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Edgar Death posted:That website is fantastic. Even the way the guy writes himself is weird and stilted. I mean, he says "I’m going to give you an extra gift certificate, so you can get a cartoon character doll, too." A cartoon character doll. Who has ever called anything that?
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Apr 25, 2013 00:06
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quote:(I’m a bank teller at a large national bank. A customer in her mid-twenties comes up to my till.) Yes. Absolutely believable in every way.
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Apr 25, 2013 21:09
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In fairness, that photo does look like the kind of person who would laugh awkwardly after everything she says, so maybe that part of the story is the true part.
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Apr 28, 2013 20:47
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Mr. Anderson posted:Imgur has been running a lot of these recently: What I don't understand about these is why they always say they speak "flawless ____". I mean, I've worked crap jobs in bilingual places, and sometimes I really would pick up on some insult people said in Spanish about me or whatever, but I'd never say "and then I responded in Perfect Spanish and then their minds exploded."
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May 7, 2013 11:54
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"(My friend stares in shock as the cashier bolts, drawing even more attention as the manager arrives to finish the transaction and apologize. Apparently, the woman has a history of jumping to severe conclusions, and has hair-trigger nerves.)" Managers love to keep around the workers who fly into rages over nothing so much that they're known for it among the staff. Seems pretty legit.
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May 7, 2013 15:21
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Yeah, college freshmen do some dumb things to try and be "zany." But what I don't understand is that, as over the top and fake as that story is, if it were true, wouldn't that be the most insufferable person alive? What's the benefit of spreading insane stories that make you look like an rear end in a top hat? "Sorry you guys have to study for finals so I'm waking you all up for breakfast at 5 in the morning! And then I'm going to tie poo poo to the ceiling fans!"
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May 11, 2013 09:18
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Here you go.quote:This troper has one of these in the form of fighting. See, my brother and I got into a fight with a few toughs from our school that we had liberally cheesed off. I'm fairly sure it was from a tekken game or something, but when one of them tried to punch me, I used one hand to direct his hand harmlessly over my head, then used my other hand to hit him just below the shoulder, and another blow a little higher beside the shoulder. I found out later that I had cracked his collarbone (one of the single worst injuries a person can get. ugh.) and my brother, who went to a martial arts school at night while I elected to stay home, was genuinely impressed by the move. I totally learned martial arts from Tekken, you guys!
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May 11, 2013 10:25
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Here's some things from a blog called "A Comically Tragic Childhood"quote:Evidently, a friend of a friend’s father had passed away recently. On his deathbed, his final words indicated that there was some type of buried family fortune on a piece of rural land they owned, which surprised the hell out of everybody. Unfortunately, he died before he could explain where it was, and the only directions he was able to give were in CUBITS, and described like “24 cubits north from the medium size tree” and such nonsense. I am not making this up. quote:Math, English, Science, all that stuff, was taught to me in simple little workbooks that taught me fairly well from grades 1 - 8, with a blessed minimum of obnoxious religious overtones. (“If the angry crowd has 150 stones, and they hatefully hurl 125 stones at the bound and gagged adulterer, how many rocks does the angry crowd have left?” The answer, of course, is “kill your only son.”)
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May 24, 2013 16:24
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FrozenVent posted:You can tell the exact point in that sentence where the guy got fired. And he didn't even behead him! Thank god that Muslim dude was Albert Einstein.
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May 27, 2013 03:50
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quote:last day of freshman year was today. We had only two of our classes, because we had first and third period on Thursday. So today we had second and fourth block. My second block is German, and we we're going to sing karaoke. However, the math teacher next door complained a few days before when the seniors had to sing, for they graduated on thursday, rather than Friday. So here's where it gets interesting. See, this math teacher happened to be Polish and this is a German class next door having a wonderful time. Cue pent up butthurt over Germany invading Poland twice, as one of the seniors said after they finished their song. Because of this, the German finals today were reduced to having to answer two questions per person. However, if I didn't get in a special asignment, I would fail. Cue a girl in class who is normally mean to me, giving me an unsigned duplicate of her's. Here's where it get's better. My German teacher's policy is that if an assignment is unsigned, then whoever get's it and signs it first becomes the paper's rightful owner. Cue me get a marker and signing my first name on it and turning it in. I had to go to English next, and after the lunch bell rang, I called home so my mother could bring in an origami phoenix(Japanese, not Arabian). After lunch I was expecting to get called to the office to pick it up. I didn't. So cue me taking the English final and having to go to the library to finish it. It was there I found out my librarian is a devout Dr. Who fan. From the first episode back in 1963. After I finished the final, I got into a long nerd talk with him. Once that was finished, I gave him a link to my normal forum, and I left with pride. I ran back to class, and asked my teacher if I could sing the song I had planned for German. She said yes, but when I mentioned that I'd need the computer so I could project the video and read the lyrics with the background music playing, she said no. This made break down. I sat in a chair and cried silently in anger and disapointment. When people gathered 'round, the teacher left the room and sent me across the hall to the special needs teacher. I explained my situation and she asked if I could sing the song to her. I had her search the song. As soon as the search finished, I was called to the office. There, I got the origami phoenix, and soon claases were called out after I had gotten back to her class. I walked to the hallway and when I saw my crush, I rushed to her, and poked her back. She turned around, and I gave her the phoenix. This is where the awesome kicks in. As I rushed back to sing the song, I sang in perfect harmony with the band. The Song? "Man on Fire", by The Megas. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khgrybkBnzM&feature=related So this is what I realized as I got home, very symbolic in a way. I gave my crush a phoenix, a bird reborn in fire, and I sang a song that have to do with getting even and fire. I have become a metaphorical phoenix. This also counts as a crowning moment of heartwarming. And now David After Dentist is on the Tyra Banks Show. "I have become a metaphorical pheonix." Truly beautiful.
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May 28, 2013 08:15
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Djeser posted:Relationship burns are so dumb. This is how dumb they are. Green text stories are a joke. They are not meant to be taken as real.
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Aug 8, 2013 10:19
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Morkyz posted:One clue that this sort of story is fake is that it would basically requre a sterotypical Tumblrite and a Redditor to meet in real life, and since neither of these groups ever leave the house... I think my favorite part of this is how it's obviously meant to resolve the writer of blame -- after all, he left his phone at home so he couldn't call for an ambulance! Of course, then he complains that no-one was willing to stop praying even to look for help, which would make him just as guilty as everyone else. Those dang muslims, always letting people die in order to pray, not like us atheists who let people die for literally no reason at all. Why do people write stories that portray themselves as horrible people? I don't understand.
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Aug 9, 2013 23:05
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Haschel Cedricson posted:Isn't "sauce made from pan drippings" the LITERAL definition of gravy? I assume he's talking about cream gravy, which is pan drippings mixed with lots of flour and cream, all boiled up until it resembles food. Very popular in the American south, and needless to say it is incredibly healthy.
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Aug 10, 2013 01:03
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quote:This tropes knows a person who was cooking a pizza while home alone. He heard a sound and so, pulled out a seven inch steak knife. The intruder, weilding a gun, broke into the house by the front door. The person with the knife hid behind a wall and waited for the intruder to pass by. The moment the guy did, the person took the knife and proceeded to stab the intruder several times in the stomach, chest, and limbs. He was not injured. It gets better. He was only 15 at the time. He weighed 123 pounds and stood only 5'1". His opponent was at least 6'4" and built like a tank. quote:This Troper's high school used to get ridiculously hot in the spring; we also had many ridiculously bratty, annoying kids, and ceiling fans that were so loud the teachers couldn't teach over them. One spring day, one of the English teachers had a virtual mutiny of grade seven students whining about how they wanted him to put the fan on, which he refused to do because of the noise, and instead turned up the heater to full blast for the rest of the period to prove the point. quote:Mort 08 is writing a parody of Nineteen Eighty Four in the hopes that her theatre will perform it next year. Because it's a youth theatre, I have to tone it down significantly, but I'm still trying to keep the general spirit of the original work. Once we get to the Ministry of Love, however, it's a different story. The O'Brien character torments the Winston character with the "Most Horrible Things," which include the sound of a rubber chicken we have that's infamous for the high-pitched and drawn out shrieking noise it makes when squeezed, the signature word of The Knights Who Say Ni, and a bad, bad imitation of Scarlett O'Hara. And that's all before Room 101! When we finally get there, O'Brien tells Winston he will break him with the one thing he fears more than anything else, the "Most Excruciating Song." He straps Winston to a chair, surrounds him with amps, gives himself some ear plugs, pushes a button...and what comes blasting through the speakers? Friday. Oh, but it gets better; turns out that for Winston, this is not the Most Excruciating Song, which leads to O'Brien desperately cycling through "Baby," "I Like To Move It" and the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song before finally finding the real Most Excruciating Song...the Rickroll. At this, Winston breaks. Hard.
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Aug 14, 2013 19:25
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FrozenVent posted:Did they bring back troper tales? Or are those from your personal archives? http://tropertales.wikkii.com/wiki/Main_Page That is not dead which can eternally be backed up on a wiki. The formatting is all broken, and it can be a pain to navigate, but it's a treasure trove of wonderful and absolutely true stories.
