/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

ban all public toplessness, regardless of gender

# ¿ Apr 17, 2019 18:14

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 20, 2024 07:54

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

bpd can cause psychosis

# ¿ Apr 25, 2019 17:55

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

Anne Whateley posted:

You would be surprised how many men ask during sex, like they think that's fun dirty talk. It's not fun and it has no winners, I still haven't figured out a good answer

just smile and say that it fits the type of guy he is perfectly

e: also, can't beat a short, hearty laugh for simplicity

Best Bi Geek Squid fucked around with this message at 19:56 on Apr 25, 2019

# ¿ Apr 25, 2019 19:53

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

New Mexico owns

blowies in library study rooms own

i'm sure they can work things out peaceably

# ¿ Apr 27, 2019 05:17

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

razamataza posted:

too obvious i guess

/r/relationships: this is so sad but also pretty funny

# ¿ May 7, 2019 15:55

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

FAUXTON posted:

FWB = Forward Whopperating Base aka "the Burger King near work"

this is good

# ¿ May 15, 2019 03:54

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

Bag of Hamsters posted:

light-sleeping sweaty burrito

extremely

# ¿ May 15, 2019 16:57

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

chitoryu12 posted:

How is he so weak that 5 shots is enough to make him pass out and start peeing in the sink?

it wasn't the liquor. he was making a power play and marking the kitchen as his territory

# ¿ May 16, 2019 17:09

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

"DeadMansSuspenders" posted:

My [30M] Long-term GF [29F] wants marriage but is not attracted/doesn't want sex anymore

shot by an arrow, looking for advice

please don't waste my time by telling me to go to the hospital and get the arrow removed. Looking for constrictive advice only thx

# ¿ May 26, 2019 20:57

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

Freudian posted:

My wife doesn't want to get an Au Pair because she thinks I'm going to cheat on her

This feels like slam poetry somehow.

tbf he is absolutely going to bang the au pair

# ¿ May 26, 2019 20:58

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

I have a cat. he loves things that move - he'll give any sort of new wiggly thing a good whack with his razor sharp claws to see if it is prey

one time, I left the door open while spending some quality time with myself

yadda yadda yadda now I close the door

# ¿ Jun 6, 2019 23:39

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

at this point "idk gently caress his / her mom" is my default advice to solve every one of these relationship issues

# ¿ Jun 7, 2019 15:34

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

tactlessbastard posted:

I went looking for this one for the comments and couldn't find it so i checked ceddit and found this other fun one that the moderators had locked:

My wife [31F] thinks I'm [37M] possessed by the devil and won't leave our daughter [<1F] alone with me.

in fairness to his wife, he left out the fact that he has grown hooves and smells like sulfur all the time

# ¿ Jun 7, 2019 16:35

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

chitoryu12 posted:

By the way, I know the love isn't an infatuation.

# ¿ Jun 10, 2019 19:36

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

Antivehicular posted:

This is basically the song "Centerfold," except updated for 2019 and with a protagonist who's even more of a possessive wimplord

my blood ran cold
my memory has just been sold
my angel is moaning and being penetrated recorded by the said guy

# ¿ Jun 17, 2019 18:33

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

AreWeDrunkYet posted:

https://twitter.com/tweetmommybop/status/1140247172165840896?s=19
This seemed relevant.

lol, especially if he kept knocking up his future wives because he thinks that birth control is sinful

# ¿ Jun 17, 2019 18:59

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

I'm willing to bet that the girlfriend of the computer janitor who helped the pornstar is mad because the nerd came home all

:swoon:

guess what honey? I just met a :swoon:

pornstar

# ¿ Jun 18, 2019 23:34

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

welcome to hell posted:

An Affair to Remember... by labeanie

Long and pretty boring, but they have a second post:

Will a baby rekindle the lost spark in a marriage? by labeanie

yes absolutely a baby will magically fix everything. you and your husband will be so exhausted and cash-strapped that you'll forget all about not loving him and then love him. he certainly will not turn to another woman (again) while you are busy raising the lil screamer

# ¿ Jun 20, 2019 17:37

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

Pinecone Sample posted:

(20M) my SO (20F) told me she wants a break while she’s on vacation. Unsure of what it means...

My girlfriend said we need a 4-5 day break and I’m not sure how to take it.

sounds like she already knows how she's going to take it

Best Bi Geek Squid fucked around with this message at 20:48 on Jun 20, 2019

# ¿ Jun 20, 2019 20:44

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

welcome to hell posted:

Boyfriend makes me cringe and has a weird thing for cats

ahhh, that's the quality relationships content i come to this thread for

# ¿ Jun 24, 2019 16:27

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Boyfriend[M21]watches hentai and now I [F18]feel disgusted by him.

When he masturbates to hentai he has “huge cums” and he moans loud and cums quick

New thread title imo

# ¿ Jun 26, 2019 16:34

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

Renegret posted:

*urge to climb soap box rising*

The breast is best crowd is loving unhinged and the mommy culture around it is the loving worst I'll leave it at that.

e: I will fight you irl if you disagree with my very correct opinion.

but how will alpha moms be able to establish dominance if they can't criticize the lesser moms in a way that simultaneously attacks their femininity and care for their child? :thunkher:

# ¿ Jul 1, 2019 19:28

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

Smirking_Serpent posted:

WIBTA if I don’t hire a fully qualified girl for a job because she is the one who cheated with my fiancé? (Cheating was almost 4 years ago).

For some background I was deeply in love with my fiancé, we were about two months away from the wedding when I found out he cheated on me. I knew of the girl but had never met her but had it on pretty credible authority that she pursued him knowing he was engaged. It was still his fault so while I called off the wedding but tried to reconcile and forgive, I just couldn’t do it. We broke up but it was a year before I could even face the world socially and 2.5 years before I went on another date. I’m past it but will probably never truly be over the hurt.

I work HR at a large tech company and am in charge of hiring new people to work in our sales department. The girl in question has a fairly unique first name so when I saw her name I thought it might be her but her last name didn’t match. But when she sat down for our initial interview (me and one other person) we instantly recognized each other. I have to give her full credit, she was nervous for about a minute and then composed herself and gave an amazing interview. Her credentials are spot on and obviously she has the ability to talk and be a good sales person.

But part of me feels like “gently caress you, I don’t need to reward you with a Commissioned sales position with an amazing base salary.” My co-interviewer thought she was a slam dunk but the decision still goes to me. We have interviewed 34 people so I can easily hire someone else and raise no red flags, but the key is she is the most qualified and gave the best interview.

She sent a very polite email thanking us for the interview and asked if I would be willing to meet with her again to discuss potential “conflicts.” I have yet to respond. I guess I have two choices, meet with her she probably hire her OR I just hire someone else a little less qualified and no one but me will ever know.

WIBTA if I don’t hire her?

apart from being an rear end in a top hat, that could create a sex discrimination issue. Unless if you're in Iowa - then you might be able to use the jealous spouse defense

https://www.lexology.com/library/detail.aspx?g=f0ecbd4e-de14-48f0-9cfc-45ab0a31019f

quote:

Can a female employee terminated because her employer’s wife was threatened by her relationship with the male employer sue for sex discrimination?

Answering the question for the second time, the Iowa Supreme Court unanimously said “no.”

Melissa Nelson was 20 years old when Dr. James Knight, a dentist, hired her to be a dental assistant in his practice. Over the next 10 years the two built a personal relationship that occasionally crossed the line of propriety but was not sexual. Both married with children, Nelson and Knight would text each other about family issues.

But Knight also sent questionable texts, wondering how often Nelson had orgasms. In the office he occasionally complained that her clothing was too tight and “distracting,” noting that if she saw his pants bulging, she would know her clothing was too revealing. When Nelson made a statement about her infrequent sex life, Knight responded, “[T]hat’s like having a Lamborghini in the garage and never driving it.”

When Knight’s wife – who also worked in the dental office – discovered the two texted after hours, she insisted that Nelson be terminated, calling her “a big threat to our marriage.” Although Knight acknowledged that Nelson was the best assistant he ever had, he fired her, admitting that he feared he would try to have an affair with her if she kept working in the office.

She filed suit, alleging sex discrimination in violation of Iowa state law. Had she been male, Nelson claimed, she would never have been seen as a threat by Knight’s wife and terminated. Importantly, she did not allege that Knight committed sexual harassment or that she was subject to a hostile work environment.

But the court concluded that Knight’s conduct did not amount to unlawful sex discrimination.

“Title VII and the Iowa Civil Rights Act are not general fairness laws, and an employer does not violate them by treating an employee unfairly so long as the employer does not engage in discrimination based upon the employee’s protected status,” the court said

# ¿ Jul 1, 2019 22:33

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

computers get tired and need to sleep - they're people just like you and me

# ¿ Jul 2, 2019 17:28

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

chitoryu12 posted:

My girlfriend wants me to get circumcised

I thought I was circumcised until I was like 17. I understood that circumcision removes the foreskin. I just thought that the head of my penis was my foreskin. I had seen porn before - just not enough, I guess. then one day my girlfriend was like "...maybe we should look it up". and that's how I found out both that I was circumcised and that some penises have horrifying flesh jackets

Best Bi Geek Squid fucked around with this message at 22:28 on Jul 2, 2019

# ¿ Jul 2, 2019 22:19

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

Chomp8645 posted:

It sounds like you are still confused.

drat you're not wrong

# ¿ Jul 2, 2019 22:27

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

i vomit kittens posted:

if you thought that you were circumcised and believed that the head of your dick is your foreskin... is your schlong just a geometric cylinder?

I thought that there was still a tip - a featureless one that matched the circumference of the main shaft. like if you just cut off the squishy part of the head

# ¿ Jul 2, 2019 22:36

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

luxury handset posted:

just kramering right into the butthole

that is a ... memorable phrase

# ¿ Jul 2, 2019 23:15

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

welcome to hell posted:

AITA for telling a friend she should rethink her baby's name

# ¿ Jul 3, 2019 15:57

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

/r/relationships: come for the most vitriolic, lovely derails on the forums

My girlfriend's appearance is coincidentally reminding me of my mother. Anything I can do?

quote:

To preface, my mother passed away suddenly 3 years ago. It was a rough time for awhile but you move on. Everyone has their own poo poo.

I met my girlfriend almost a year after that and we've been in a relationship for 2 yeas now. She's really great, has fantastic values and i do find her attractive. I've begun to notice that she coincidentally she has somewhat similar features as my mom, (this is just a bizarre coincidence. I'm attracted to many types of women.) both fair skinned, light eyes and dirty blonde hair(though my gf dyes it this way, she has a very light brown otherwise). As of her last haircut I feel as though I find that it parallels her even more and its diminishing my attraction. Whereas my mom had shoulder-length dirty blonde hair, my gf cut her long hair to be shoulder length now. they both even wear their hair down most of the time. its kinda weirding me out.

I feel as though if my gf changed it somehow either not dying it, or dying it a different color, or having it a different length I might feel better. But I'm also aware that its not necessarily HER problem, it would be my problem. Do I even tell her about this issue im having? I feel like that might make her feel uncomfortable too. Any advice would be appreciated.

TL;DR: Girlfriend is reminding me of my mom. her recent haircut has reminded me more. not super into that yo.

what a bizzare and inexplicable coincidence that i am dating someone who looks just like my mom :thunk:

Best Bi Geek Squid fucked around with this message at 21:13 on Jul 9, 2019

# ¿ Jul 9, 2019 21:11

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

i dated a girl for a while who had blonde hair and a particular haircut. we also had a very good sex life and liked (very tame) bdsm stuff. I had never really given that a shot but found it hot that she was into me being dominant etc.

after we broke up, i would not-infrequently see women with similar hair cuts in public. I would be attracted to them, but then realize that they were all older women. then, one day, the following thoughts hit me in rapid succession:

1. oh, it's an older lady haircut
2. my mom has that haircut
3. my mom had blonde hair too
4. well I couldn't have been attracted to that girl just because she looked like my mom. In fact, a big part of our sexual attraction came because i enjoyed domina...

5. oh no

# ¿ Jul 9, 2019 21:25

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

*resturaunt serves a reasonably-sized dish*

american: this is fraud

# ¿ Jul 11, 2019 17:12

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

lol

like what does he expect the legal system to do there?

# ¿ Jul 12, 2019 22:17

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

waitress: "whoops! i dropped my monster female condom that I use for my magnum pussy"

boyfriend: "what delightful service. what is 20% of $31?"

# ¿ Jul 14, 2019 17:07

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

*while shoulder-deep in a cow*

excuse me, it's DOCTOR Cowpuss to you

# ¿ Jul 14, 2019 17:39

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

sandoz posted:

the story of how Hope Hicks got her job

and that baby's name? president donald j trump

# ¿ Jul 18, 2019 16:37

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

Communist Walrus posted:

I'm 90% sure this is just that dude's lovely self-insert cuck fiction

the whole point of cuck fanfiction is that it isn't "self-insert"

# ¿ Jul 22, 2019 13:07

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

coronatae posted:

I prefer hatch chile queso to meat quesos but the way she's talking poo poo about Texas I'm ready to piledrive her into the dirt

“Poor New Mexico! So far from Heaven; so close to Texas.”

# ¿ Jul 22, 2019 15:56

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

/r/relationships: WHAT COULD BE WEONG?!

# ¿ Jul 25, 2019 14:38

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 20, 2024 07:54

Best Bi Geek Squid: Mar 25, 2016

"turn on ur monitor lol"

-a deep cover fbi agent

# ¿ Aug 4, 2019 18:59

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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