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I'll share my better story when I have a bit more time to write it. This one comes from boot camp. I also was a summer 2007 enlistment, and I also had a platoon of complete morons. Some weren't, but most were. At any rate, we had this one recruit who had scored like in the 70s or 80s on his ASVAB. Probably a smart kid right? Wrong. One of our drill instructors was so baffled by how dumb he was one day and if he was an ASVAB waiver. The dude replied, "No sir! I got an XX [enter ASVAB score here]." The D.I. was understandably dumfounded. Later, when studying for the knowledge tests, we learn that this dude is pretty much illiterate. He could "read" but at like an elementary school level. Apparently he just got REALLY lucky guessing on the ASVAB. It gets better though. This D.I., knowing Recruit Dumbfuck couldn't read, took him under his wing to make god drat sure he passed the final knowledge test. Said D.I. was also fairly confident our platoon would place first because we had a reasonably large number of recruits who actually WERE smart (we had a lot of the smartest and dumbest people in that platoon, no one really in the average area). We didn't. We came in second to last. We also had a stupidly high number of people fail the test. Guess who didn't fail. Senior Illiterate. Guess who scored a 100% on the test. Senior Illiterate. The entire platoon got the every living poo poo IT'd out of us for that.
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Nov 28, 2012 08:40
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My worse story (though not not nearly as bad as accidentally invading Syria), involves a motivated Staff Sergeant. A Staff Sergeant so motivated, he decided to say "gently caress the police" and leave his trusty M4 inside the wire when he went on a convoy. Now, at this point, I'm sure a lot of you are probably thinking, "wtf," but it actually gets worse. This convoy was not just any convoy. Oh no, this convoy was the LAST convoy for our company out of Camp Dwyer. Our company was literally leaving Camp Dwyer for the remainder of our deployment. As in, no one was left in our company lot. He left his M4 sitting in the now abandoned company headquarters at Camp Dwyer. He didn't realize this until half way to Leatherneck, where the convoy was stopped in the middle of the desert so him and various other SNCOs could BFT each other in an effort to avoid using comm and letting every other swinging dick (aka junior Marines) what was going down. His M4 ended up taking a seat on a C130 or some poo poo up to Leatherneck so he could get his rifle back. Now, I'm sure you are all wondering what sort of punishment he got for being so stupid/literally wasting a ton of government cash to get his rifle back was. Nope, not a NJP, no court martial ofc. A loving 6105. A slightly-harder-than-a-page-11 slap on the wrist. I can only imagine what would have happened to anyone E-5 or below.
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Dec 4, 2012 21:15
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Dr. Tough posted:I used to work for a county government in Arizona. One day the police dropped off a new report. The night before, some kids had been throwing water balloons at passing cars. Well somehow or another they managed to smash some poor family's car window with one and got arrested for criminal damage and assault. Well it turns out that they had both just graduated high school and one of them was going to go to the US Naval Academy in the fall. Not anymore!  Bet he learned his lesson.
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Dec 15, 2012 01:46
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This thread took a turn for the worse.
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Jan 23, 2013 09:34
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Vasudus posted:-Combat Engineer horror story- Holy loving ball poo poo I would have probably murdered that dude. At least a swift kick to the nuts, especially considering that would probably be one of the few times one could do that to a higher up and not get NJP'd for it. That seriously is sending chills down my spine just reading that. Thank god that thing wasn't pushing enough current down the line to make that 240 pounds of fun go off.
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Jan 30, 2013 03:12
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http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3551832
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May 29, 2013 06:30
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canyoneer posted:Long time listener, first time caller. Here's an idiot with OpSec. IDR is coming home!!!
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May 23, 2014 22:43
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Anansi The Spider posted:I assume hes had more practice than some dumb private in 11b osut, where the common sense is through the roof already. Lmfao. Boots gonna boot.
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Jun 4, 2014 02:08
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Had to Google wtf an anahole was. It's a pocket pussy if anyone else doesn't know what it is.
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Jun 16, 2014 20:50
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MassivelyBuckNegro posted:Doesn't matter. The sandbags would be filled either way. Whether they are filled by 1000 people or 40 people. I had pretty much this exact honor. Wasabi might think it's dumb to have everyone fill a sandbag at Leatherneck to eat, but that would have been awesome when my platoon got tasked with filling an ungodly fuckton of sandbags over a period of several days at Leatherneck.
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Jan 8, 2015 09:04
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I was the idiot. I joined the Marine Corps.
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Jan 8, 2015 18:22
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Bob A Feet posted:I'm the idiot. That's all you needed to say really.
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Jan 10, 2015 06:53
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Kung Fu Fist gently caress posted:the idea of rooms and doors and cellphones and being buds with your drill sergeants/instructors in loving bootcamp is so alien to me my mind cant process it I am highly skeptical of that story for this reason. Can someone c/d this is real.
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Jan 11, 2015 04:39
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Kung Fu Fist gently caress posted:really get to know someone real good watching each other pinching a loaf I would wink at them. It's pretty funny to watch homophobic hicks from the south freak out while being unable to do anything about it because they are in the middle of the most important 30 second poo poo of their life.
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Jan 11, 2015 18:56
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not caring here posted:Except you might learn about bugs or something interesting useful at summer camp, where as you will learn nothing of use at basic. Seriously, what is with Motor T and being terrible, terrible drivers? I mean I get that if you're in Motor T you are by default a retard, but god drat.
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Jan 12, 2015 00:07
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chitoryu12 posted:The secret to getting laid is -- get ready for this bitch -- finding a girl who wants to have sex with you. Lololol. Good 1
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Jan 13, 2015 19:03
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Bolow posted:In Iwakuni at the test cell there was a bunch of random untracked poo poo that was hidden in the rafters of one of the buildings, hell I don't think anyone even knew about the poo poo being there because it had been up there for so loving long untouched. We had a goddamn NAVAIR inspection show up and GySgt rear end in a top hat makes a loving beeline to the test cell, climbs up the ladder and goes "WHAT IS ALL THIS poo poo UP HERE?!!" That level of buddy fuckery is truly upholding the highest traditions of the United States Marine Corps. Someone get this guy a NAM.
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Jan 14, 2015 21:43
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Icon Of Sin posted:Unserialed lower receivers in your arms room? And PM me pics.
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Jan 15, 2015 01:05
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I genuinely hope he means there are just trigger housing groups, grips, and selectors there without the lower itself. Because the alternative is almost certainly going to result in a pretty insane NCIS/BATF/FBI investigation and someone is going down harrdddd.
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Jan 15, 2015 01:08
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Thump! posted:Wait, they serialize upper receivers? I haven't seen it for M16s or M4s, but someone last page said they do it for internal inventory I guess? E: holy poo poo I just can't get over the concept of unserialed NFA items in a god drat military container. Sorry buddy, but if that is what it is, you are about to be in the epicenter of the biggest military poo poo storm you could ever imagine. USMC503 fucked around with this message at 01:28 on Jan 15, 2015 |
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Jan 15, 2015 01:26
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Justin Tyme posted:As someone who was in your exact position once (11B who had to run the commo shop for a while while a dude was going to school with no prior understanding of how shops operated) you need to absolutely become best buds with your XO because he'll be the one that can sort poo poo like this out. Alternatively I'm sure some Koreans would love to talk to you.
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Jan 15, 2015 10:07
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LCL-Dead posted:Depends on the position I'd imagine. Lots of em want snake eater types but there's a fair amount of jobs a regular 11b/03xx could get into if they've got at least one deployment under their belts. Do yours make things go boom or are they more like strap a go pro to me so we can totally not spy on the hit neighbor down the street undress rc planes?
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Jan 26, 2015 20:32
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LCL-Dead posted:A little bit of both, actually. Mission dictates. That owns. I'm jealous.
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Jan 26, 2015 21:44
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Admiral Bosch posted:LNK and Dwyer DFACs were alright in 2011. Dwyer had Mongolian grills going like every other night(which probably would have sucked if I was ever stationed there, but I was only there after convoys). LNK had the steak and lobster on Sundays, plus one of the smaller DFACs was this bangin' sandwich bar. In 2010 we had the Mongolian grills at LNK and it loving owned. We didn't have lobster then, but we did have crab and steak. I stopped getting the crab after a while because it always made me sick. Lobster would have owned.
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Feb 12, 2015 23:52
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chitoryu12 posted:They're the most useful food I've found for outdoor activities, especially the FRH. They're not any worse than regular canned or frozen food. 
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Feb 13, 2015 02:19
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LCL-Dead posted:I'll throw in another The way that is worded (he is in DEP and went through MEPS) makes me think he already IS open contract. The recruiter conned the gently caress out of that idiot. If he doesn't know his MOS field, that means he signed paperwork without one lol.
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Feb 24, 2015 19:53
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that says he goes for an open contract.
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LAVs are one of those things that look like they'd be hella cool and then you're in one and fucccccccck
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Feb 25, 2015 06:33
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xthetenth posted:Think spider web. Yeah I totes couldn't follow that poo poo. I did hear banjos playing though.
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Feb 25, 2015 19:24
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Vengarr posted:Are FOBs really so boring that you would play with loaded guns just to pass the time? Well generally not loaded, but yeah.
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Feb 26, 2015 22:26
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Kung Fu Fist gently caress posted:smoke crack bitched out on drinking smirnoff ice during a power hour while live streaming so hes a total dorklord Not to nitpick, but he bitched out on drinking like 4 loko or some poo poo. I was the one who actually did do the smirnoff ice power hour for no real reason other than to mock him. E: holy poo poo the last two pages 
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Mar 14, 2015 07:23
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Well I mean, from the girl's perspective, "I'm dating a soldier who is 20, has a car and  " Like, I remember girls claiming to be dating college boys in high school n poo poo as a bragging point. But yeah holy poo poo guys. Clearly he was just freeing her from the matrix.
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Mar 20, 2015 18:58
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Casimir Radon posted:It's really skeezy when they're in high school, but middle school is a special kind of low. That last line wtf. What gun even operates that way?
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Mar 20, 2015 21:07
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My mom is the idiot. She just went off on a tirade about vets receiving disability but are still able to do things like go on hikes (I mentioned shim and spongebob's AT hike). I drat near punched her over the level of willful ignorance and stupidity.
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Apr 6, 2015 03:12
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Zeris posted:In Wardak province, Since late 2008, Somewhere Hajj is sitting there with some trinket, telling his buddies about the dead American he pulled it off of and making up bullshit about what it is because he actually has no idea what it is or how much his Iranian friends would pay for it.
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Apr 14, 2015 07:28
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If you didn't eat Naan the Afghanis gave you on the reg, you seriously missed out on the best part of going to Afghanistan.
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Apr 20, 2015 07:31
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safetyStanddown posted:Oh lol I can't even imagine saluting at the motor pool or construction yard. We had some annoying as gently caress safety contractor attached to us who told our CO we should wear flak and Kevlar every time we are working 5 feet off the ground or higher. On god drat camp leatherneck where there is precisely zero risk of sniper fire. His reasoning? Protection in case we fell, as if that extra weight would somehow stop us from getting hurt and totally not exacerbate the injury. As a USMC combat engineer, I can think of very few instances where there was something we could have fallen on that a flak or Kevlar would have helped.
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Apr 22, 2015 20:01
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Shooting Blanks posted:Ok, someone help me understand this (the M9 story) since I never served. The US military has a boner for accountability for equipment, especially so for items deemed "serialized" (i.e. they have a serial number on them). If a serialized item is lost, the military will lose its absolute poo poo, regardless of how important that item actually is. Same goes for items that get damaged for some reason. I distinctly remember a lot of ninjas roaming around when a motor t driver didn't check around his vehicle for gear when he decided to move his vehicle while we were on standby in Afghanistan. Crushed sapi plates does not make senior enlisted and officers happy. Thank god he didn't run over this other marine's rifle.
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Apr 22, 2015 22:51
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It's mil so it's possible.
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Apr 23, 2015 06:51
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Nostalgia4Infinity posted:That dude owns. Willie Makeit owns.
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Apr 29, 2015 19:15
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Mod edit: nope
Somebody fucked around with this message at 02:48 on May 4, 2015 |
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May 4, 2015 02:43
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