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Aug 14, 2013 19:41
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Cicadalek posted:I know when I rent DVDs, which I do all the time because I don't know what a computer is, I take care not to look at the actual disc itself, and close my eyes as I skip past all the DVD menus and title screens. Sometimes I like to go to movie rental places because they have weird, hard-to-find stuff I'd never have thought to watch otherwise -- but if I got a case with the wrong movie I'd complain about it, not watch the drat thing through. Content quote:This troper's university had a policy that for every day late you handed in an assignment without an authorized extention, you would be deducted ten points from your grade -- e.g. if you hand an an assignment that would otherwise have got 70/100 two days late, it'd be reduced to 50/100. However, one of my housemates misinterpreted the rule and thought it was 10% of your overall mark deducted for every day it was late, and so handed an assignment in three weeks late, thinking that if he gave in a very good piece of work, it'd still pass even with the deduction. Result? The assignment got 65/100... which, with the deductions, gave a final mark of -145/100. Needless to say, he never finished his degree. Seems legit.
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Aug 14, 2013 22:26
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vxskud posted:I like the part where the computer will tell the operator that the dude is bankrupt but won't show him any sort of other information. He's also able to look the guy and his bank balance up but it's not actually an account there.
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Aug 15, 2013 00:39
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TEACH TO LITTLE GIRLS HOW TO FRIENDZONE How eloquent.
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Aug 15, 2013 01:38
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quote:Popular is Dumb was played straight and subverted in this troper's high school class: originally the most popular people were the dumb ones. This troper is pretty smart, so he came to the conclusion that it's easier to (TheChessmaster) manipulate the popular, dumb ones than becoming popular. However, later most of the class realized this, so - while never getting more popular than the dumb ones - he became the de facto leader of the class. I like the image of some high school student being so smart that he is magically able to make hiring decisions and control the entire school.
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Aug 15, 2013 04:24
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quote:Customer: “Hello, do you have any of the new Twilight books?”
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Aug 15, 2013 05:26
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quote:(I’m in a Creative Writing class. Star Wars Episode VII has just been announced, and there’s two boys in my class who are huge Star Wars fans. I’m also a fan, but I haven’t made that known. Class is just beginning.) Boys, this isn't a forum thread.
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Aug 15, 2013 06:38
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Bertrand Hustle posted:My mother has seen Star Wars and knows who Luke Skywalker is. A New Hope came out 36 years ago. Why the gently caress do these dweebs have to get into a pissing match over who knows more about pop culture poo poo? They always pick really mainstream "nerd" stuff too. Star Wars is one of the most successful film franchises of all time, but they also use stuff like Doctor Who (a show my 50 year old mother watches because "David Tennant is so handsome") or really anything but the weird obscure stuff that'd really mark someone as a truly obsessive SciFi sort of fan. Like, if they were all quoting Blake's Seven then the story would still be sad bullshit, but at least it'd mean more about the protagonist than "has a basic knowledge of pop culture." They do it with music too. My knowledge of Bohemian Rhapsody will impress the world! No one could possibly know the most popular song of a massively successful band!
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Aug 15, 2013 15:18
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oldpainless posted:Teacher: So they had to transport raw goods back to England for manufacturing. I'm at a bus stop with a woman.  Sir I know you are ignorant and poor but I am waiting for the bus. Well I am "waiting for Godot"(We've been married ever since. Our sons are named Estragon and Vladimir) But it'll never happen.
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Aug 15, 2013 17:56
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Transporters? Beam me up Scotty
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quote:Customer: “Excuse me!” I don't care about your hull-a-b-loo religion!
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Aug 15, 2013 18:36
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quote:(I have ordered a small fry and vanilla milkshake, and am waiting for it to be ready.) shit_that_didn't_happen.txt: SHE ORDERED A LATTE YOU ORDERED A LATTE
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Aug 16, 2013 12:42
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Minarch posted:"Had they/you ____, I would have gladly ___" is another phrase that seems to pop if with some regularity. "Had you told me your account number, I would have gladly told you your balance." "Had you not called me a troglodydic thundercunt, I would have gladly given you a refill." Those parts are the author's little hint at what actually happened. Just replace "if you" with "then you" and "I would have" with "I did." Then stop reading the story -- you know the truth.
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Aug 16, 2013 17:44
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"We should all spend our days tackling each humble act like our favorite Time Lord." What about anyone who isn't a straight white guy?
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Aug 16, 2013 20:56
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quote:My nakama is made of Crazy Awesome. I'm the resident Cloudcucukoolander who takes Refuge In Audacity (and viewed as The Chick even though I'm a guy), another friend of mine is the resident Lovable Sex Maniac, Bunny Ears Lawyer and The Hero (though we all switch occasionally),the third Lancer to come along made us the Power Trio for a short while (and The Big Guy to boot) and the last main one in the core group, who likes to be considered a Guest Star Party Member (an awesome one). We continue to expand day by day. Even though we've split on some nasty terms at least once, and can't go one year without a The Reason You Suck Speech, the vitrolicism with which we speak to one another comes off as more Nakama than anything else. What? quote:This troperrecently (A few weeks ago) got into a....little fight with his longtime nemesis, last day of (high)school, he may not be coming(droping out, my nemesis, not me) back, revenge bluh bluh merger childish things. He decides to come at me with a meter stick with a rather intimidating war cry. I merely tilt my head ever so slightly and plunk, it hits the wall behind my head, visibly dumbfounded he then attempts to slash me. Big mistake, my headphones got unplugged from my Ipod touch, and my favorite song was just beginning. Nightwish's song [[CrowningMusic/Template:Nightwish she is my sin]] and so begins my epic battle, he keeps slashing and lunging at me all while I dodge his blows and strokes. He attempts another headshot but I deftly grabbed it from him, he fell face first onto the floor, then I said one of my favorite BadassBoast badass boasts almost immediately afterword FinalFantasyVIIAdventChildren "On your knees...I want you to beg for forgiveness." my class's resident Video game gerd (Her own word she made, a combination of geek and nerd, she calls herself this all the time) said almost YELLING "Holy poo poo dude! That was awesome!" unfortunately his Girlfriend didnt think so, and tossed him the other meter stick and said "Kick that little snot into next year!"(Even though im taller then him he's like 5'4 im 5'7) and we exchanged blows which was eerily similar to aboved mentioned Final Fantasy movie, I then disarmed him and then said, "I hold no ill will, nor is this a personal matter, but thanks for the workout non-the less." He simply bowed his head in shame, his girlfriend having pure spasms of RAGE, chiding him that he couldn't beat a video game playing ultimate geek face(highly immature for a 16 year old girl I know), but I couldn't here them over the applause I was getting from the other geeks and my fellow peers, my teacher ( a substitute) woke up from her nap and simply said "what did I miss?" we all (except for my nemesis and his GF) begun laughing uncontrollably for a few minutes. I deadpanned afterwords "Nothing at all ma'am, just having some fun, listening to music, drawing, epic one sided battles..." She shrugged and went back to sleep. Just some epic one sided battles
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Aug 19, 2013 18:08
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We've all dealt with trolls. But how does a troper handle them?quote:This troper once had to deal with a troll on his site, after perma banning him, the troll responded with some rather nasty attacks, and I decided to respond with one of the greatest comebacks i have ever written  Truly the greatest comeback ever
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Aug 20, 2013 05:56
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Marley Wants More posted:Stop, you're ruining it. It was epic. EPIC. In fact, a girl noticed the iPod lying there so she picked it up and plugged it into some Bose speakers so you could really hear the bass. I prefer to believe that when the music stopped our hero just sang the rest of it himself.
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Aug 20, 2013 14:10
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Kaizoku posted:For such a Who-geek, you'd think he could at least learn to knit and follow a pattern. You missed the bit where he's dressed as hid "headcanon" Doctor, not the one from the TV show. In that guy's personal canon the fourth Doctor regenerated into a horrible redditor, complete with fedora.
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Aug 20, 2013 20:24
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It is a glorious thing to be a major general annoyance to everyone around.
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Aug 20, 2013 22:34
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Namarrgon posted:I don't even get it. Did the manager not know him? Why would the manager fire random people? The joke is meme guy was promoted over the manager without the manager's knowledge. I understand not getting that because it's stupid. Edit: I was on the wrong page. But still, it was terrible meme
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Aug 21, 2013 23:30
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quote:This troper witnessed a Moment of Awesome in the ninth grade from his friend (first person). My friend , who got picked on sometimes by some douche who thought he was PrettyFlyForAWhiteGuy, but never got in an actual fight with him. One day though in gym, he was complaining to me about the bully. The bully overheard us saying his name, swaggered over to us and said something like "You nerds talkin' about me?" my friend, very calmly got up and said "Yeah, yeah we were. You see I think that even though you act like a tough guy, you're a poser whose never hit anyone in his life. But if you want to prove me wrong then go right ahead, hit me." There was a pause "What?" the bully said. "I'm saying that if you want to prove that you're as tough as you say you are, then hit me, right now, hit me in the face.". You're crazy" the bully said. "What makes you say that?" my friend said. "Becuase you want me to punch me in the face.", the bully said. "What? No no no no, that WOULD be crazy. Who would want to get punched in the face? I said that because I don't think that you're gonna do it, I'm just offering the chance to prove me wrong.", my friend very coolly replied. The bully, not wanting to be made a fool of by a known nerd, made a feeble attempt at a punch to the nose. My friend immediately retaliated with two punches to the jaw, then a knee to the stomach, then tossed him down and pummeled the bully's face about 4-6 times. Then got up, spat on his shirt, then walked away, all before any teachers could break it up. No no no no, that WOULD be crazy. Unlike this "true story," which is wholly believable.
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Aug 23, 2013 06:38
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I can't really tell which kind is more sad: the obviously fake stories, or the ones massively embellished to make someone's life seem less depressing. So here's one that's both at once! quote:Fifth grade every moron liked to play "Open Chest" and I wasn't playing around them but instead was waiting in line to go on a field trip I wanted to go on really badly when this idiot comes and hits me in my stomach while shouting "Open Chest!" I land on my knee and just growl (really bad sign) and just charge after the kid. Everyone in my class only seen me get that mad once and one girl locked my arms up and tried to hold me back and was failing and it basically turned into EVERYONE from my class grabbing the girl and the next person as they tried to stop me while I was walking forward while pulling all the students with every step. The kid who punched me looked like he was about to poo poo a brick.
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Aug 23, 2013 15:56
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horriblePencilist posted:You know it's really great none of these jocks actually know any good comebacks, can't anime-fight for poo poo and their friends are willing to laugh at them after any minor incident, otherwise all these Badass Longcoats and Cloudcukoolanders would be in real trouble. A true student of tropery knows that sheer will is all you need to defeat the jocks and preppies. Observe: quote:This Troperette has been known to strangers as the sweet, innocent and slightly nerdy thing. A friend of hers (codenamed Orihime because of her similarity to the character from Bleach) was being bullied by the resident, otaku hating bitches. Orihime was pretty passive about it, saying that the teacher already took care of it and that the Ampatuans (that's our group) didn't need to fight at all. Cue this scene:(translated from Tagolog)
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Aug 23, 2013 23:28
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Denzo posted:
If their store is so big it includes multiple islands maybe he shouldn't be surprised when people make out sometimes. But seriously, the leash thing? That's not really a "gay thing" that you see in stereotypes, so what the hell is it doing in there?
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Aug 24, 2013 02:28
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FrozenVent posted:I've never seen a marathon runner who could be remotely described as fat. I'm not sure how I feel that affects the story, but I figured I would throw that out there. It's described as a training walk, so she's probably going to walk the marathon. Plenty of people do that -- it still gives them a chance for some healthy exertion, even if less than running it would provide, and for someone who's elderly or really out of shape in some way, walking five miles without stopping can be an accomplishment in itself. That part of the story I have no problem with. The rest, however...
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Aug 24, 2013 16:17
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swampland posted:Actually in the Uk they're called Bender Buses and only gays ride them so it's pretty obvious why the guy would need to chill out for a bit and wonder what the gently caress he was doing getting so stressed out about a girl That explains a lot about my last trip to Liverpool.
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Aug 26, 2013 16:30
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CJacobs posted:I don't think people who go "THIS TROPER IS X" realize that tropes explicitly apply to general media and don't translate to real life too well because surprise surprise, real life is not like movies and television. This is true, but tropers are just like that. Even now, many tropes have a section for Real Life Examples -- they just discourage stories about yourself because of how terribly that turned out with the whole Troper Tales thing. Content: quote:This troper doesn't see it, but for some reason is frequently described as the most beautiful girl in the world by nearly everyone she meets and every guy she befriends inevitably falls in love with her(she always ends up feeling bad when she has to turn them down, especially because she DoesNotLikeMen Does Not Like Men). A TallDarkandBishoujo Tall Dark And Bishoujo [[Template:Tsundere Type B Tsundere]] as well as a PerkyGoth is bound to get all that attention, especially alongside her CloudCuckoolander Cloud Cuckoolander PerkyGoth Perky Goth who possesses a MostCommonSuperpower Most Common Superpower best friend, who also happens to attract the attention of everyone she meets. Unfortunately, the two are often swarmed with fangirls and fanboys alike, both almost always branded as quite [[Template:Moe moe]], even by total strangers. I think when you start calling yourself ~tsundere~ it is time to stop and take a long, hard look at your life.
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Aug 27, 2013 07:21
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