du -hast posted:

I guess this is the place to ask: there's a giant cat thing in Russia, like the size of a golden retriever. It looks like basically a really big housecat. IIRC they are not domesticated tho. What is it called?

Jerry Cotton posted:

Delirium.

whiteyfats posted:

Getting off on some dude banging your ol' lady is such a weird fetish. I don't get it.

Somfin posted:

Humiliation kink plus porn addiction. Mix in low self esteem and blammo, it's more fun for you if someone "better" is doing the loving. I don't get it, but I can almost understand it.

Baller Time posted:

So it's just like watching cooking shows on TV?

Comrade Koba posted:

That, but you have to do their dishes afterwards.

whiteyfats posted:

Getting off on some dude banging your ol' lady is such a weird fetish. I don't get it.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Ask your father about it.

Aramoro posted:

How will he know which one that is?

Pope Corky the IX posted:

He'll yell "Daddy!" and pay attention to who looks most disappointed.

blarzgh posted:

The A/U/G thread: idolizing only the popular mental illnesses since 2015.

TontoCorazon posted:

I'm all about that depression.

Ularg posted:

I knew I had fans.

unpacked robinhood posted:

A gypsy pulled a gun to my face and threaten to kill me because I took a picture near his camp while the rest of them laughed around, gently caress them

Mange Mite posted:

This is a lie because gun control works and europe is a nonviolent utopia

Phlegmish posted:

We have to resort to bananas because we can't just shoot them like in the US.

Alaois posted:

*shoves cats head into a bucket of paint* I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU, MR. SCRUNCHES

unpacked robinhood posted:

As a fledgling world superpower Brazil unveiled their ambitious project to put zika on the moon.
They're struggling with the sewage-methane engine but as the minister of science said "there's no problem, we're on schedule and anyway I don't know anyone who had problems launching a rocket into space"
Also someone stole the flight computer from the chief scientist's scooter so they'll guide it with a repurposed Atari jaguar.

Freudian posted:

I deleted what I'd originally written in this post after I realised it was constructive criticism of a cartoon about a horse being turned on by Doonesbury. I'm leaving this message here instead as as a reminder to everyone else staring into the abyss.

Inzombiac posted:

My phone never breaks because I don't have one. I just shout whatever I'm thinking.
My IRL Twitter account (me) has a dozen followers (police).

OMG JC a Bomb! posted:

LAPD is on the scene and vows to shoot everyone they see until they get the right one.

Veshpo posted:

Every square inch of Japan has got to be haunted as poo poo by now

Mange Mite posted:

To be a ghost you need a soul first

WampaLord posted:

I love number 9 - attract cute insects! (Warning, dangerous, non-cute insects will also be attracted.)

You're way more likely to get regular flies than butterflies.

Improbable Lobster posted:

Bees and Wasps are pretty cool but I think you'd also attract a loooot of mosquitos

flosofl posted:

Why mosquitoes? Do the peels outgas CO2 as they rot?

Improbable Lobster posted:

Because I'm an idiot who never checked if the "bananas attract mosquitos" thing was a myth.

flosofl posted:

Well, mythical mosquitoes are the worst. I hear they get big enough to carry you off.

Minimalist Program posted:

GBS poster: I'm gay for bernie sanders, cuck, balls.

GBS poster with a middle aged lady's hand on their shoulder: ‘I came here to affirm a commitment to the something awful forums community and the social and semantic praxises that surround it and I am sexually attracted to moms, because they are beautiful and I respect their agency and personhood on an individual and societal level.’

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

Once you start thinking about the near infinite amount of ways you could be killed/maimed in random incidents you'll realise that you're potential in mortal danger every second of your life. Some airline mechanic in Cairo might have been having a bad day and forgotten to properly bolt together the engine frame on the 747 which is currently flying 20,000 feet above you. A renovator might have done a lovely DIY job removing the asbestos in that hotel you spent a night in 20 years ago. The factory which prepared the canned salmon in the sandwich you're about to eat might have left a bone in it which will get lodged in your throat and make you choke to death. The real estate agent may have lied about that Indian burial ground underneath your house.

enziarro posted:

The Villages is the sprawling olds-only mecca of central FL. I've seen some real poo poo on some commercial service calls up there, I can't imagine what some of those piece of poo poo houses were put together like.

And yeah, 25MPH is speed racing and golf carts are street legal, geezers get plates and everything. You even see snowbirds with out of state tags on their golf carts.

Trent posted:

My folks thought it seemed like a good place to retire and bought a home there. Sold it less than a year later because the place is full off assholes. Glen Beck and Sarah Palin spoke there multiple times during their stint. The houses are pretty well built, though, My dad is a stickler for that sort of thing.

Whole place is full of sinkholes, though. Houses disappearing and poo poo, and they try to cover it up.

neogeo0823 posted:

Florida apparently has retirement communities that are full of sinkholes as well. It's like the planet is correcting the worse human offenses without letting us resort to outright murder.

Saint Isaias Boner posted:

the other forums smell a carcass. byob goes for the eyes while games is holding out for the juicy marrow. qcs gets whatever leaks out the rear end in a top hat

Echeveria posted:

My ultrasound came back with all the structures still intact. They said I probably tweaked a ligament but good, or pissed off a nerve, and it still hurts. They said it could take up to 6 weeks to settle back down. I hope you all learned a lesson about how dangerous pillsbury rolls are.

Dick Burglar posted:

Malpenix Blonia posted:

This is up to code, right?



Seen on a coffee plantation in the middle of nowhere, Cambodia.

Parallel Paraplegic posted:

So uh, why does this tree need electricity?

SynthOrange posted:

Its a power plant.

GreenNight posted:

Not mine but oh god:

Anorexic Sea Turtle posted:

E: gently caress words

sleepy gary posted:

Perhaps it's not the best choice of material for bathroom stall partitions.

TooMuchAbstraction posted:

Quiet, you're disturbing the architect's Vision™.

Frogmanv2 posted:

Of people pooping.

TooMuchAbstraction posted:

I never said they weren't a lovely architect

Nuebot posted:

The books would have been a lot better if harry's dad had a gun.

Ahundredbux posted:

he could've shot his son

Kay Kessler posted:

Goddamn, are those real spoilers? Voldemort Day, the Blood Ball, loving Craig? That's worse than the Star Wars EU.

FCKGW posted:

op your roomate wants a glory hole but is too shy to ask

Blind Rasputin posted:

My roommate in college did this with our rented floor of this college house. He built a secret room in his bedroom that housed sodium lamps and he grew weed. It always worried me because I was a good student and didn't do drugs. But he failed to realize the implications of a small window he left as part of his walled off weed growing room (he would leave it open for ventilation and we were on a ground floor) and one day a raccoon or something got in there and ate all of his plants.

So after a few days of despair on his part, I came home one day and there was literally giant rodent sized mousetraps all around our house and he had bought new plants.

Cobweb Heart posted:

Peppers are the ultimate natural medicine.



I hope one day to be a extreme pepper head world Legend.

Snapchat A Titty posted:

wow ive never seen a twitter screenshot from an atari 800

Varkk posted:

That is the thing isn't it? Just today I took my three year old to a river and stood there with him as he splashed on the edge in his gumboots, threw stones and sticks in to the water to make a splash and all the things a pre-schooler does on a Sunday afternoon at the river with his family. At one point I realised just how similar it was for that family in Orlando and I was thankful to live in a country without crocodiles etc.

Chichevache posted:

Tell us what country you're in and we can tell you what dangerous animals are lurking out there that can kill your kid.

willus posted:

whats your address ill post you a crocodile

GoldStandardConure posted:

this but cassowaries

*conquers new zealand*

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

This would be a good idea but for the fact that kea exist

Mirthless posted:

You'd have that armor on the cassowary for about five minutes before the Kea ate all the leather straps and it just fell off around you

leave the cassowary parked for five minutes and you come out and it's up on blocks and graffiti'd

Keas are the 1970s new york / chicago street gangs of New Zealand

learnincurve posted:

Those bastards are the reason my cousin (she married a kiwi, we don't like to talk about it) has 8 pyrenean mountain x Australian shepherd dogs on her goat farm. They are like foxes but airborne and you are not allowed to kill them even if they are attempting to break into a kid's scull.

Jonny 290 posted:

caro easily claims the hide n seek Goon Olympics gold

Krowley posted:

Pet subforum mod killed some birds by keeping a radiator too close to the cage

hemophilia posted:

Imagine four tiny heads on the edge of a cliff. One head falls off the cliff and dies from flesh eating bacteria. Rio works the same way.

Chomp8645 posted:

In most things in life there is an inverse relationship between how seriously people take it and how hella gay is. People take the Olympics super seriously so the natural result is that it's hella loving gay.

plushpuffin posted:

That's the opposite of an inverse relationship.

unpacked robinhood posted:

I thought an inverse relationship was sucking ones own dick for example

Serious Frolicking posted:

that is a fulfilling relationship

Serious Frolicking posted:

that is a fulfilling relationship

blarzgh posted:

My cousin dated a girl that would sleepwalk when she got super drunk, and one time she got up to get water, did the Ace Ventura



head on the edge of the bed, and then pissed all over the floor.

Zo posted:

I woke up last Wednesday and really didn't want to go to work. So i called my boss and gaslighted him into thinking i was sick by telling him that i felt sick. I'm not a big fan of gaslighting but the occasional white gaslight doesn't hurt anyone.

Phyzzle posted:

Gaslighting has become a synonym for lying, but it originally referred to a short story about a man who tuned down the lights in his house slightly every day without telling his wife. The closest real life example I know of was my father, who would quietly take a bunch of my mom's clothes to a tailor maybe once a month to have them hemmed in half an inch.

Rondette posted:

Are these your parents



And also

Wouldn't the clothes end up super small?

LoG posted:

Half an inch is pretty small. just look between your legs for reference

Vargatron posted:

I want to make a /r/relationships magic 8 ball. You'll get responses like:

"Try an open relationship"
"See things from their perspective"
"Be a better listener"
"Allow them to engage in self destructive behavior"
"gently caress them in front of their doll collection"

handshake posted:

A bird turd landed on my shoulder between classes once.

Knyteguy posted:

Same but on my head and on recess. Our school got a notice from the city dumb that the garbage around was stealing all the seagulls from the dump.

Antivehicular posted:

I like the implication that the dump is upset about this / wants its seagulls back

Three-Phase posted:

I had a relative who showed up to church with suit jacket, dress shoes, shirt and tie, and their side shields still on.

Shady Amish Terror posted:

Look, man, those revivals can get pretty wild. Safety first.

The Lone Badger posted:

Were trousers included as well?

GotLag posted:

Eye protection sounds like a sensible choice when seeing the glory of the coming of the lord.

Furnok Dorn posted:

gosh its a delight to come in here and see Behemoth Dipshits doing a Turd argument about idiot garbage instead of posting a funny quote

KomodoWagon posted:

This loving bullshit is the worst. I went to see Neil Young in Amsterdam a couple months back, they had the same sort of system for beverages. You had to pay for "tokens" and could only buy them in fixed amounts, so unless you were getting like six beers you'd end up with leftover tokens aka wasted money. It's like a cam site except on those you can at least tip your remaining tokens and they might flash you a titty. I tried throwing mine up at the stage but Neil must have not noticed because his shirt stayed on and there was practically no fingering throughout the show.

Pleads posted:

I heard Ryan Lochte was involved in snuff tourism that night and needed an excuse to lose a few hundred in cash. Pass it on.

Kurtofan posted:

what the hell is snuff tourism.

Vasily Tokarev posted:

Paying for the thrill of killing a poor local.

tater_salad posted:

oh so he paid to join the police for a day?

Chinaman7000 posted:

most of the new drinks at gas stations are loving awful these days. I keep trying trendy cool looking drinks and they taste like piss, which I'm usually into

Absurd Alhazred posted:

I liked 50FA stories.

dookifex_maximus posted:

probably tending toward roman & greek morphology

I have greek feet for instance but my lineage is danish/saxon

A ILL BREAKFAST posted:

those are just names, they aren't indicative of region

dookifex_maximus posted:

oh thank god i thought i had to vote communist and fight in a phalanx

Ryoshi posted:

I BOUGHT A BAD TV ONCE THIS MEANS WAL MART IS BAD

I AM DUMB ENOUGH THAT I BOUGHT A BAD TV AGAIN, LIKE A MORON, AND IT WAS SLIGHTLY BETTER DUE TO THE INEXORABLE MARCH OF TECHNOLOGY, THIS MEANS COST CO IS GOOD AND I AM SMART

Jose posted:

must be cool experiencing a natural disaster like a hurricane or earthquake. i live in england where none of these things happen

Chichevache posted:

All your disasters have term limits.

Improbable Lobster posted: