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iyaayas01 posted:Everything the U.S. military does has been, and continues to be, performed by literal retards. There are literal retards in every MOS/rate/AFSC/etc. There are Forest Gumps being led by Master Shakes in every unit.
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Dec 26, 2012 04:24
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I'm trying to refine my "Greater Theory Of Military Idiocy", in which there is a direct correlation between actual, heartfelt "motivation" and severe, debilitating incompetence. Basically I'm stealing from Dunning-Kruger and Sapir-Whorf so I have to ask, "Was this life endangering individual particularly, or unusually motivated? If so, how motivated and did others despise this individual based on their moto level alone before even knowing how life endangeringly stupid they are?" Edit: the language bit is why we always get the "There is no such thing as a field or garrison Marine/Soldier/Sailor" we all well know there are people you trust in the field that you can't leave alone with a sharp object or dull woman but, certain risk averse people (whom I shall now refer to as "cowards") institute language controls in an attempt to cover up their failure and make the people who actually get the job done look like poo poo on paper i.e. the now garrison Marine/Soldier/Sailor making life difficult for the field one. By instituting such heuristic control they offer to make some minor uniform or non life threatening alcohol incident worse for someone's career than actually going and getting someone killed. Steezo fucked around with this message at 03:51 on Jan 30, 2013 |
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Jan 30, 2013 03:28
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Martello posted:The right to party. Normally you have to fight for that. God help you if you're under 21 and don't know where the holes in the fence are come curfew. Why's there a curfew? Some idiot couldn't find a hole in the fence not manned by MP's. Ooh, at one point we were doing nearly an hour early to formation because some commo jackoff couldn't be assed to show up on time and at the time the comm shop didn't have any nco's to reign in the retard. Same guy destroyed a chronograph by issuing out batteries he knew was bad because writing them up and sending out for new ones was too much work and or he was unsupervised. Chronographs being important in artillery because besides barrel wear, the weather + bullet speed coming out of the tube is the other peice of info FDC desperately needs to keep track of so we hit the right loving target. The low men of commo, the wiredogs, were doing nearly everything by the end to make up for Lcpl fucksticks failures. And wiredogs are dumb as hell, like getting lost running from howitzer to howitzer to fix the angr on gun 1 ending up on gun 5 half a mile away. Meanwhile gunbunny E-3's regularly saw the equipment get properly signed off to the mechs for next echelon maintenance. I honestly felt sorry for the one NCO FDC/COMM had that pump who was there since he was always putting out fires until we got up to T/O on NCO's for them then Lcpl fuckstick got the training/assreaming he deserved. Tl:dr, Lcpl Fuckstick nearly set one of these on fire by handing out rechargable batteries known to be deadlined. Could smell burning wires right after it turned on too. At least the other commo people would just get drunk and leave holes in the wall or poo poo on the floor, those were cheap fixes and understandable drunk behavior. That was longer than I expected, it's nice to vent nearly ten years later. Edit: on the note of idiocy, took me ten minutes and google to remember the word chronograph. "Goddamn artillery radar bullet speed finder" brought up a lot of sports equipment and sex toys but no arty chronograph. Steezo fucked around with this message at 23:06 on Mar 7, 2013 |
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Mar 7, 2013 22:37
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HATE CURES TRANNYS posted:I definitely don't blame you for that one. Those things are the gift that keeps on giving (grave injuries). Hell, even before OIF1 kicked off we didn't have sewer slurpee service for the port a shitters at RCT-7 because the slurpee truck drove over an unexploded bomblet. Didn't have service for a few weeks and our GP tent was next to the drat things. I was looking forward to being deployed AWAY from 29 Palms to avoid the Lake Bandini smell and it still loving found me. Then we wound up outside Diwaniya for a while... then IN Diwaniya... then back to Dawiniya when we egressed. Years later I have shorts that no amount of washing will remove the smell from. Not sure about MLRS but on ICM/DPICM official failure rate on the bomblets is around 12%. You're supposed to send engineers in after firing it. Or a few HE. We usually did the HE thing. Tried to turn hills into holes. In this story we're the idiots or the slurpee driver, I'm not sure. Did find out the NBC sprayer that we used to wash our trucks, SINADER? would take penis graffiti off shitter walls.
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Jun 7, 2013 03:49
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Stultus Maximus posted:Oh I believe it. We had a sailor give birth on the Reagan. Went to medical complaining of food poisoning, came out with a baby. How many people got in the Maury Povich paternity test line for that one?
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Jun 8, 2013 01:05
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friend of the family DEATH TURBO posted:Do you think someone who would get another person to stab them so they can avoid doing a few pushups and a little run is thinking about any of that? Maybe not an airmen but I know I had this conversation way back when I was a Lance Corporal...
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Jul 31, 2013 09:26
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Mr. Nice! posted:The mission itself isn't close to real life. The people, though? Almost perfect. My dad was surface navy an I think it's his favorite navy movie, he keeps a copy on the same shelf as run silent run deep an flight of the intruder. He was a ship driver on the Manatee...
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Sep 20, 2013 10:28
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gleep gloop posted:Remember one of the first casualties in OIF was a tank driving off a bridge into a river and the other tanks not noticing until they got where they were going. I know I'm late but driving over the hastily emplaced bridge section with the tank in the water was a surreal experience. Our packs were hanging over water and as we drove up we saw the tank. Bonus was that on the way out of that pos and out of Baghdad we saw our first flipped MTVR, of course it was a woman driver but the hydroplaning on wet sand was all Marine.
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Jul 23, 2014 20:17
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did you pull your spare green weenie out of your prolapsed hole and show the meaning of dead balls on?
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May 2, 2015 03:03
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Cole posted:Or how he had his thermostat right next to a window. Insulated Stairs. Also on the burnt vinyl siding dont forget it was special 60% lean beef or some dumb percentage like that.
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Dec 5, 2015 12:51
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Cojawfee posted:I'm pretty sure someone posted it in this thread somewhere. Google points to about here may require archives? I liked the part where it was easier to crash two helicopters and kill a bunch of Americans than to do the "poo poo got lost" paperwork.
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Dec 8, 2015 03:01
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Every day I get up and draw dicks on that wall...
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Jan 6, 2016 06:19
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They had a thing for shooting people long before Breaking Bad. Like the suicidal veteran they killed a few years ago. Ok you know what, gently caress finding it with google. "APD kills vet" gives me a dozen results, all different incidents. I hate this city. Edit: This one. http://www.koat.com/Veteran-Shot-By-Police-During-Suicide-Negotiation/6143944 city had to pay out for that one. There's video floating around somewhere where you hear the guy who fired wondering if he's the one who made the shot. Steezo fucked around with this message at 03:53 on Apr 3, 2016 |
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Apr 3, 2016 03:47
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Dont forget the part where they flashbang him then he gets shot when he doesn't comply with orders he probably can't hear. They later handcuff a corpse. http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=58e_1405616139 There are people in albuquerque that deserve to be shot but not that way. Anyway I knew a guy who hosed T-Rat mashed potatoe's once. Still miss the ham slice MRE as that could be folded in half for a field expedient pussy. Unless you overused the heater and burned your dick.
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Apr 3, 2016 04:24
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LingcodKilla posted:I though marines likes to fight wtf. When I was first in in 2000 we had people complaining about being born too late for Vietnammany of them then complained at being stop lossed at the start of OIF. So I'm pretty sure the guy in that pic is a loving pussy.
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May 1, 2016 07:14
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Victor Vermis posted:Convince him to go infantry or not at all. It's ok even infantry get sent to do detainee ops. If you want to keep this kid out of the MP's explain what babysitting a colostitute is like. You know, the guys with the ostomy holes who rent it out for favors from the other detainees. I think I had more fun in 2003 with soft vehicles and sandbags jackstrapped to the sides than anyone I know who did detainee ops. Or the poor bastards at the cob/fob gates who search all the TCN's on the way in and out.
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May 23, 2016 06:30
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Soulex posted:No keep going. It's poo poo like this that makes me realize why my left leg got infected twice after surgery, also partially because they forgot to prescribe me antibiotics. And how I've pulled sutures out months after operations because they missed one. That happened more than once. That sounds exactly like what happened to a friend of mine. Gets stabbed in leg, gets sewn up at local city hospital. Goes to VA for post treatment since that's cheaper, big hospital left a staple in his leg, infection and compartment syndrome happen, requiring more work... I guess the weird part is it isn't the VA that hosed up.
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Jun 28, 2016 09:40
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How much you want to bet those were just used to remotely slap people. Like how my old section chief used to remotely correct the recorder when his count was off, via long range turtlefuck.
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Jan 6, 2017 01:40
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maffew buildings posted:I'm on overnight firewatch at Camp Wilson on 29 Palms, tis I, I am the idiot That place ain't been the same since they cemented over the qonset hut floors so you can't roll over and piss on the sand and or boots when drunk.
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Mar 21, 2017 14:19
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Had another Marine transfer into my guard unit last weekend. Told him not to do it, I was him years ago. He didn't believe me. Am I the idiot for still being in or is he for not listening? it's both of us isn't it?
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May 9, 2017 23:01
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bulletsponge13 posted:Sounds like the Blue Oyster. Dancing, sir. Mostly dancing.
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Nov 5, 2017 12:55
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boop the snoot posted:We had to key in our social at the dfac. poo poo, now I need to change the combo to my luggage.
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Feb 10, 2018 01:44
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Gonna be gone for 30 days because I'm the idiot but an L please.
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Apr 13, 2018 03:55
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To piggyback off the sir here there's fuzes just for poo poo like steel rain missions. Fuzes that like going off early because trees or birds.
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Apr 17, 2018 17:23
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And I thought HQ battery shooting at our guys as they did route recon because the XO thought radio protocol was for faggots was goddamn retarded. Did 3/11 turn into a black hole of stupid when my crew left or did I just not notice because of the event horizon of suck? Steezo fucked around with this message at 02:43 on Apr 18, 2018 |
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Apr 18, 2018 02:40
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Vincent Van Goatse posted:What the gently caress. Not even the dumbest poo poo that battalion did. Off the top of my head, throwing ap mines off the road like frisbees, patrolling hammered, ND of a .50 into a mosque the day after someone NDs the Mk19 into their lawn... Good times
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Apr 18, 2018 03:06
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TapTheForwardAssist posted:Are you talking about OIF-I with 3/11? Yes I am. I was in the battery that got shot at. You might remember me as the reason the gunnys humvee was called twisted sister.(Wasn't allowed to use lights at night and found a mortar pit, which looked a lot like more sand with the old nods). HQ got one burst off the 240 before it jammed. Worst thing I had to do was stay on my position as a gunner when reac, then corpsman up was called. The XO responsible for that unannounced unplanned route recon was unable to admit fault, failure or that there was a lesson to be learned. So they sped him to the rear after finding out each gun crew was competing for the honor of killing him. Almost 15 years to the day and I'm still extremely pissed. Also I'm on the border now after a tweetstorm so I'm still an idiot.
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Apr 18, 2018 03:47
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TapTheForwardAssist posted:Small corps/long war! I was in the AP battery so I was on Okinawa when that happened. I remember giving him poo poo for being a boot when I made Cpl. That movie and the intense shame I felt are why, when I was in a particularly stupid mood and I re-enlisted it wasn't back to the Marines.
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Apr 18, 2018 04:07
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BigDave posted:This could literally be a episode of NCIS, holy poo poo. I've toyed with the idea of mashing a bunch of my buddies and my experienced together in an angrier MASH treatment. Don't know if I could get any takers or have more than a miniseries of material. The invasion era could be "The Suckmarillion" followed by oif 4-9 "The Fobbit" Steezo fucked around with this message at 19:03 on Apr 18, 2018 |
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Apr 18, 2018 19:00
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BigDave posted:I'd watch it. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia meets Generation Kill Need to work on my writing anyway. GK meets Always Sunny is a spot on description of an invasion era gun section. I'm gonna steal that. The section chief is Frank, powder monkey is Chralie
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Apr 18, 2018 21:16
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Your enemies dead in a pile before you is a p good bonus.
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Apr 19, 2018 04:32
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Cenen posted:Iraq was the land of hosed up hand off’s. Almost shot the army unit that replaced us because no one told us when they werer coming or thought of a handoff or left seat/right seat. To be fari to us they didn't stop when we told them and instead sped up. Oh and at somepoint someone gave us a heavily bowlderidzeed version of the private Lynch disaster that went "the enemy has some of our vehicles, dont be afraid to shoot em." I think inmate sixta was a symptom of a larger problematic issue.
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Apr 23, 2018 06:19
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LingcodKilla posted:I had to explain what doing the "helicopter" in regards to a sexual assault Captain's Mast was to her so I dont think she would appreciate this site. It could be a huge relief for them to see that there is just as much weaponized stupid elsewhere. And think of the stoeies man, I've only seen line unit poo poo, she's had to deal with "that guy" from every unit. You know the one. That guy who was skateboard diving off the 3rd story into the pile of dirt left by the construction crews building the new barracks. That guy so hated by his entire unit everyone just watched as he got his rear end beat in a parking lot because, and I quote, "Why didn't you help him?" - PMO. "He (guy giving beat down) didn't need any help beating (shitbags) rear end" - 3rd Award LCPL. Imagine a career full of those Monday morning briefs. To look at the event horizon of such a black hole of stupid and be able to pull away...
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May 1, 2018 15:38
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Bum the Sad posted:They couldn't spoiler tags gore in Iraq god damnit. Fascist. Last time I was there in 2009-2010 that drat message was all over the place. Just you know, moto messages on the board next to the cement IDF barrier, made up bullshit about Mr.Rogers and HAMBURGER HAND. I mean I've seen worse and done worse to people but still... For actual content, here's a picture, of a picture of my old driver/ammo team chief and the barrel of my howitzer.  Gonna be thinking about that hand for a while. How goddamn dumb do you have to be?
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May 7, 2018 22:16
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:hands across highway 23 My money is on they were never even loaded on the truck because someone hosed up, or changed a DODIC without telling anyone.
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May 13, 2018 04:47
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bulletsponge13 posted:Is there a statute of limitations on war crimes? Not crimes against humanity, or My Lai, but lesser poo poo. God I hope so. I mean uhh, no idea.
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May 25, 2018 14:25
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Thats ok sir, all you missed out on with the 38 hour flight back crew was guys drinking, driving, wrecking their car, killing their fiancee and making themselves retarded from head trauma.
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May 31, 2018 21:16
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Humbug Scoolbus posted:Are there stripper poles at Alpha Centauri? Yeah but if you want a real show you go on Thursdays when they dance with, and serve beer from, Klein bottles.
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Jun 20, 2018 20:43
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mods change my name posted:Love 2 tamper with the mail Isn't mail fraud automatic felony territory? Like the military justice system won't even get a chance to deep dick these fucksticks?
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Jul 10, 2018 20:23
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Mustang posted:Why would 2LTs be sent out looking for junior enlisted in town? And why would they put any effort into it if they were? Have you met many Marines? poo poo man, officers like my old PC would join the fight, assuming they weren't the ones instigating it. Putting them on shore patrol stops exactly as many young Marine officers as are on shore patrol from being on the next days blotter.
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Jul 11, 2018 21:01
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