I DO ALPHA MALE SHIT

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > I DO ALPHA MALE SHIT

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

quote:

inb4 all the wk captain save a hoe's come in here. She's a living hole phaggots, nobody cares.

# ¿ Aug 12, 2014 22:02

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 19, 2024 09:44

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Bip Roberts posted:

Hey OP, did it ever occure to you that the oppression of MEN is worse than oppression of Jews in Nazi germany, worse than the slavery of Blacks in early America... I'm not exaggerating either. Every Jew & every Black man, both in jail and those who have managed to avoid it, will attest to what I have just wrote.

Wow, I never thought of it that way.

# ¿ Aug 12, 2014 22:07

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

quote:

He told me he was going to rape me, but was disappointed in himself when he could not get hard.

This penis shaming is the real crime. #freewarmachine

# ¿ Aug 12, 2014 23:19

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

texaholic posted:

https://twitter.com/AlphaMaleSeeJay

Wait this twitter account is real? I thought it was just some troll, hard to believe that is an actual human being.....

quote:

I do Alphamale poo poo just like my brother @WarMachine170

Least "alpha" thing ever written.

# ¿ Aug 12, 2014 23:24

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

His bro is quite the entrepreneur.

# ¿ Aug 12, 2014 23:36

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Is Christy Mack gross or hot? Goons zero in on the important issues at the heart of the War Machine assault story.

# ¿ Aug 13, 2014 14:22

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

FogHelmut posted:

I need a rundown of all of the key points going on here-

- christy mack got beat up, allegedly by this dude named "war machine"
- there was another guy in the house that got beat up first, but we don't know who he is or where he's at
- christy mack and war machine have tattoos of each other's names on them, specifically christy has "property of war machine"
- war machine has done porn and other alpha male poo poo
- war machine has dated other porn stars
- specifically, when he was dating alanah rae, he hit her while at another porn star's birthday party. four male porn stars got involved, and got their asses kicked bad.
- there is now a bounty out for war machine as he is currently a fugitive suspect in this beating
- fleshlight also got involved and placed an additional $5k reward for his capture
- dog the bounty hunter will be handling this, as we have seen in the twitter battle between dog's daughter and war machine's brother
- christy mack has a questionable boob job

am I missing anything?

-He just wanted a loving slurpy

# ¿ Aug 13, 2014 15:15

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

projecthalaxy posted:

Do you think he started yelling at his own failed floppy dick when it would not let him rape?

IM SO PISSED I JUST WANTED TO RAPE CHRISTYMACK

GOD gently caress GOD FUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK WHAT KIND OF DICK IS THIS WHAT KIND OF LAW WONT LET IT GET HARD

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCKCCCCCCKKKK IM SO loving PISSED

# ¿ Aug 13, 2014 17:31

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Your Dead Gay Son posted:

She was way hotter when she didn't have the boob job

Mods, please add poll

Christy Mack: Hot or Not?

1: She has 18 broken bones in her face

2. She has a punctured liver and her eyes are sealed shut with blood

3. Goku

# ¿ Aug 13, 2014 17:52

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

jalopybrown posted:

I didn't even know there were 18 bones in the face, is there supposed to be or did war machine beat her so hard it relocated some?

Maybe it was 18 breaks in the face bone. Let's get a face doctor in here to clear that up.

# ¿ Aug 13, 2014 18:02

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Here's the criminal complaint. It's graphic.

http://usatmmajunkie.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/war-machine-criminal-complaint.pdf

# ¿ Aug 13, 2014 20:56

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Bip Roberts posted:

If he changed his name to War Machine why isn't the criminal complaint addressed to his legal name?

Sometimes I wonder if this War Machine fellow is on the up-and-up!

# ¿ Aug 13, 2014 21:03

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Frostwerks posted:

if someone manages to troll him enough that he reveals his location even inadvertently that should warrant the reward and i hope it is contested and goes to court and this whole strange loving affair forever changes the legal landscape of benevolent trolling

Weird. I think we lost a bunch of posts from this thread somehow. What a tragedy.

# ¿ Aug 13, 2014 21:45

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Drunk & Ugly posted:

lol my posts in this thread disappeared
wtf is going on with the forums

RADIUM THE MANIPULATOR

# ¿ Aug 13, 2014 22:29

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

EbolaIvory posted:

in b4 all the captain save a hoe's come in here. She's a living hole phaggots, nobody cares.

ftfy

# ¿ Aug 14, 2014 01:00

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

you irl posted:

How about a huge interview with dog the bounty hunter about his thoughts on war machine?

That's right, brotha, Dog the Bounty Hunter is doing research on War Machine's favorite flavor of slurpee as we speak. HE'S COMING FOR YOU WAR MACHINE

# ¿ Aug 14, 2014 01:54

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Why the gently caress isn't this guy caught yet. DOG, stop taste-testing slurpees and get your rear end in gear.

# ¿ Aug 14, 2014 05:59

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

What do you think War Machine is doing right now? I'm going with "yelling at his penis."

# ¿ Aug 14, 2014 15:34

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Maybe listening to this on a loop?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f20Oz9Yr_So

youtuber posted:

If you don't want to be hit, don't cheat on your spouse, pretty simple really. Human nature.

# ¿ Aug 14, 2014 15:44

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Good news! Now you can buy your terrible Alpha Male poo poo clothing without fearing that you're supporting War Machine's war on sanity.

# ¿ Aug 14, 2014 23:35

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Don Tacorleone posted:

Beautiful abs bro

I think we should take a moment to admire War Machine's abs

goon grenade spotted.

# ¿ Aug 15, 2014 05:40

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

There's a lot of caring in this thread!

I think Palpek is asking for us to care about him.

# ¿ Aug 15, 2014 17:17

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

I wonder if a fighter who named himself "Love Machine" would go over well in the UFC. I could see that striking fear into the hearts of his opponents.

# ¿ Aug 15, 2014 19:08

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

ALL I WANTED WAS SOME loving PIZZAAAAAAAAA

FFFFFFFUUUUUUCCCKKKK

gently caress

IMA GONNA SNAP

gently caress

# ¿ Aug 15, 2014 23:54

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Mentos Dan posted:

What's Mr. Pain's mugshot gonna look like?

Like this, but from the other side

# ¿ Aug 16, 2014 02:04

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Swedish Butt-Whistle posted:

Hotel guest Mary Casamento said she called police to the hotel after seeing a �big dude� yelling at and pushing a petite woman who was trying to calm him down. He grabbed her by the hair, Casamento said.

<enters plea> NOT GUILTY.

Oh my god, did she have a knife? After all he's been through... why is he so cursed?

# ¿ Aug 16, 2014 06:08

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

bitcoin bastard posted:

Someone buy Johnny "War Homo" Kockintheasshaver an account here. I think he would be a welcome addition to GBS.

He already has a plat grenade on his neck.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2014 14:48

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Cream_Filling posted:

in nevada sexual assault (the nv legal term for rape) requires penetration, open or gross lewdness is the next closest thing

Oh, tell us how you found that one out :allears:

# ¿ Aug 17, 2014 06:01

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Lufiron posted:

passing the bar and being a lawyer in the state of nevada, duh

why? what does your evil, corrupted, rape-orientated mind think?

Well, this IS a goon we're talking about. Most times an assumption of sex-criminal is hardly misplaced.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2014 17:55

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Guys, please stop this nutella derail. Can we please get back to the original topic of whether or not domestic violence is okay?

# ¿ Aug 17, 2014 21:24

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Jon Pop really wants to gently caress some white women, the loving racist. What's wrong with black women, Jon Pop?

# ¿ Aug 18, 2014 00:06

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

4 the cause, please go away now.

# ¿ Aug 18, 2014 00:26

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Good news! War Machine WAS tasered!

"Another hotel guest, who witnessed War Machine�s arrest, also shared her story with KTLA.

�And they were like banging on the door, trying to get it open, and they�re like, �Open the door, open the door,� Nicolle Blankenship told KTLA. �Finally when they got it open they yelled, �Gun,� and then all of a sudden you see them shoot him with a Taser. And he got shot with a Taser and he went down to the floor, and then they handcuffed him.� "

# ¿ Aug 18, 2014 01:14

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

ilikedirt posted:

oin this case unfortunately they opted not to

# ¿ Aug 18, 2014 01:25

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Clochette posted:

If only War Machine was black I guarantee he would be loving dead right now.

Oh, good, let's talk more about racism.

# ¿ Aug 18, 2014 01:31

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

So. War Machine had a blog last time he was in prison. Let's see what sort of thoughts he recorded for posterity, shall we?

https://www.blogger.com/profile/02988533996204637335

quote:

So it's Christmas day and I'm laying in my bunk wondering "Why in the hell do American men get married!?" As I write this, there is one guy in here for slapping his wife, one here for yelling at his wife, and one here for beating some guy's rear end that disrespected his wife. WTF!? If your wife is being a bitch you can't slap her, if your wife is yelling at you, God forbid you yell back, and if some rear end in a top hat hurts your wife, you can not protect her! LMFAO! What in the gently caress! is REALLY going on!? Next thing you know it will be illegal to gently caress your wife! LMAO! Maybe then, MEN in this country will get the loving hint and MOVE! This country forces you to be a bitch! And then if you resist, you go to jail! And if you give in and become a passive lil' pansy, your wife is gonna sneak around and get hosed by someone like a single War Machine! HAHA! And believe me, in my day, I have hosed more than one wife who complained about being "sick and tired of wearing the pants in the family." What a loving country! De-masculated men left and right, mere sheep for the cowards in political offices to boss around and PLAY tough with. A country that preaches "Violence solves nothing" to it's masses, but is eager to run off to war with ANY and EVERY country, who refuses it's verbal bullying.

Encoded in, "All political negotiations and peace talks have fell on deaf ears, so we will now commence a military campaign," is "they wouldn't cower to our verbal threats (to do what we want) so now we're gonna gently caress them up, as once again violence is the only REAL answer to any problem." And ANY one who reads this and preaches against this is just loving WEAK and a COWARD and you hide behind your words, for only one reason: words always have been, and always will be, your ONLY option. But when you were a lil' boy... and even now in your dreams at night... you're a bad-rear end, a real tough guy... a cowboy, a gladiator, a fighter pilot, a Navy SEAL, a professional athlete. So why don't you swallow your shame and be a REAL man for once, and give the country back to REAL MEN and admit! I'm right! And DO SOMETHING to help us! This country has gone SO SOFT that it has left us helpless. The oppression of MEN is worse than oppression of Jews in Nazi germany, worse than the slavery of Blacks in early America... I'm not exaggerating either. Every Jew & every Black man, both in jail and those who have managed to avoid it, will attest to what I have just wrote. I have never written ANYTHING that I wanted to be read/heard more than what I wrote today on Christmas 2010. gently caress it. I got more to write!

There has always been the oppressor and always the oppressed. Before, it was blatant, easy to see, easier to defend. The Indians, the Chinese, the Blacks, the Jews. NOW the oppressor has learned to disguise his evil. You can see man, but you can not see MEN. How easy it is to oppress a minority that is invisible to the eye! How genius of the oppressor! And what a better target too! Jews and Blacks are of no threat to government! They were oppressed because of a prejudice of what was different and of what they didn't understand. It served no real purpose and was therefore easier to extinguish. But MEN... Men challenge injustice from Government, MEN fight for their Constitutional rights, that are slowly being taken away every year. Those that are not MEN don't like it when we are around because we expose them for the posers that they are. REAL MEN do what's right and not what will line the pockets of the few in power... Now you can see why MEN have been chosen to oppress. And they don't just oppress us by making more laws and taking away more freedom, they are far more clever than that! Ask yourself what your REAL dream was?? If you gave up on this dream, why? Because of the brainwashing of the Government, that's why! They taught you to "play it safe." They told us a responsible man has ONE wife, a house, good credit, good job, and kids. How are you supposed to chase your dreams while maintaining all of that!?

Men are supposed to take risks and be aggressive! What accomplishments have ever come of a man scared to risk it all!? None!? Where would the world be? Still 'flat!' Still 'Earth at the center of the universe!' Where would Brad Pitt be!? He'd be nobody! When he was discovered he was like 26 years old, a waiter, and living out of his car! He wasn't playing it safe, he was risking it all! On his dream! Being a MAN is BALLS not brawn! So don't think you were too weak or small to be the MAN I'm talking about. So many of you ARE MEN but you got trapped by the oppressor. Every time you fight the urge to tell your wife "NO!" or you tell your son, "Don't punch the bully, go tell instead," YOU ARE LETTING THE OPPRESSOR WIN! Think on it. And here's a good book to read... It's a Christian book so it's a SUPER SOFT way of saying all that I said, but it should inspire you regardless. "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge.

P.S. Before people cry about me comparing the oppression of MEN to the Holocaust and slavery, let me illustrate a few things. The oppressor has learned from history that dead bodies attract too much attention to what's going on, or YES, there would be millions of dead MEN! They'd love that quick fix! In order to be elusive and to have longevity, the oppressor has learned to kill MEN while their bodies remain alive. And with your 'spirit extinguished' you're nothing but a loving zombie, a shell of a man, waiting to die. And THAT is just as bad as death itself. The animals at the zoo are as good as dead just as we are, the MEN in America.

Cool.

Inevitable fucked around with this message at 06:52 on Aug 18, 2014

# ¿ Aug 18, 2014 06:49

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 19, 2024 09:44

Inevitable: Jul 27, 2007; by Ralp

Mentos Dan posted:

Yeah, well, Pain Machine raised $340:

http://www.dailydot.com/lifestyle/war-machine-legal-defense/

Good god, who gave 340k to this dickhead?

# ¿ Aug 18, 2014 22:13

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > I DO ALPHA MALE SHIT