- Pope Corky the IX
- Dec 18, 2006
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What are you looking at?
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Hi, yes, hello.
This is version something or other of r/relationships. Despite the name we also accept content from AITA, TIFU, Legal Advice, etc. Please nothing too obviously masturbatory, thanks.
So here are a few rules. This may be amended as time goes on so you may want to check back in here and there.
1) Don't touch the poop. I appreciate that this has never really been a problem here.
2) We all know slurs and bigoted language exist and they'll likely show up in some of the stories posted. That's not a reason to use them yourselves. Again, this is rarely an issue here.
3) No stories of obvious abuse. Sexual, physical, mental, emotional, etc. I get that this one can be tricky sometimes, so feel free to reach out to me if you're unsure. Basically ask yourself "Where's the entertainment value here?" That's not to say that there aren't stories where abuse is referenced, but it's more inspirational because it's someone that was able to get out and thrive. You know, that sort of thing.
4) Related to the above, please take a moment to take a look at the ages in stories and do some math. There's nothing funny about someone in their twenties grooming someone in their teens because now they're both adults.
5) Also related to the above, stories that are basically "I came home to find my boyfriend has poisoned my dog to save our relationship" aren't necessary. I'd like to keep the insane stories of animal cruelty out of this iteration of the thread. Please.
5a) Yes, even a loving fish.
6) Thread titles are usually derived from quotes within a story or comment, though there may be occasions where some lunacy in the thread will result in a title change. Feel free to post an idea for a title change in the thread or send me a PM. Reporting isn't necessary.
7) Reposts make me think it’s last Tuesday and I don’t like that. Unless it is in fact last Tuesday.
In general, please PM me or otherwise get in touch with another IK or mod or admin, or file a report, if you find anything particularly upsetting or triggering or offensive. I will do what I can to take care of the situation as soon as possible. This is a place to laugh at idiots and assholes, not feel like poo poo.
Previous thread: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3982535
Google Doc with older stories: https://docs.google.com/document/d/13V5l29qMZTuXSOwYyfGnBO7yLsSV9FSA9YLerLHa8pM/edit
THREAD TITLES
due to our age gape
AITA for not inviting my eldest brother to my wedding.
I consider myself a good feminist...yet here I am
Good clown credentials
AITA for inviting a clown to my wedding and putting him in the pictures?
Firstly, you guys are loving insane.
Wife (24F) Claims She Lost Feelings for Me (24M) Because of a Dumb Joke - PPD or Something Else?
No it's fine, you won. Now you can have your baby boy back full time
AITA for calling off my wedding and telling my fiancé to move back home with mommy?
It makes it sound worse when phrased like that.
AITA for not inviting my mentally unstable cousin to my wedding
RIP Big John
Pope Corky the IX fucked around with this message at 22:38 on Apr 23, 2024
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Apr 2, 2024 16:17
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 30, 2024 09:10
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- Biplane
- Jul 18, 2005
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Can't post for 4 hours!
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We are well rid of Big John
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Apr 2, 2024 16:22
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- FMguru
- Sep 10, 2003
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peed on;
sexually
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Big John will live forever in our hearts.
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Apr 2, 2024 16:24
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- Costco Meatballs
- Oct 21, 2022
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Requesting that the thread title post can please be linked in the OP? Would be super handy for the curious but only semi-avid thread readers.
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Apr 2, 2024 16:25
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- BAGS FLY AT NOON
- Apr 6, 2011
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A Soft Nylon Bag
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Big John gone, but never forgotten
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Apr 2, 2024 16:29
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- El Spamo
- Aug 21, 2003
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Fuss and misery
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I hear he's pretty big
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Apr 2, 2024 16:31
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- Magic Hate Ball
- May 6, 2007
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ha ha ha!
you've already paid for this
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rip big john, died as he lived, lounging and gaping
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Apr 2, 2024 16:32
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- mystes
- May 31, 2006
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I don't know who big john is.
So I read this and yeah.
I [23f] created a 1:1 scale puppet version of my boyfriend [22m] and showed it to him during foreplay as a joke. Now he hasn’t texted me in 12 hours and I’m starting to get worried. How do I get him to text me back?
quote:
The title pretty much says it all, but here are some more details: my boyfriend of six months and I have had a pretty cut and dry relationship up to this point. I’ve always been what some people would call “quirky,” so pranks are sort of my bread and butter. He, John, has expressed that he really likes this part of me and I’m just happy to be with someone who can handle all of my zest, lol! Sometimes I worry that he doesn’t actually think I’m as funny as he says, but he always reassures me that this is not the case. One of the ways we really like to express our humor to each other is in the bedroom, for example I love to do impressions of mostly Disney characters (such as the “paperwork” lady from Monsters Inc, haha). He sometimes does them too, but he’s not that good at voices.
So here’s where I think I may have taken it too far: I recently bought a sewing machine to try and make cosplay costumes and stuff, but something dawned on me as I was messing around with it. This was the plan:
We oftentimes sexytimes with a habitual back rub massage sort of thing, and we switch off. And then we progress into french kissing and then full blown you know what. One very important fact to tell you is that John does in fact wear glasses, so I will usually make a point to take them off and put them on the table for safety. During this particular romp in the hay, I got a really funny idea about how to take his glasses off next time and I couldn’t stop laughing. He asked me what I was laughing at because he has some insecurity about his appearance, but I assured him that it was nothing like that. We had our fun and John went home, but all I could think about was this plan.
So the next day I went to the fabric store and bought a bunch of skin colored felt and wire framing and cotton and got to work creating a muppet-style version of my boyfriend to put his glasses on next time we started getting dirty style. Honestly, the thing was looking pretty good and I even found some clothes at Goodwill that were his style. I dressed the puppet in the clothes, hid them under my collection of squishmallows that’s in my room, and invited him over.
To spare you all the explicit details, we did start kissing and taking clothes off and stuff, but my hands were shaking as I reached up to grab his glasses. Instead of putting it on my nightstand I made a point to say something like “I’m just gonna put these riiiiight here” as I stretched over to the squishmallow that was covering the puppet boyfriend’s head and put the glasses right over his felt eyes. He got confused I think and looked back to where I put the glasses and sat up, as a felt version of his face (very easily identifiable by the way, John has red hair and a mustache, so the glasses on top left little question of who this could be). He was silent for a second then said “is that supposed to be me?” as I was laughing. I said something like “do you like it?” as I took it out of the squishmallow pile and revealed the entirety of muppet John.
“Oh did you make that?” he asked, and I stood it up off the bed and asked him to stand next to it. “See? It’s just like you basically!” I said, but he still wasn’t laughing that much. I think he saw that the muppet ended up being just a little bit taller than him (he’s 5’7 and probably insecure about that, the muppet ended up accidentally being a little taller than him, around 6’1 based on seeing them side by side).
I noticed his disappointment and did a tried and true disney impression to make him feel better. In my best Goofy impression I said “Well, looks like we should call him Big, John, Hyuck!” John just took the glasses off of Big John and let him fall to the floor, and put the glasses on the nightstand and sat on the bed for a while but we eventually went to Sin city but it was a lot more quiet than usual. He left after that, even though we were planning on having a sleepover, he said he wasn’t feeling good. I texted him goodnight and went to bed.
So here’s the ish: this morning I haven’t gotten any good morning text, or any texts at all from him, even though he always sends me a good morning text. I’m worried that Big John was a step too far and that normal john didn’t think the joke was as funny as I did. I feel like he’s just putting me in an uncomfortable position by not telling me how this made him really feel, even though I thought it was pretty funny… Is this salvageable or am I effed?
tl;dr : Created a life-sized puppet of my boyfriend to put his glasses on. But, I think it made him insecure, and now he wont text me.
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Apr 2, 2024 16:33
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- Pope Corky the IX
- Dec 18, 2006
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What are you looking at?
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I don't know who big john is.
So I read this and yeah.
quote:
I [23f] created a 1:1 scale puppet version of my boyfriend [22m] and showed it to him during foreplay as a joke. Now he hasn’t texted me in 12 hours and I’m starting to get worried. How do I get him to text me back?
The title pretty much says it all, but here are some more details: my boyfriend of six months and I have had a pretty cut and dry relationship up to this point. I’ve always been what some people would call “quirky,” so pranks are sort of my bread and butter. He, John, has expressed that he really likes this part of me and I’m just happy to be with someone who can handle all of my zest, lol! Sometimes I worry that he doesn’t actually think I’m as funny as he says, but he always reassures me that this is not the case. One of the ways we really like to express our humor to each other is in the bedroom, for example I love to do impressions of mostly Disney characters (such as the “paperwork” lady from Monsters Inc, haha). He sometimes does them too, but he’s not that good at voices.
So here’s where I think I may have taken it too far: I recently bought a sewing machine to try and make cosplay costumes and stuff, but something dawned on me as I was messing around with it. This was the plan:
We oftentimes sexytimes with a habitual back rub massage sort of thing, and we switch off. And then we progress into french kissing and then full blown you know what. One very important fact to tell you is that John does in fact wear glasses, so I will usually make a point to take them off and put them on the table for safety. During this particular romp in the hay, I got a really funny idea about how to take his glasses off next time and I couldn’t stop laughing. He asked me what I was laughing at because he has some insecurity about his appearance, but I assured him that it was nothing like that. We had our fun and John went home, but all I could think about was this plan.
So the next day I went to the fabric store and bought a bunch of skin colored felt and wire framing and cotton and got to work creating a muppet-style version of my boyfriend to put his glasses on next time we started getting dirty style. Honestly, the thing was looking pretty good and I even found some clothes at Goodwill that were his style. I dressed the puppet in the clothes, hid them under my collection of squishmallows that’s in my room, and invited him over.
To spare you all the explicit details, we did start kissing and taking clothes off and stuff, but my hands were shaking as I reached up to grab his glasses. Instead of putting it on my nightstand I made a point to say something like “I’m just gonna put these riiiiight here” as I stretched over to the squishmallow that was covering the puppet boyfriend’s head and put the glasses right over his felt eyes. He got confused I think and looked back to where I put the glasses and sat up, as a felt version of his face (very easily identifiable by the way, John has red hair and a mustache, so the glasses on top left little question of who this could be). He was silent for a second then said “is that supposed to be me?” as I was laughing. I said something like “do you like it?” as I took it out of the squishmallow pile and revealed the entirety of muppet John.
“Oh did you make that?” he asked, and I stood it up off the bed and asked him to stand next to it. “See? It’s just like you basically!” I said, but he still wasn’t laughing that much. I think he saw that the muppet ended up being just a little bit taller than him (he’s 5’7 and probably insecure about that, the muppet ended up accidentally being a little taller than him, around 6’1 based on seeing them side by side).
I noticed his disappointment and did a tried and true disney impression to make him feel better. In my best Goofy impression I said “Well, looks like we should call him Big, John, Hyuck!” John just took the glasses off of Big John and let him fall to the floor, and put the glasses on the nightstand and sat on the bed for a while but we eventually went to Sin city but it was a lot more quiet than usual. He left after that, even though we were planning on having a sleepover, he said he wasn’t feeling good. I texted him goodnight and went to bed.
So here’s the ish: this morning I haven’t gotten any good morning text, or any texts at all from him, even though he always sends me a good morning text. I’m worried that Big John was a step too far and that normal john didn’t think the joke was as funny as I did. I feel like he’s just putting me in an uncomfortable position by not telling me how this made him really feel, even though I thought it was pretty funny… Is this salvageable or am I effed?
tl;dr : Created a life-sized puppet of my boyfriend to put his glasses on. But, I think it made him insecure, and now he wont text me.
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Apr 2, 2024 16:33
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- ApplesandOranges
- Jun 22, 2012
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Thankee kindly.
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Ex-friend 34F asked me 35M about our relationship over 10 years ago. How to respond?
quote:TL;DR ex-friend Facebook messaged me asking why she wasn’t good enough for me after running into each other over 10 years later. We’re both married with children of our own. How to respond to her messages?
So this will be a weird one. I made a throw away for it as I think this is a pretty unique situation that the person in question could very easily figure out is about them and I don’t want them knowing my main. If they even use Reddit. I 35M am happily married with two children. My wife 32F and I have been together for 8 years married for 4. We were out shopping in our hometown when we ran into my ex-friend, her parents and her children. She moved out of state over 10 years ago and I haven’t seen her since nor have we had any contact other than Facebook happy birthday wishes. She is married with two kids of her own.
Anyway onto the situation. My FIL and her father are friendly with each other. Both retired military and occasionally have breakfast together with their other retired friends. When we ran into each other ex-friends dad congratulated my wife and I. We figured my FIL told him we’re expecting our third child. I saw my ex-friend look at my wife’s belly and then acted distant for the rest of the exchange whereas she was friendly starting off. We trade pleasantries and say good bye. My wife and I continue about our shopping. By the time we’re done I check my phone and see I have a Facebook message from ex-friend.
Ex-F “It was good to see you again!” Me “You too! The family looks good!” Ex-F “Yours too! Would you wanna grab coffee and catch up? I’m in town for a couple more days” Me “We’re actually pretty busy otherwise I would be down. I’m sorry” Ex-F “I understand. Adulting. Can I ask you a question?” Me ”Sure, what’s up?” Ex-F “Was I just not your type?” Me “What do you mean” Ex-F “I’m asking what did I do wrong?” Me- Didn’t respond as this was out of no where Ex-F “I pursued you for years. We were inseparable for years and you never gave us a real chance. I loved you. Our families loved us. Our friends loved us together…you just never committed all the way to us. You wouldn’t even have sex with me and I need to know why? Was I not good enough? Could you not see yourself married to me and having a family together?”
I didn’t respond and I showed the messages to my wife. She knows of this girl and my reasoning for her and I growing apart (mostly because we see her family everywhere and she asked). My wife told me to be honest with her but I’m not sure if that’s right. It feels mean. I’m going to give my POV on our friendship and I’m hoping I can get some advice on where to go from here.
Basically she and I met through friends in high school. I was very interested but she was dating some one at the time. She ended up asking me out a month or so later and we went on dates and kissed a few times though we never had the conversation on being official (hence me calling her friend and not girlfriend). One night while riding in the car, her (who I thought was ex) bf called her and asked when she’d be over. She didn’t have it on speaker but I could still hear the conversation. She told him “I can’t talk right now” and he asked who she’s with. She didn’t tell him. He later figured it out and messaged me on Facebook asking if I knew they were still together. I apologized and said I didn’t and would cut things off. I called her and she started crying saying she didn’t have the courage to tell me they were still together but she liked me so much and was going to break up with him. I cut her off anyway. Fast forward a few more months and she reaches out and we go through the same motions. Her wanting to be with me but always having another guy messaging her that I would catch out of the corner of my eye. This lasted (embarrassingly) years. Throughout college and our early twenties it was always the same. She’d reach out, we’d reconnect and things begin getting serious again. I’d check her social media and see she just broke up with someone. We even went on vacation to the mountains together for a weekend and the same thing. She had literally just been there a month ago with her ex(the trip with me was her idea). The worst part is both our families really did love us together. My parents were never “rude” to my girlfriends but would ask me how ex-f is doing these days. Or snide remarks about how her parents miss me. Hell even my now FIL at one point mentioned that ex’s dad brought up how he really thought I’d be his son one day.
I confided in my friends years ago that I’m always just a rebound or backup plan and that’s why I could never commit or get more physical with her. They told me to just sleep with her when she comes calling and don’t pursue anything more. The problem was I wanted more but felt used. Anyways, every time we would plan things out where sex was more than likely on the table, I’d see a guy message her or I’d see a post on social media and it just killed my enthusiasm. When I say that I mean literally. It crushed my confidence every single time. One of my best friends told me I didn’t have to pay attention to all that and could’ve just had my fun with her. Didn’t mean I had to chase a relationship with her knowing I was always a rebound. That felt lovely to me. I had other girlfriends here and there but I wanted this girl. We just clicked, you know? But it’s like some sort of god drat mystical being was showing me a sign EVERY SINGLE TIME things were going to progress our relationship. I just didn’t want her to be getting over some one else or having some one on back burner when we’d reconnect. Maybe that’s my own insecurity but I know how I felt and it didn’t feel good. So I slowly distanced myself. After a short amount of time passed I met my wife. She met her husband and our lives moved on with little to no contact until the other day.
I haven’t responded to the message and it’s been two days. I was thinking of just lying and saying it’s not her fault or just not responding but my wife is insisting I tell her the whole thing. I know this is a word wall but I’m honestly conflicted. I told my wife I was going to ask others for their opinion and I’m considering the internet as my others.
Update: Ex-friend 34F asked me 35M about our relationship over 10 years ago. How to respond?
quote:Thank you every one for responses. I decided to listen to the majority and responded to Ex-Friend “A”. The response was well received and we chatted the rest of the week and met up on the weekend before Easter. The short of it is we’re both leaving our partners. A and I are gonna try this relationship again now that we’ve completely opened up to each other about our true feelings. Thank you all for the encouragement to do this. Couldn’t have done it without you.
quote:April fools. I would never. The real update is pretty anti climactic unfortunately. I ended up just never responding to A. It had already been 5 days by the time I read through every response and decided to just let it go. My wife was fine with that but told me to block her if she messages again. We did a couple Easter egg hunts with different family members yesterday including at my FILs. They have a decent sized property and host quite a few people so I wasn’t surprised to see non-family members. I was however surprised when A’s parents were there with her children. After all the adults scattered and hid the eggs and the kids started their search A’s dad came over to chat with me, nothing out of the ordinary, and we shot the poo poo for a few minutes. Towards the end I asked if the kids were staying with them for Easter and he basically told me A and her husband were having some troubles and they needed some time alone to sort things out. He didn’t go into specifics so I don’t know exactly what “troubles” are but congratulations to those of you who called that one.
For now this should conclude the story. If she does happen to reach out again and I feel it’s worth letting you all know what it says then I will. Otherwise thanks again!
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Apr 2, 2024 16:35
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- Pope Corky the IX
- Dec 18, 2006
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What are you looking at?
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Where's your sense of fun?
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Apr 2, 2024 16:37
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- Pyroi
- Aug 17, 2013
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gay elf noises
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It's off somewhere eating breakfast in a hotel bed.
edit for content
AITA for refusing to answer to my grandparents "nickname" for me?
Honestly that's not even that bad of a name compared to some of the ones we get here.
Also: RIP Big John
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Apr 2, 2024 16:46
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- nonathlon
- Jul 9, 2004
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And yet, somehow, now it's my fault ...
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quote:
The world's least observant OP:
I (25F) found my boyfriend (25M) on a dating app and he says it was a joke. How do I deal with this?
Here we are, in a world with televisions, cinema, streaming services and online videos, social media, sports, theatre and travel, newspapers and blogs, an endless torrent of content and entertainment. Yet people still try to explain to their partner that they joined a dating app "for a joke", "as a gag", "because they were bored" 
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Apr 2, 2024 16:48
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- trickybiscuits
- Jan 13, 2008
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yospos
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Something small and nice from AAM
Dealing with a boundary-stomping parent when interviewing from home
quote:This is something I used to do many moons ago, and now wonder how good an idea it was. I was staying with my parents, searching for work, and my father constantly “forgot” to stay out of the room and not make noise when I was on a call. He would poke his head into the room and interrupt the conversation or bang around so loudly the interviewer could hear it. He was impossible to ignore.
Sign on the door didn’t work; reminding him beforehand wasn’t always possible and didn’t work when it was. The house was big: he could easily have avoided this one upstairs hallway and put off the lawn mowing, at least if my voice was audible. He was apologetic when called out, but not sorry enough to stop doing it.
Anyway, the solution I found was to tell the interviewer, “Sorry about that; my dad lives here and he sometimes gets a little confused.” Not technically a lie, but it framed me as a tolerant adult who knew business norms rather than a surly teenager. Admittedly I was applying for jobs that would have me moving away from him, and thus I clearly had no caregiving responsibilities. I might not have used that excuse for a local job. But what do you think? How should such a situation be handled?
quote:I think you landed on a perfect solution. It allowed you to acknowledge the interruption and give a sympathetic explanation for it. “Tolerant adult who knew business norms rather than a surly teenager” is a perfect way to put it. trickybiscuits fucked around with this message at 17:10 on Apr 2, 2024
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Apr 2, 2024 16:52
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- DoctorWhat
- Nov 18, 2011
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A little privacy, please?
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Update: Ex-friend 34F asked me 35M about our relationship over 10 years ago. How to respond?
The spoiler here is a pro click, oh my god. Laughed like a loon.
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Apr 2, 2024 16:54
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- pentyne
- Nov 7, 2012
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to 1500 pages and beyond
due to our age gape
AITA for not inviting my eldest brother to my wedding.
I consider myself a good feminist...yet here I am
Good clown credentials
AITA for inviting a clown to my wedding and putting him in the pictures?
Firstly, you guys are loving insane.
Wife (24F) Claims She Lost Feelings for Me (24M) Because of a Dumb Joke - PPD or Something Else?
No it's fine, you won. Now you can have your baby boy back full time
AITA for calling off my wedding and telling my fiancé to move back home with mommy?
It makes it sound worse when phrased like that.
AITA for not inviting my mentally unstable cousin to my wedding
pentyne fucked around with this message at 21:50 on Apr 21, 2024
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Apr 2, 2024 16:58
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- the holy poopacy
- May 16, 2009
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hey! check this out
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Fun Shoe
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Ex-friend 34F asked me 35M about our relationship over 10 years ago. How to respond?
Update: Ex-friend 34F asked me 35M about our relationship over 10 years ago. How to respond?
lol, it rhymes
I think Astraea is pretty decent for an unusual name?
Yeah, it's a classical mythology name (among other things) but it sounds pretty and isn't one of the more common bonery ones.
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Apr 2, 2024 16:59
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- binge crotching
- Apr 2, 2010
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Requesting that the thread title post can please be linked in the OP? Would be super handy for the curious but only semi-avid thread readers.
That'd be helpful
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Apr 2, 2024 17:07
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- Das Boo
- Jun 9, 2011
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There was a GHOST here.
It's gone now.
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I thought this was another death thread for a sec and was wondering if Big John was a wrestler I didn't know about.
Poor Big John, thought of sex and died.
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Apr 2, 2024 17:18
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- InediblePenguin
- Sep 27, 2004
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I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.
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lol, it rhymes
Yeah, it's a classical mythology name (among other things) but it sounds pretty and isn't one of the more common bonery ones.
i know this but still thought of a bogan saying "straya" when i read it as a name for a living human in this era
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Apr 2, 2024 17:23
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- Skutter
- Apr 8, 2007
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Well you can fuck that sky high!
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WIBTA for asking the staff at my gym to stop someone from recording classes?
quote:My gym has daily group exercise classes that I’ve recently joined. In the two weeks I’ve been here, one regular stands out the most. She regularly abandons the workout pick up her phone and record the class.
Everyone else in class.
She’ll weave through everyone and pan from different angles, record the instructor and everyone else going through the motions. If any of us make eye contact, she just smiles and shrugs. “It’s for Insta and the Viber group,” she’ll say. She does this for every class, no matter what it is — yoga, zumba, boxing, spin class. A person asked her to stop once, and all she did was move the camera so they wouldn’t be filmed. An instructor for a different class did the same recently, and she just kept going (still not working out).
I’ve never been good at confrontation, but I really want this to stop. I hate being recorded and honestly, it irks me that in a class of people working on their health and fitness, there’s one person farming us for content. I’m afraid of being brushed off if I talk to her about it, so I’m considering going full child with a toddler sibling and telling on her to the gym staff. I know it’s a low blow, but it’s all I can think of doing right now that won’t involve throwing her phone into the nearest river.
I don’t even know if telling on her will do anything about the situation, really. It feels really immature, but I just want someone with some ability to enforce rules to make her stop.
I can understand someone recording themselves to check their form, but this sounds way over the top, especially with the different angles thing. Why is that necessary? And why hasn't she been kicked out?!
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Apr 2, 2024 17:34
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 30, 2024 09:10
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Apr 2, 2024 16:17
someone please enlighten me.
