Vasudus posted:

During the FTX, there was a frog that hopped out of the stream in the middle of our tent site. I jokingly said 'hey Hilton, five bucks to eat that frog'. Motherfucker reached over, grabbed it and hamfisted it into his maw, chewed and swallowed. About ten people saw it happen and everyone had the most horrified look on their faces.

Snowdens Secret posted:

Why is dropping a GPS and breaking it something worthy of losing your command over? I get it's just a platoon and all but that seems like a big smack in the face. What am I missing?

DEVILDOGOOORAH posted:

I may have posted that before but it makes me mad to think about it!

grumplestiltzkin posted:

hahahaha no. Reread my previous post, the nuke fleet is full of dumbfucks. Its just that you get a bunch of really really smart dumbfucks together, and they work out ways to cover up their dumbfuckery.

xwonderboyx posted:

Dude got kicked off my boat for sleeping on watch. He slept on every watch, but the one that got him was topside. Anyway, doctor diagnosed him with narcolepsy. So what do they have him doing while in holding awaiting separation? Duty driver. Mother loving narcoleptic duty driver. This dude wrecked a van full of dudes on their way to holiday stand down on the hour long drive from Groton to Providence airport. Just drifted it into a ditch doing about 50.

genderstomper58 posted:

http://www.kfoxtv.com/news/news/how-does-mp-serve-visible-tattoos/nWCPS/

I met some retarded trashy navy people in my day but I still don't think we hold a candle to the bottom of the army~

quote:

Although I'd like to think that America's best and brightest serve in our armed forces, I can't help but be feel I've been slapped with reality when I see and read about people like this clown. I'm just thankful that idiots like this are the exception.

Zip posted:

tugging at the chin strap screaming "MY BURWAP IS ON FIYAH! MY BURWAP IS ON FIYAH!"

KetTarma posted:

Is this a fake post?

EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:

Like the time I was running a range and got ordered to burn the last 10000 rounds of .50 cal because people didn't want to turn it into the magazine?

Fart Sandwiches posted:

If you have any nerds that know perl or python you can pretty easily translate that into readable text, even down to making it so it's not all caps.

safetyStanddown posted:

That is not how it would go. Python is very common and pretty secure. The difficulty is finding someone who can write the script properly, and that's totally worth doing btw; if you're good enough with Python, then it can literally do everything for you.

Mr. Nice! posted:

If you fall over, swimming is the least of your concern. The ocean is very easy to float in. The problem is, the survivability time in open ocean is sometimes measured in minutes. If it's cold, we have a sliding scale that tells us how long before hypothermia sets in. It doesn't take much. Once you start getting below 75° or so, hypothermia can start in just a few minutes. The colder it gets, the faster it onsets. When the water is above 80 degrees, you're solid for hypothermia. No worries there, but then you have to worry about sharks. There are a shitton of sharks out there, and they will loving kill and eat you. There's a maximum point of survival time estimates at the peak of cold water and bottom of warm water. That temp water isn't very common. You're pretty much hosed if you fall over unless someone very alert spots you.

Scratch Monkey posted:

Not all deaths on a carrier are due to man overboards. Tons of dangerous poo poo happens in the normal course of flight ops that can easily kill.

Wasabi the J posted:

Honestly what is a horribly inaccurate war movie that people take seriously? I know I'm missing something, but Hurt Locker is the most recent, most mentioned bullshit move that people ask about for reality checks.

Casimir Radon posted:

Idiot boy got convicted, continues to dig that hole ever so deeper.

BlindSite posted:

Is it cool to post stories my brother has told me?

Any way, he was telling me about their pre-deployment for Afghan briefings. One day they had a psych come in to talk to them about your natural reactions to combat and what to expect if you're taken prisoner by the assorted grab bag of scumbags in Afghanistan. They got on to the subject that Australian soldiers could potentially be raped if taken prisoner and that it was a completely normal reaction for an otherwise straight man to get an erection should that occur.

One dude pops up his hand and completely straight faced asks "is it normal for you to get an erection if you're just watching them rape one of your mates?"

genderstomper58 posted:

his degree institutions are in the story you loving dimwits

ManMythLegend posted:

I've got tons of stories about idiots, but one of my favorites is this little vignette about an intrepid Seaman Recruit (E-1 for those of you not familiar with Navy). We'll call him Cletus.

Cletus is from a tiny, mud hole town in Arkansas somewhere. He is exactly the sort of barely literate, possibly actually legitimately retarded, manchild that the military loves to recruit. His speech is almost unintelligible from a combination of poor vocabulary and an incredibly thick accent of some form along with a mild lisp. He was short and skinny, with a face that looked like he was the product of generations of both incest and interspecies copulation. If there is ever a book on white trash genealogy published this guy would be the cover.

So Cletus gets called into the XO's office late one night for an unrelated thing (which is also a hilarious story in and of itself). As legal officer I was present for most of these sort of grilling sessions in case they ended up getting forwarded to NJP.

In the course of the questioning for the other thing the subject of money comes up. He claims to not have any at all. On one hand, he is an undesignated E-1 so he gets paid next to nothing, but on the other hand he lives onboard, has no bills, and has been on deployment for almost four months with only one port visit so he should have something in his account. So the XO starts pulling that string.

Cletus then starts talking about how he met a girl back home during POM leave. While there he got her pregnant and was sending all his money back to her via a pay allotment so she could "save it for when the baby comes". The XO then calmly asks if he was sure it was his. He was adamant that it was. He then starts to describe that beautiful night during which we in the room realize he didn't actually have sex with her. He just got a BJ in a bar bathroom.

The XO stops him and says, "you can't get someone pregnant with a blow job". This revelation blew young Cletus's mind and he just stood there, dumbstruck. The XO to his credit, just calmly shook his head and told CMC to head down to admin and cancel the allotment.

shyduck posted:

iPhone = hipsters, chicks attractive, sex-having internet forum moderators
Android = geeks, nerds, poors
Windows Mobile = loving weirdos

Viva Miriya posted:

tell me how to get big tiddy goth gf

Casimir Radon posted:

He was involved with cryptocurrency. His mind broke a long time ago.

chitoryu12 posted:

The Marines aren't used to the women having sex willingly and it scared them.

MRC48B posted:

quote:

The only problem I have with killing an ISIS member is that the MORON SEAL took pictures and sent them out. If you're going to take pictures of bad things, you show people in person. You Do Not Send Them Out.

First rule of taking semi-legal pictures during war.
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The only problem I have with stabbing to death a 15 year old is that the MORON SEAL took pictures

quote:

He deserves a medal for this. If you have any idea what ISIS did to women and children in Syria, you would agree. Only a moron liberal journalist would disagree.

quote:

Sounds like a set up to me, a bunch of youg troops who could not handle a bard charging senior NCO, so lets target him. Glad I never made a career out of it this younger generation makes me sick.

quote:

Jesus loving gently caress...

This story gets more and more depressing. I'm purposely avoiding looking at the Facebook comments on this one. Too many of the previous updates were full of dickheads saying "he's a hero in my book!"

Look, guys, I get it. I've been in some pretty hosed situations where people tried their little hearts out to kill me. But what separates the military from a group of armed thugs is how we conduct ourselves. And killing prisoners, or just randomly shooting at civilians, is not what the military does. This whole poo poo-show and the apologetics I've seen people engage in because of it are pretty loving disheartening.

Let's all agree that killing civilians is wrong and killing a prisoner is wrong. Can we all do that?