/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Bud K ninja sword posted:

thanks OP for the 3rd valiant attempt

(spaced out because goddamn all clumped together is hard to read)

I could mainline this and it would be amazing, holy poo poo what a trainwreck.

Poly stories pretty much all go the same, immature nerds with poor boundries run each other over emotionally. There isn't likely to be any "this isn't an ultimatum, I'm breaking up with you." levels of greatness there.

# ¿ Sep 28, 2016 17:10

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 09:20

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Gaunab posted:

This is just sad

I can't even comprehend what that will do to a mind

# ¿ Sep 29, 2016 04:27

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Jeffnote: my hero

shout OFFICER DOWN OFFICER DOWN.

This is right up with "this isn't an ultimatum i am breaking up with you" in things i wish i was awesome enough to achieve in life. Holy poo poo I can't stop laughing.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 09:13

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

cmndstab posted:

I've heard this referenced a lot but I'm not sure what the story is, would you mind sharing?

https://archive.is/uULD2 The op purged her post but this thankfully captured it.

quote:

Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [30 M] of 6 months - we broke up after I booked tickets to go on a trip with an ex from ancient history, who is more of a best-friend.Relationships

Did I screw up?

So, I (f/25) have been seeing my boyfriend, Pete (m/30) for 6 months and its been wonderful. I really thought I'd found "the one" with him, but after last night I feel my world has collapsed and am not sure I've made the right decisions or if I was right. My heart feels like its been pulled out of my chest and I can't sleep. I'd never felt like this about anyone before.

My good friend, who we'll call Dave, was my boyfriend from the age of 18 to 21, after which we broke up because we wanted different things in life. We stayed good friends though because we had a great friendship and had been through so much together. He lives in a different country at the moment but we still talk semi-regularly online and in Whatsapp. Pete knew that Dave was a friend of mine but didn't know he was an ex until about 2 weeks ago, when Dave asked me to visit him in Amsterdam while he's on a work trip (I live in the UK, he lives in Italy). I had already agreed and booked a ticket before I told Pete - they were on sale for a ridiculously low price on the dates that he would be there, so I jumped at the opportunity.

Pete seemed cool with it at first but after a few days asked me if there was any history between us. I was honest and told him there was. He didn't seem too bothered and eventually asked if I thought visiting an ex in another country was appropriate whilst in a relationship. I explained to him how Dave and my relationship wasn't like that and that we were strictly platonic. He didn't seem to really react, he just gave me a look that was...sarcastic, I suppose, would be the best way to describe it. I then told him that I wouldn't be controlled and hated men that thought they owned me and could tell me what to do. I told him I was free to see who I wanted and that I found his lack of trust in me upsetting, disrespectful and, perhaps, a sign of future abusiveness. I now realise that this may have been a bad thing to say. Again, he didn't really react so I thought that was the end of it.

Then, last night, he came around to my flat and broke up with me!

I asked him why and tried to get him to explain himself and he told me that my going away was to see "another man" a deal-breaker, that he'd been in this type of situation before and wasn't going to go through it again. I asked him if this was an ultimatum - I hate ultimatums, they are tools of abusers - and he said "No, its not an ultimatum. I've decided to break up with you. I have not presented you with any options. I just came to say goodbye."
Before I could say or do anything more, he kissed me on the forehead, said goodbye and walked away. He didn't seem angry, just...sad.
I tried to call him after, but he just texted me some bullshit about how this was for the best and that he wished me no ill will and hopes I'll be happy. He turned his phone off after whilst I bombarded him with texts and voicemails.

To make matters worse, I told Dave about what happened and he replied "Oh well, guess that means we can have even more fun then! ;o)" He didn't care about my relationship and my pain - he just wanted a hookup buddy and someone to get stoned with whilst he was in Amsterdam.
Now I've lost someone I love and my best friend - who I was only interested in as friends - has a different motive to me for meeting up. I feel like I've lost my partner and I've lost a best friend at the same time.

I tried calling Pete today, about an hour ago, and he actually answered! He told me that I should look to be with someone who wasn't so abusive. He said, "Please stop calling me - this is over. Have a nice trip to Amsterdam" Then he BLOCKED me! How could he do that to someone he loves? Is he over reacting or was I? What should I do now? Was I wrong?

tl;dr:
Booked tickets to visit best friend. Got dumped because he was an ex. Did I just dodge a huge bullet...or did he?
EDIT: OK I KNOW I hosed UP. What should I do?

Even reddit eviscerated her https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4qfmgs/me_25_f_with_my_boyfriend_30_m_of_6_months_we/

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 14:54

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

loquacius posted:

The detail of the fatwife story where a husband doesn't want to gently caress his wife because she's gained like 150 pounds and she responds by trying to make him take Viagra or something sounds familiar to me, did a post by that guy make its way into the last thread? If so I'm not really surprised that it's ended up like that and I think he already knows the answer to his own question but I'm glad he asked it anyway

That was some dumbass tumblr called this is thin privilege I believe. This one is had a different lead up but it is the same kinda deal

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 22:43

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

https://m.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/55a183/me_27_f_with_my_girlfriend_26_f_of_3_months_have/

We gotta watch this play out cause holy poo poo

OP is gone now so we may never know 😥

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 23:02

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

My [32F] husband [34M] is obsessed with Rube Goldberg machines

My husband and I have been married for 4 years, together for 6. He's an incredible husband, very attentive and a great father to our daughter (11 months).

He works freelance, and often has downtime between jobs. When he has this downtime, he likes to spend time on his hobby; building Rube Goldberg machines (those chain reaction contraptions, where one thing triggers another thing which triggers another thing etc...).

It started off with him just using the garage, and they were quite fun, I loved coming home and him showing me his latest project. But now they've got so ambitious that they take over all the house.

Some of the projects can take a whole week to build, and so when I come home I'm not allowed in the living room because I might set off part of the project. Sometimes I'll come home, open the door and half of the project will go off and he'll get annoyed at me.

I'm starting to get worried about inviting friends over in case he is mid project and our friends think we're insane.

The final straw for me was when he got something to turn on the TV and play a song that our daughter likes, so she crawls over and sets off the next part of the machine.

When I bring this up to him, he dismisses my concerns and says it's all a bit of fun, I've asked him to stop but he outright refuses. Any ideas of what to do?

tl;dr My husband is obsessed with rube goldberg machines

# ¿ Sep 30, 2016 23:08

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

bone app the teeth posted:

r/relationships 3.0 - be like pete

This should always be the thread title when we gotta remake this again

# ¿ Oct 1, 2016 06:23

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

So she could literally tell him anything was normal and he would believe it and do it. Sounds like a win-win!

Edit: the dude is starting off with zero kink and thinks anything she does is the greatest thing on the planet, I'm not seeing what the issue is. Is this a humble brag?

At that age most women don't wanna have to teach guys again they've done it enough. This is a whole other level of gently caress Im already too old for this.

# ¿ Oct 1, 2016 20:27

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

dookifex_maximus posted:

who knows what the gently caress women want, they went all in on the metrosexual and did a complete 180 to the lumbersexual in a matter of years

e: this poo poo always gets me, the ladies who talking about who they want to date like they're picking out a ken doll. it's less creepy than the fleshmarket style men do though "one side of large breasts, one thin waist, two thighs hold the cottage cheese but give me the biggest butt you got. no, not that butt. that one. *pointing* underneath those three limbs."

This isn't the redpill subforum for losers. That's on reddit some where please go post there instead.

# ¿ Oct 1, 2016 23:43

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

military cervix posted:

At least the comment section is calling her an rear end in a top hat.

Seriously way to take a harmless crush and make a huge issue out of it you loving idiot

# ¿ Oct 2, 2016 23:25

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Pick posted:

If you want a really fun read, try the comments from sites for people whose spouses have Asperger's.

I need a cig after that

# ¿ Oct 3, 2016 02:40

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

cyberia posted:

(�･ω･`)

Perfect response.

# ¿ Oct 3, 2016 21:54

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

WampaLord posted:

I'm really glad this thread is back, thanks OP.

My [23M] girlfriend [23F] of 1 year is upset that I really like a female singer.

Im starting to think people just shouldn't date before 25

# ¿ Oct 5, 2016 21:20

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Nissin Cup Nudist posted:

Checks out

29yo friend of mine has again decided she is gonna be celibate after her last attempt failed.

Last attempt was an alcoholic divorced dude who wanted to have multiple women to himself and they all should be friends and get along as a big happy family. Even by poly standards that struck me as loving nuts.

Any attempts on my part to go hey maybe you get your poo poo together and stop dating losers just flies over her head cause she's fine of course. Until the next day when she's a sorry mess who can't do anything right. :what:

# ¿ Oct 5, 2016 22:16

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Stop this poo poo right now before you get the thread closed again you idiots. Just no. Let's move on please, I like this thread a lot and don't need to go down that path

# ¿ Oct 5, 2016 23:05

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Regulation Size posted:

Wait, pathological masturbating teen or that poo poo Pick and loquacius are doing? Because one of these is very lol

Pick and loq are good, the teen thing needs to :fuckoff:

# ¿ Oct 5, 2016 23:16

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Pick posted:

Also, most of my friends are loving nuts? But not in compatible ways. Does the man who breeds spiders go at the gay anime table, hospice table, or law school table?

Depends if the law school table is set over a trap door into the pits of hell where those people belong and how much you like your spider friend

# ¿ Oct 6, 2016 01:33

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Pick posted:

Sorry, the hell mouth is beneath the indie game developer table. I just won't compromise on that sweetheart, I can't

I can't say I can argue against this

# ¿ Oct 6, 2016 02:18

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

This may be outside the bounds of this cause of where it's sourced from but it seemed very in the :stare:

theme of the thread and it's about a relationship so I wanted to share.

quote:

Disclaimer As always, my posts are advanced level MRP. Newbies beware, do not try anything like this until you've been doing this correctly for at least six months (preferably a year), are objectively attractive, and have already built a solid frame, or poo poo like this could nuke your marriage. Keep stuff like this in your back pocket, as they say.

So if you've seem the movie The Usual Suspects (and you should)(mild Spoiler Alert), you'll recall the scene where rival cartels try to intimidate Keyser Soze by breaking into his house and holding his wife and kids at gunpoint. Keyser comes home, assesses the situation, draws his gun, and shoots...his own wife and kid! He then shoots the thugs, who are too shocked to react, letting one live to tell his bosses what transpired. The message: there is literally nothing that you can threaten to take from Keyser Soze to make him bend his will.

(Obviously I don't advocate this or any type of violence whatsoever)

So last Friday I'm reading some of Rollo's new posts, and this line stuck with me. To paraphrase: "No moment of pussy is ever worth a loss of frame". Little did I know that phrase was foreshadowing things to come.

So after a fun and sex filled weekend, I tell my wife Monday that I want her in her white lingerie so I can handcuff her to the bed and ravage her later. She says she'll put the outfit on before bed when we go upstairs after our cocktails. Whatever. So we discuss this trip she planned for a few Saturday's from now - a night at a hotel in a nearby casino city. She has a restaurant booked, arranged for the kid to stay at her mom's that night, the works. Anyways, I earlier in the weekend floated the concept of going to this Halloween themed party at a sex club in this city, and told her to look for good superhero costumes online. She doesn't shoot it down, initially plays coy. So Monday night I ask her if she found any good costumes.

her: Rex, wait, is this some kind of sex club?

Me: yes, I told you it was

Her: I told you I don't want to be a swinger

Me: me neither. We aren't doing anything with anyone. We're going to do something different by having some drinks, observing, and hanging out.

Her: So people can just be having sex there?

Me: yeah, they have areas for that if the mood strikes

Her: (now explosively angry) that sounds disgusting! Why would you ever think I'd want to go to a place like that!

Me: (probably should've STFU, but) Hey, it's a different, once in a lifetime thing to do for the experience. If it's hot and heavy, maybe we get hot and heavy. If everyone there is fat, old, and ugly, we'll have something we can laugh our asses off about the rest of our lives. Either way it should be interesting.

Her: shut up Rex! Just stop even talking right now, or I'm canceling the trip!

Me: [STFU and thinking about her threat to deprive me of something in order to end a simple discussion]

So as the show were watching is ending, I silently start cleaning up. She asks what's wrong with me. I keep STFU. We go upstairs, get ready for bed. Her: I'll still put on that outfit and have sex the way you wanted if you can be a nice boy. (Remember Rollo's line here. She doesn't actually want to gently caress me right now, she wants to use her pussy to pull me into her frame).

Me: not interested.

Her: why not?

Me: (could've STFU here, but) you are acting like a child, and I don't gently caress children. Goodnight.

Her: if you're going to have this attitude, then maybe we shouldn't go on this trip

Me: then cancel it

Her: I will

Me: pick up your phone and do it now

Her: I'll do it later

Me: OK.

So I get up, go to the computer room, cancel the trip, and bring her the confirmation sheet.

She explodes with all sorts of rambling, I keep saying "goodnight", she won't shut up, so I tell her I need to sleep and can't do it with her babbling, so I leave with my stuff and go to the guest bedroom.

We maybe say 10 words to each other the next day. I don't kiss her goodbye, nothing. I show no interest in returning to the main bed.

Yesterday morning, I realize that if I want normalcy, it's my job to lead her there. So before I leave for work, I give her a kiss and tell her to "be safe" like usual. Only one text during the day, telling her I'll meet her at my daughters gymnastics class later.

I show up at gymnastics, my Starbucks in hand, nothing for wife. When I see her, I act as though nothing ever happened - happy to see her, joking with kid, etc. Turns out she bought me a candy treat at the store, and commented on how I didn't get her anything from Starbucks even though I knew she would want something. Me: "I'll let you try some of mine. It's the new Chile Mocha". Evening proceeds as normal.

So later at home I'm going through the normal night routine getting daughter ready for bed. Wife comes upstairs, says she forgot her water downstairs, could I go down and get it? Me, jovially: "are your legs broken or something?" We banter for a minute, then she says she has a surprise down there for me. I go, and she has two glasses of wine poured, a lit candle, and a note asking if we can be friends again. I find out later that she has put on the white lingerie underneath her sweats, so she brings that out after kid is asleep. Passionate sex ensues. DEERing does not (before we have our wine she says "I'm not apologizing." Me: "me neither", give her a wink and a slap on her bare rear end.

The takeaways:

1. Nuking a nice trip like I did should only be done very sparingly, and only for a drat good reason. Why did I do it? Because I wanted to demonstrate to her that there is nothing, literally nothing, that she can threaten to withdraw or deprive me of that can alter my resolve (that I will not be browbeaten, disrespected, or made to capitulate under any sort of threat from her). Be careful with this men. Nuking poo poo like this too much for no good reason will make you come off as an unbearable, no-fun, mega prick, which equals unattractive. Don't be unattractive.

2. Whether nuking the trip was the correct move or not, owning that decision and holding frame thereafter is critical. I nuked the trip. I withdrew affection (leaving her to go to the guest room). I let her know that she was welcome back into my frame (good morning kiss two days later). I'm then given dark chocolate, wine, and porn star sex.

3. You must be "hawt" enough and have a frame made of solid titanium before you do something like this. You must have total, internalized abundance mentality, and you must truly give no fucks whatsoever as to her reaction. If you have not fully internalized this poo poo and have been living it every day, your wife will see right through you. You'll come off as a spoiled baby with a ridiculous attempt at wresting power away from mommy, and it will backfire on you hard core.

Edit: formatting (loving mobile)

Edit2: my "resolve" was not to force her to go to this club - it was that I will not tolerate being threatened in any way, shape, or form.

# ¿ Oct 13, 2016 22:41

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

It's comforting to know my reaction to that poo poo was right and just.

# ¿ Oct 13, 2016 23:07

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Has anyone else met a straight edge who wasn't an insufferable twat?

# ¿ Oct 14, 2016 03:51

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

almightyerin posted:

Why do I get the vibe from this that the lucky girl has no idea she's been chosen for this honor?

There is plenty of weird 20 some things into weird poo poo too, I'm sure they're totally aware. Dude should just enjoy himself, wife certainly sounds like she's playing out a fantasy

# ¿ Oct 15, 2016 18:47

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Gaunab posted:

Racist FIL

Depending where he lives this is a slam dunk divorce and child custody deal and he should probably do that if he's not throwing the lovely old man out of the house.

# ¿ Oct 24, 2016 22:57

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Gaunab posted:

Shut the gently caress up about healsluts and overwatch

Do you guys think I'm just being insecure

Very get over yourself lol

# ¿ Oct 26, 2016 17:24

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

I'm really glad at just short of 35 my dates are all in their 30s after seeing all that

# ