/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Defiance Industries posted:

If my mom threw a party for something important to her, I'd probably come. It's just that the idea of someone throwing a party for their anniversary and inviting someone who is not their spouse is so utterly foreign to me as a concept. Anniversaries are something just for the two of you, it's like asking your brother if he wants to come to a party for the first time you and you wife banged.

I went to my grandparent�s 50th. I can�t imagine going to another unless it was their 75th and they didn�t make it.

# ¿ Aug 23, 2018 08:20

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 16:37

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

LadyPictureShow posted:

My (19m) boyfriend (19m) loathes sexual attention from me but has a near addiction to spilling various liquids onto himself.

Closeted straight guy hoping his boyfriend is into water sports?

# ¿ Aug 23, 2018 08:21

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

quote:

My (22/F) roommate (22/F) is a sociopath drug dealer and I'm not sure how to escape.

My roommate's behavior over the last few months has caused me a great deal of stress. She deals MDMA and coke, and regularly invites her clients (needless to say, not people I feel very safe around) in to our apartment, where they have used my shower (not hers), eaten my food and drank my wine while I was out of the house. She is often not even there at the same time as her clients, giving them the keys to the apartment so they can let themselves in.

Recently she was assaulted and robbed due to owing money to some bad people, and subsequently stayed at her parents' house for a few days, on account of the fact that her attackers knew where she lived, of which she failed to inform me. I believe this is putting my personal safety at risk, and no longer feel safe within my own home

She is incredibly manipulative and passive-aggressive, having sent an email to my sister complaining about my behavior, as my boyfriend had been staying for a couple of days. The message she sent was full of complete fabrications, which, thankfully, my sister saw through and ignored.

She has completely cut herself off from contact with me, facebook, email, has blocked my number, the works, and she deliberately avoids being home when she knows I'm going to be there, which has made communication of these issues practically impossible.

I'm worried that any threat to go to the police could be met with violence, or that she might plant some of her product in my room to attempt to incriminate me. I've looked into simply canceling my contract but I don't wish to do this due to the effect it will have on my credit. I've really reached the end of my tether here, and I'm at a complete loss for what to do. Any advice?

tl;dr: My sociopathic drug dealer roommate is becoming too much to bear, and I'm genuinely beginning to fear for my safety around her "clients". Not sure how to escape.

I might be stabbed to death or assaulted or arrested for possession. I would move out but I am worried it might negatively impact my credit score. Wut do?

# ¿ Aug 23, 2018 19:05

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

I want to believe this relationship started due to him carrying a printer over to her place.

quote:

Girlfriend[20/F] started a huge fight because I didn't ask why she didn't reply to my[24/M] text. I ended up getting dumped because of it. Really confused....

My girlfriend of 2 months started a huge fight yesterday. So basically I texted her a sweet godmorning text in the morning and she got really happy about it. Afterwards she asked what I was doing etc. and I replied but she didn't answer my text. She had said the day before that her friend was going to sleep over at her. And I thought she was spending time with her so I didn't bother if she didn't answer me for 4 hours. I wanted to give her space. After 4 hours she texts me all angry about why I do not care about her and why I didn't ask why she didn't reply, I said I thought you were with your friend and I saw on Facebook Messenger that you were active so I assumed nothing happened to you. She was furious and said she was testing me to see if I cared about her and I said that's not a nice thing to do. I said if you saw my message you should have replied. She got furious and started attacking me for being a bad boyfriend. She said she wanted a man not a boy. And I said I do care about you it was just because I thought you were with your friend and I wanted you to have your space. That's why I didn't ask if something had happened.

Long story short I ended up apologizing for not asking if something had happened to her during the hours she didn't reply. She still said that I was coming up with excuses and she didn't want me to be sorry. She said she didn't want to teach me how to behave like a man. I ended up apologizing and said I would ask more frequently how she is during the day just to check if she is alright. She said I need to call her when she doesn't answer for a while because she might be dead or she might be cheating on me. So finally after a 30 min intense phone call she says she is not angry any longer but wants time for herself and I said I respect that. So we ended the phone call. About 30 min after we hung up I heard my phone vibrating during the night and I woke up because of it. I saw texts from her saying she is breaking up with me because she feels like we are not compatible with eachother. I was like seriously? Before this argument we had such a good time together and just yesterday she said that she was so happy with me because I understood her and I was giving her so much affection and she loved it. I am just confused. I didn't end up pursuing her more because that's just my personality if someone doesn't want to be with me I won't force them because it requires that two people want to be in a relatipnship to make it work.

She was furious and said she didn't want this any longer and that I was like a girl. She started attacking me personally and said that she doesn't like relationships and said you have to come to my parents and ask them if I can propuse to their daughter. She wants an engagement already after two months. I said never I need to know someone for at least 1 to 2 years before I even think about engagement. She said I should leave her alone and should stay far away from her.

She is 20 and has already divorced once and I want to know her very well before I even think about marriage. I feel like she is forcing me to marry her fast I really feel uncomfortable.

I am really confused. Yesterday I was the best guy ever and the most loving man. Today I am a bad guy because she didn't reply to my text and I gave her space to be with her friend. Guess what? I ended up getting dumped.
I do not know what to do. Have someone ever been with a partner like this before? I don't feel like I have done something wrong. Should I fight for her or just leave her?

Tl;dr Girlfriend dumped me because I didn't ask her why she didn't reply to my text for a couple of hours. She by purpose did not reply to my text just to see if I cared about her. I wanted to give her space because she was with her friend. Not a good excuse according to her. Apologized and promised to more frequently ask about her but still ended up getting dumped.

Problem solved, right? Let us see what the poster has been posting since. Here are the threads he started from most recent back to original post:

When they split you black. (Split Black is the time when a BPD views everything negatively)

Do you think a pwBPD would care about their ex or current partner if they died when they are split black?

Haha great video by this guy. He is spot on. (Video about abused men)

So accurate picture of how a BPD relationship evolves.

I couldn't stop crying today...

Went NC 3 weeks ago feeling depressed and need clarity.

BPD ex became a new person after break up. New identity and values. Anybody been through something similar?

My list of how to spot a woman diagnosed with BPD during the honey moon phase.

My list of how to spot borderline women during the honey moon phase.

What do borderlines look for in a partner? Do they just pick anyone to fill their emptiness or do they look for some qualities ?

How do borderlines chose their partner? Do they just take anyone to fill their emptiness?

How does a BPD feel when they dump you and you go no contact and you don�t chase her ?

How does a BPD feel when they break up and you don�t chase and go no contact ?

Crazy ex girlfriend[20/F] contacts me[24/M] today and texts me that she felt weak during our relationship because I was not a man enough to propose to her after 2 months.

But it is 168 days since last post so maybe he is better now?

# ¿ Aug 23, 2018 20:02

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

I have a boyfriend?!

He is outside with a printer right now.

# ¿ Aug 23, 2018 20:36

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

One would think eating less would free up time but here we are.

# ¿ Aug 23, 2018 21:50

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Milotic posted:

Wow, this woman is even saltier than I am during a game of 40K

After my wedding, my sister [40] made some upsetting comments and I'm struggling with how to respond and move on.

She could not wait more than a day to disrespect your wife. Just fade her out. Don�t go no contact, just always be busy.

It is amazing to me that the people who are the biggest failures in life always think they are full of sage advice for everyone that should be heeded at all times.

# ¿ Aug 24, 2018 15:50

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

quote:

My [24F] future mother in law [50F] wants to postpone mine and my fiance's wedding by up to 12 years because his father is going to prison.

Original: So my future father in law has just had two MORE class X felonies to his record and is looking at 10-12 years in prison.

My fianc� and I have a 6 month old daughter, and have been planning a wedding that was supposed to be in September of this year.

My future mother in law is trying to convince my fianc� to force me into postponing the wedding and even went as far as saying that we can't have any more children until her husband is out of prison so that he doesn't miss anything.

I feel sick thinking about waiting 10-12 more years to marry someone that I've been with for 7 years already. I DEFINITELY don't want to post pone having more children just so that he doesn't miss it. Am I insane? I mean, my daughter could be 12 by the time she sees him again, and I'm not waiting 12 more years to grow our family.

We already have a venue, my dress, invitations have been sent, I have family flying into town.

I may be selfish here, but I just don't feel as though we should be punished just because his father decided that being a criminal was more important than watching his first grand daughter grow up, and watching his only son get married. I just feel as though he should have been thinking of his family. My fianc� has a sister that will turning 10, and she could be 22 by the time he's out. Should she not graduate or go to college or get her license so that her dad doesn't miss it while he's serving time for his 6th felony?

I just don't know how I'm supposed to tell my future mother in law, "absoultely not. I will not wait 12 years to do what we've been planning for years, and to give my daughter a sibling someday."

TLDR: My future father in law landed himself in prison for up to 12 years. His wife wants me to cancel my wedding until he gets out of prison. Quite frankly, I don't think it's fair.

UPDATE:

I spoke to my fianc� about this, and he had no idea that his mother was planning on this.

I basically stated it as a "you're not really planning on agreeing to this are you?!"

And I got a "HELL NO." in return. He basically said he doesn't even plan on visiting his father and said he needs to deal with the consequences of being an idiot.

He's going to plan on telling his mother to gently caress off.

The end.

Thought we could use a happy ending.

Xenocides fucked around with this message at 16:19 on Aug 24, 2018

# ¿ Aug 24, 2018 16:15

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

We need content stat before we drown in a vegetable bloodbath.

We need a new bad person to unite us before vegetarianism divides us.

Found a post about a girl who found out her guy was watching abuse porn and liked rough sex but he was very careful but she was a little weirded out. The comments talked her down about the difference between fantasy and reality. One commenter by the name Stupidshitasalways decided to share this for some reason:

quote:

I am 30/F and I really enjoy severe torture and abuse. Not porn (I don't like porn but do watch hentai that involves abuse/torture/rape) but reading about true stories of it and watching documentaries on it. It turns me on because I just like the idea of having power over someone like that and them being scared of me. I like the idea in the movie "Hostel" of buying someone and brutally torturing and killing them. I've been turned on by this since I was a teen. I would get aroused watching documentaries detailing what sadistic serial killers did to their victims. I think it's just the whole having control and power over someone and knowing they fear you is what turns me on about it. Not much else does it for me.

Xenocides fucked around with this message at 20:38 on Aug 24, 2018

# ¿ Aug 24, 2018 20:35

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Ligament posted:

I heard stories of one friend of mine: when she was a kid she wouldn't eat her vegetables. eventually her parents gave her the ultimatum "You are sitting here at the table until bed unless you finish your plate and eat your vegetables" and she'd sit there until bed. every time. the parents gave up bc gently caress that. some kids just have this totally insane determination that I wish I had a fraction of today.

One time when I was on a family vacation as a kid my mom told me I could not leave the table until I ate my zucchini. She got frustrated and left me there. My grandmother came over and told me an amazingly funny story about me sitting there all night and all kinds of crazy things happening while I sat there that ended with me eating the zucchini for breakfast. Then she told me I could have ice cream with my cousins if I ate the zucchini. I ate the zucchini.

# ¿ Aug 24, 2018 20:45

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

jim kirk would hate yoda. like a guy who has tons of friends he has shown over and over again that he would gladly sacrifice himself for would not tolerate yoda�s hideous and toxicly masculine doctrine of self-interest and preservation of the status quo at all costs. Jim, ( and Spock too) explicitly talk about the value of �this simple feeling�: love, in the political sphere, and as a foundation of morality and worldview. Jim basically does in the search for spock what Luke does in Empire: go on a life-threatening fool�s errand to rescue a friend. a correct course of action explicitly disapproved of by Yoda. Jim Kirk is shown throughout TOS reforming episode villans and teaching them compassion, again, something that Yoda literally told Luke not to do. Jim Kirk and Luke Skywalker have the same ethics and worldview : that loyalty to one�s friends is important, that love and compassion are forces for good, and that apathy and indifference are never good solutions to problems ( Jim Kirk literally had a movie in which his story arc was about learning not to be indifferent to the misfortunes of others!) Yoda worldview is the exact opposite : loyalty is irrelevant, love and compassion are evil, and indifference and apathy are the solution to every problem and the foundation of wisdom. this is a point of view that Luke is shown to reject on screen multiple times and is the culmination of his character arc in the three original movies.

Have they considered opening their relationships?

# ¿ Aug 24, 2018 21:09

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

luxury handset posted:

this is exactly how a bunch of upper middle class wasps would deal with the implosion of a upcoming wedding after it is mostly settled

if it's fake it is spot on

I misread this at first and pictured a bunch of well to do wasps hanging out around their nest working out relationship problems.

# ¿ Aug 24, 2018 21:47

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

wasps never have these problems.

I would watch a show about wasp courtship issues.

Admiral Ray posted:

Ducks do, though.

And the forbidden love one of them has for a duck.

She has a beak, he has a stinger, can love bridge the divide?

No

Xenocides fucked around with this message at 21:59 on Aug 24, 2018

# ¿ Aug 24, 2018 21:54

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Usually we go until morning? Do they have sex maybe twice a year or only save it for the weekends?

# ¿ Aug 25, 2018 00:34

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

dudeness posted:

Only 39% of Americans have enough savings to cover a $1500 (wedding) emergency.

1% of that subgroup would attend a wedding like this.

# ¿ Aug 26, 2018 01:22

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

YeahTubaMike posted:

in my 31 years of life, my choices appear to be "have standards & never ever get laid again" or "don't have standards". thank loving christ i don't want any kids

Yeah often it seems the choice is to either die alone and unloved or live with someone you hate and die unloved but not alone.

# ¿ Aug 26, 2018 03:21

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

SniperWoreConverse posted:

Nylon rope, or at least the cheap kind, does not make a good sex rope I just wanted to point this out. Stay safe and don't get hurt

True, if you make it at all tight it quickly cuts off circulation and is irritable. Use the softer ropes to kidnap people. Namaste.

# ¿ Aug 27, 2018 00:43

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Your normal garden variety wedding drama over the dress code:

quote:

Me [35/f], fiance [36/m] and his desire for a "wacky wedding". We argue over the wedding itself, yet are compatible over everything else. How to resolve?

Me and my fiance have been together for just over 5 years now, engaged for the past 2 years.

We're now at the stage of planning our wedding, and we've started to have major disagreements over the wedding. He wants a themed wedding, one where all the guests come in in nothingbut their undies, he said it'd be a good, fun one, I want a nice traditional wedding, you may now kiss the bride, all that thing. He said "Hell, it'll cost me hundreds of quid, but is worth it. Besides, I had to be in my undies for a stag night a few years ago, good clean fun,"

However, neither of us can agree. His PoV isthat it's pretty good to have a fun wedding, he said he's never been married before, you only live once, I want a memorable wedding, but not for those reasons.

Also, I have friends who are Muslims, and I don't think they'd want to come, if they knew about his plan for the wedding, they're not extremeley reiligious but they're my friend's parents/relatives, mty close friend Sam is invited, known her since i was about 14.

However, we cant seem to compromise. He's insistent, states "We HAVE to wed in our underwear, get the local press, the Mirror, any rag you can, it gets me publicity, my DJ'ing business gets publicity, you get publicity, it's win win for all of us."

It wouldn't be good for me, I work in a highprofile job in my city, dealing with vulnerable adults, and at management level too, would I be fired over my wedding?

I want us both to have a good wedding.

We're compatiblle on every other thing in everyr othjer way, sure, we don't have rthe exact same opinion but we have similar values and goals.

Neither of us can agree on anything and this has caused rows between us.

The problem is basically; I don't really want a huge wedding but he refuses to see my pointofiview.

He's not controlling like this in any other area, it's like he's groomzilla, if you can even call it that.

Our relationship is generally good on the whole, and I do love him, it's just this singleissue thing with the wedding thats bugging me.

Need some help on what to do here.

tl;dr: Fiance wants wacky wedding, I don't.

# ¿ Aug 27, 2018 05:07

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Blade Runner posted:

You're being willfully obtuse or have never had an actual relationship if you don't think that one partner being the one who always initiates sex and the other partner being so uninterested in sex in general that they legitimately think they might be asexual is not an issue

This. Part of most healthy relationships is being sexually desired by your partner not having that is frustrating and damaging.

# ¿ Aug 27, 2018 15:19

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

*nods* That�s why I�m asexual, Burger King

To quote my youngest sister when we pulled into a Burger King parking lot: �Burger King!? What are we? Animals?!�

# ¿ Aug 27, 2018 17:04

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

chitoryu12 posted:

Both of them have very boring sex music taste.

Agreed. Weird Al Yankovic or GTFO!

# ¿ Aug 27, 2018 17:29

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Another asexual story.

quote:

My (19F) boyfriend (20M) threatened to break up when I asked him to stop making sexual remarks.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months. We have completely different libidos. He has very high sex drive, I don�t really like touching other people at all. This has resulted in numerous cases of us having sex or laying together when I was quite uncomfortable. We�ve had many, many a discussion as well as argument about how we need to meet in the middle. He says he�ll cut down on asking, will for a few days, then go back to asking every day. I feel as if I can�t say no, because when I do his entire mood changes. He gets sad/irritable, doesn�t talk, and doesn�t really want to be around me anymore. The only time he really compliments me is when I�m naked. He�ll call me cute occasionally, but unless I�m naked the only compliments I get are on my butt or boobs. I sleep in only undies and a t-shirt, so today I woke up, walked past him on the couch to the bathroom then put on some shorts. When I came back to sit with him on the couch, he said �well that�s no fun, why�d you have to put on pants?� �I didn�t really want you to try and have sex with me 10 minutes before you go to work.� He got quite upset, saying �well that�s just another loving thing I have to tiptoe around you with� and talking about how �you ask a million loving things from me, let me just change every thing about my being for you.� I have never asked anything random or bizarre from him. I�ve asked him to clean up after himself, turn off lights/tv, close/lock doors. Yenno, normal things I shouldn�t even have to ask from someone. Aside from the asking him to stop asking for sex every day, and compliment me on something other than my assets, I�ve never really asked anything else of him. I explained this and he still went about how exhausting it is that I ask so much of him. I said, in tears at this point, �if you can�t do one thing I ask of you that makes me uncomfortable then why don�t you just leave?� and he screams �Ve been loving thinking about it� slams the door and leaves. I�ve already packed his stuff, and I�m pretty sure we won�t be together any longer after we�re both off work tonight. He texted me before he went in, saying he doesn�t feel valued, he wishes I complimented him more, and that he doesn�t want to break up.

I�m not too sure what I�m asking from this, maybe just wondering if I am in the right to feel disrespected? Is this a valid reason to break up with someone that you love?

**TL;DR: boyfriend said he�s been thinking about breaking up with me after I asked him to stop making sexual remarks towards me nonstop. Should we break up over this?

Let us compromise and meet in the middle so we can both be unhappy. :dance:

# ¿ Aug 27, 2018 17:43

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Ahhhh....young idiots.

quote:

[22/f] my boyfriend asked an amateur porn poster for nudes but he thought I�d be okay with it

So: I am bisexual and we regularly watch porn together and talk about hot women. Recently we had a conversation about nudes. I said I thought nudity isn�t a big deal and that nudes can be artistic and beautiful and there�s nothing wrong with being a nude model/fetish model/undies model while in a relationship. Should add he is a bit socially awkward, as am I.

He disagreed and said he wouldn�t be okay with me doing that because he�d feel like I was sharing part of myself with someone else. I say �it�s just a picture�. I�m talking hypotheticals here, I�m not a nude model.

Anyway today he comes to me upset. Says he wanted to try to be open about nudity and so when browsing a porn forum, he saw a girl he thought we�d both like. He asked her for nudes. He immediately felt awful, blocked her and told me about it. He said he wanted to be more open like I am but just can�t be.

And...I hit the roof. Said it�s made me feel insecure and worthless and like I�m not good enough. He was mortified and said he feels like poo poo and regrets it, he just wanted me to not think he was conservative about nudes.

Looking back...I�m in the wrong, aren�t I? I gave him the impression this was okay...

We�ve since talked and I�ve told him that a) he doesn�t have to do things he�s uncomfortable with to impress me/because I like them and b) that it�s not okay for either of us to do that.

Any advice? I really feel like poo poo.

TL;DR I said nudity wasn�t a big deal, he disagreed but tried to be more �open� by asking a porn poster for nudes for both of us and we both feel bad

And my favorite comment:

quote:

So eager

Just don't tell him how you support legalization of hard drugs or he might try to impress you by picking up a heroin habit.

# ¿ Aug 28, 2018 18:36

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Hi main concern in the middle of a divorce precipitated by his wife trying to cheat on him is his personal reputation? Kudos for coolness in the midst of adversity I guess.

# ¿ Aug 28, 2018 20:41

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Rubellavator posted:

Woman who sits in the next row over at work who doesn't seem like the twitter/reddit type is talking about the $1500 wedding gift lady. It's going viral!

I saw it on a grognard forum full of olds. They are all humble bragging about how little they spent on their weddings.

# ¿ Aug 28, 2018 20:43

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Subjunctive posted:

Yeah, I saw it in BFC too.

# ¿ Aug 28, 2018 21:07

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Haifisch posted:

On a lighter note:

Me [M19] and my girlfriend [F21] got into a fight over eggs.

I used to think the old Homestarrunner cartoon where Strong Bad forms a new nation to escape those mocking him for putting ketchup on eggs was hyperbole. Guess not.

# ¿ Aug 29, 2018 01:18

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

dudeness posted:

This is just God testing your devotion to becoming a nun.

God is also kinda bad at his job

Many are the nuns who were seduced from the path by a guy friend humping a body pillow with their picture taped to it.

# ¿ Aug 29, 2018 06:44

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Have some palette cleansing hate:

My MIL (f/50s) tried to give away by spare bed - a family war has broken out!

*EDIT: My MIL is 50 female and I am a 26 female. We've known each other since I've been 19.

quote:

I've posted this in /justnomil, but someone suggested I post here as I need some advice.

My MIL is a handful. There were times in the early days of my relationship that that her behaviour put my husband and I�s relationship on the line. That was before I realised she wasn�t going to change, but I could change to how I reacted to her. There are still times I feel I can no longer handle constant involvement, influence and judgement. I'm slowly learning that I�m entitled to stand my ground and not bow down to her unreasonable behaviour. I�m a very mild mannered person by nature who grew up as an only child, so standing up for myself -without feeling guilty for displeasing someone- is something I�m still learning.

Anyway, here�s a short story of what happened to me on Friday. It�s my far not the worst thing she�s done but it was the first time, in six years of putting up with her poo poo, I�ve properly stood up for myself.

I have a spare bedroom in my home. In this spare bedroom there is, like in most spare bedrooms, a bed. It�s an inherited antique oak bed (yeah, I get great inherited items!) which is probably worth quite a lot of money. My husband and I are just starting out in life with proper jobs and I was keeping it out of harm's way in the spare room for the day my husband and I buy our first house (hopefully next year). On Friday I got a call at work from my MIL. Our conversation went almost exactly like this:

MIL: �Oh Hello Elaine. Listen. My nephew is moving into a new house and doesn�t have a bed yet. So I was thinking, instead of him going out to buy one, why don�t you just give him your spare one? I�ve told him it�s a fantastic oak bed and that�s just what he wants.�

Me: �Well, it�s not really a spare bed, it�s the main feature in one of the few rooms in my home. It�s also inherited and I don�t want to give something that was gifted to me away to someone else.�

MIL: �I don�t understand, you never use it. And it�s not someone else, it�s FAMILY. It would be nice to help family out. That�s what family does�

Me: �Is he very poor? Could you not help him look up goodwill or Craigslist for a cheap bed?�

MIL: �No, he isn�t that poor. I just don�t understand if you don�t use something why you wouldn�t want to help family out. If you were moving into a new home and needed something, the family would get together to help you out. Where is your kindness?�

Me: �That bed isn�t a spare, it will get used eventually. It�s only in the spare room because I don�t want it getting nicks and scratched up in our tiny main room before we move in. If he needs something else, I can see what I can give, but my oak bed isn�t an option�

MIL: �sigh I can�t believe you are being so unkind and can�t give to FAMILY. I�ve already told him you�ll give him a bed, so what am I supposed to do now?�

At this point, for the first time in my life, I stood up for myself. Me: �Well, I can give to family. I can give you my power drill and you�ll have your own bed dismantled and assembled in his new house in no time. I�ll drop it off after work�

And I put the phone down. My MIL phoned my husband hysterically crying saying I was SO mean to her she can�t even go to work. My FIL is phoning asking what happened, why is his wife so upset. My husband is miffed with me that I was rude to his mom and that i�ve broke out world war three between us all. My MIL has manipulated FIL and husband into thinking I'm the unkind baddy and she was "just trying to help family out" and "one day nephew would likely help us out". How do I proceed? I think I have a point by saying she can't just give away my belongings without asking. Especially expensive to replace belongings. However, she is so stubborn she just sees me being unkind. How do I phrase in the nicest possible way that what she's done is completely unacceptable.

TL;DR; MIL promised her nephew my "spare" bed and I'm getting made out to be the baddy.

# ¿ Aug 29, 2018 07:15

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

gently caress Your Website posted:

They both are

Don�t jump to conclusions. It is possible it applies to the entire family.

# ¿ Aug 29, 2018 17:21

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Me [30F] with my mom [62F] buying me gifts that I can't use, don't need, and don't want...

quote:

I probably sound super ungrateful, but I'm at the point in my life where the holidays aren't about presents. I feel like the most important thing is to get together with your family for the day, have a nice meal, and MAYBE exchange one or two thoughtful gifts if that's your tradition. However, every year for birthdays and Christmas my mom continues to buy me and my siblings hundreds of dollars worth of things we can't use or don't want.

I would say it's very generous, but she obviously hasn't even taken what we could actually use into account. For instance, she asked both me and my sister if we would like a fake fireplace and we both told her no. I let her know that we already have a fireplace in my house (as does my sister) and we don't even use the one we have. As a matter of fact, the back of our couch is positioned against it. Guess what we both got for Christmas. I googled it and it seems she spent at least $200 each on these and neither one of us wants it! She also continues to buy us literally bags of clothes that aren't in our style or size. She gets a lot of these off the clearance rack, so at least she's saving money there, but in the end it's still a waste of her money when we can't use it, and most stores she shops at won't accept returns for clearance items, or the stores will offer a fraction of what I know she paid because the items have gone on sale since she bought them.

It's like she's flushing her money down the toilet and then she tries to hold it over our heads by making passive aggressive comments about how much she spent and how next year she won't do it again if we don't *insert thing she wants from us here*... but then next year rolls around and she still does. I don't have room for all of this junk in my house! And taking the time donate it or find people I know who actually can use it is exhausting and discouraging, not to mention how dumbfounded I feel that she would make herself go broke charging all these things to credit that we're going to have to return or give away. She bought me a phone case and 2 different kinds of screen protectors for a phone I don't even have anymore even though I told her that I got a new one. I looked into returning them and it would cost me almost as much shipping as they cost her to purchase. I've tried talking to her, asking her not to buy me clothes. I've given her a small list of things that I actually would enjoy getting and she'll end up buying those things (but still get them slightly off like the phone case) in ADDITION to a ton of other stuff that I don't need or want. This Christmas I said I could use new shoes, some work pants that AREN'T drawstring (I have trouble keeping the string tied for some reason, so they always slip down my hips, exposing my undies), a phone case for my phone, or a selfie stick. These are all things that I can use, need, and should cost less than $100 total. She got all of these things even though I had intended the list to just give her a few options, but she also managed to get a case for the wrong phone, bought only pants WITH drawstring, and still bought me tons of ugly shirts that are several sizes too big and fit me like a tent in addition to the fake fireplace. I feel like she gets pleasure from giving away massive amounts of gifts even though they're all useless and cost her too much money.

What can I do? Should I just thank her and then discretely get rid of the things later, or should I have another conversation with her? She doesn't have this kind of money to be blowing... It's really not good for her financially. She claimed bankruptcy just a few years ago and recently I found out she was using MY credit card (but also paying down what she bought) against my express wishes, so I had to cancel that card.

Tldr: Mom keeps buying gifts to seem generous that we don't actually need or want, and then tries to use it as a guilt trip later. What can I do or say to stop her? Anything?

Okay, that nicely buried the worst offense.

# ¿ Aug 29, 2018 17:45

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

This one is kind of sad considering the ages:

I (f/24) told my friend (m/28) I like him. He said he likes me too. Now what do I do? Does my plan sound ok?

quote:

I told him 10 days ago. We hang out at the local pub along every weekend with our separate groups of friends. We usually end up ditching our friends and hanging out just the two of us. After the pub, we grab food and sometimes head back to his apartment and listen to music and chat.

I always suspected he may like me by the small things he began doing. Such as, walking me to my car at night, looking at me from across the room thinking I didn't notice, shooing away all the guys who would come dance with me when we would go to gigs, sharing a blanket with me on the couch, those are just some.

After 3 years of knowing him, I finally realized I like him and that he may like me to. So, one night after the pub - we went back to his place as usual and I told him I liked him. He was in great shock. I asked him what he thought, he said, "I like you too". He then went on saying that he is 28 years old and has never been in a relationship. He said he was worried about being a bad boyfriend and not being able to give me what I want. I told him we can just take it slow, hang out more often and see where things go. He said "sure, I'm sorry - I need a drink". He then got up and went desperately search the fridge for alcohol, he made himself a drink, but didn't even drink it, he was just nervous.

When he returned, he seemed a little more relaxed. We chatted some more, when I said I was going to call a cab and head home, he told me I could sleepover and he would drive me home in he morning. He refused to let me go home in a cab because it was late at night. I asked, "where will I sleep?" and he said "my bed".

We got to his bed, and he started taking his clothes off and says, "I sleep naked". I said, "me too". I went to the bathroom, took my clothes off, came out in my bra and undies. He watched me climb into bed. He then pulled me closer to cuddle and we fell asleep. We slept until the afternoon, he then drove me home.

So what now?

In my opinion, I feel that in order to take things slow and make this a natural progression, I think I should wait until I see him on the weekend like usual and go from there. I think I should just act like I normally act, no difference. I will probably see him at the pub on the weekend, where we will hang out as usual and most likely end up back at his place, from there I can now take it to the next level. We fell asleep cuddling last time, maybe this time I can go in for a kiss and see what happens. Once we do this a little more often, then we can go on planning dates or discussing places we want to try and check out together. Does this seem like a good idea? It's what feels most right to me.

I feel that if I go out of my way to text him and plan a date is un-natural and not like us. We never text or plan our hangouts. We just know we will both be there. He is also only available on weekends, he works night shifts weekdays. We have opposite schedules. I'm just trying to take things slow and trying not to act super different because I can tell he his very nervous about the whole thing. He even admitted that he was afraid because he is 28 and has never been in a serious relationship. I also have zero relationship experience, but I don't think I'm as afraid as he is, perhaps because I am a little younger than him.

I'm not in a hurry, we both have said we like each other and are on the same page. I think that is most important.

TLDR: Told a guy friend of 3 years that I like him. He likes me too. We fell asleep cuddling. He admitted that he is 28 and never had a serious relationship. He is afraid and seems pretty nervous about it. I told him we can take things slow, hang out more and see where it goes. We are on the same page. I'm unsure of what to do next. I am thinking of just proceeding as usual. We hang out at the same pub every weekend. I know I'll see him there this weekend, we usually ditch our friends, hang out together and head back to his place to hangout more. So we will probably do that again, but I am thinking of taking things further, last time we cuddled, this time I'll go in for kiss. Does this seem like a good approach? I could text him to plan a date, but that seems very un-natural for us. We never text or plan hang-outs. We just know each other will be at the pub on the weekends.

But I found it mostly :3:

# ¿ Aug 29, 2018 20:16

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

If they are willing to take on the long-term commitment, great. If not, they should offer to basically foster while putting her up for adoption. What annoys me (I volunteer in this field a bit) are people who keep the kids around until they are old enough and messed up enough that they will probably never be adopted and then dump them in the system.

Xenocides fucked around with this message at 20:56 on Aug 29, 2018

# ¿ Aug 29, 2018 20:52

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Leon Einstein posted:

This woman is dying to let everybody know that she's a persecuted poly.

Please pay attention to me. I am poly! I am interesting!

The last thing they want is normalization. That would leave their only talking point dead: �Yeah, we have all been spitroasted by our boyfriends while our husband was in the other room crying because he still had not found a woman looking for a guy in an open marriage. Boring!�

# ¿ Aug 29, 2018 21:29

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Me [32F] with my husband [33F] Husband accused of having profile on dating site, says profile is a fake, how do we handle this?

quote:

I'm 32, husband's 33, been married for 2 years now, met when I was 26 and he was 27, were a couple for 2 years, engaged for nearly 2 years and married in December 2012, our anniversary's coming up in a fortnight.

Me and a girlfriend were having a girly day out at the weekend, the meal was nice, but things got shocking when she said she had something to tell me about my husband. She told me he'd messaged her on a dating site she uses and she looked at his profile, and found pictures of him in underwear on there [my friend's 34 and single, btw, that's the only reason she's using dating sites]. She said the photos were poor-quality, and wondered why on earth he'd want to put photos of himself up in his undies. What she told me next was shocking; he'd sent her a sexually explicit message asking for boob pics, and pics of her in bra and knickers. She said it was repulsive.

One question; don't most dating sites stop/prohibit people posting pictures of themselves in underwear, or am I wrong?

The next day (Sunday morning), I decided I'd ask my husband if this was true, just to get his side of the story, see his reaction. He denied it, said he really loves me, and would never use a dating site. I believed him, and decided to agree with him.

But what he told me next shocked me; he suspects he has an idea of who did it and that he wasn't aware of it until now. He said to me that when he was getting changed at the local pool (my husband's a member of a local water polo club that uses the pool) that a Chinese man was using his iPhone, taking photos of him getting dressed and he was trying to get out the way, but the man kept getting in his way. He told me he was annoyed with him, but didn't want to do anything in case the situation got bad.

After he'd had his water polo, he went to the sauna, as he usually does, it's his routine after he's been swimming (I know he does this because we both have that hobby in common - swimming that is!), that he saw the man again in the sauna, and the man was engaging in a PDA with his wife, a Chinese lady wearing a bright red bikini, and he was all over her, calling her "wifey", and it left other people disgusted.

My husband told me he feels disgusted by the whole thing, and doesn't know what to do, he thinks he should tell the man's wife, but he doesn't even know if he'll see this guy again.

On the subject of the dating site, how should we as a couple handle it? Given that my husband has clearly said the profile isn't his, and I've no reason not to believe him, what should we do next?

He's worried that someone could post the photos elsewhere on the 'net and it could affect his life; is he being melodramatic or is this a real concern?

I know there's a lot of concern about dating sites and things like that, but we could really do with some advice on this?

EDIT: Forgot to mention, we live in the U.K.

No honey, an evil Chinese man who I cannot be sure I will ever see again took pictures of me in water polo gear and photoshopped them. I wasn�t trying to (badly) seduce your friend with underwear pics. They were water polo pics. I got hackedby the Chinese! Like crooked Hillary!

# ¿ Aug 30, 2018 16:11

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

As an aside, I was talking with a friend who writes fanfiction, and apparently there's an entire subgenre dedicated to characters getting married and then aging such that the husband isn't quite so demanding and entitled about the wife's sexual availability and that just struck me as the saddest thing I'd ever heard

What a fantasy, can't wait to dig into some dampened libido fiction about Squidward

So their sexual fantasy is about not having sex with the object of their sexual fantasy?

# ¿ Aug 30, 2018 18:20

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

Nope, actually it's fascinating because I think your reply is indicative of a lot of what guys don't understand about women generally and ironically why these stories get written .

The stories are stuff like "Bojack Horseman finally takes an interest in his wife's fiber art" or "Don Draper comes back from work at a reasonable hour and wants to talk about how grateful he is that they've built a successful life together and that it wouldn't have been possible without his long-suffering wife which, and he realizes she's never mentioned this, actually brings home a bit more money than he does and how that genuinely doesn't bother him because he is proud of her accomplishments and knows she deserves it" or "Prince Eric agrees to go to the teahouse with his wife on their day off and doesn't even complain about it or cause a scene"

Okay, that is kind of cute but also kind of sad.

# ¿ Aug 30, 2018 18:48

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Play posted:

Whoa I am absolutely shocked. What the hell

Yeah......I am thinking it is fictional now. Some kind of cheating rear end in a top hat trying to get back at his ex by creating an excuse as ridiculous as his were but this time it is real so she should have been believed him.

# ¿ Aug 30, 2018 18:55

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

What's double amazing is a lot of guys here, in this thread, are going to laugh at this practice or be appalled by it and are never going to take the 6 seconds to stop and think "Do I take an interest in my wife's fiber art?" And of those who do, 80% are going to comfortably tell themselves that it's fine, their wife is a cool wife, she doesn't care if he pays attention to anything she cares about!

And she writes

Now I am glad I am single because I do not have to ask myself that.

# ¿ Aug 30, 2018 18:58

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 16:37

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

loquacius posted:

oh sorry

certain people in this thread are making a lot of assumptions about my marriage based on an Eat/Pray/Love joke

I am assuming you are poly diaper fetishists based on that joke.

# ¿ Aug 30, 2018 18:59

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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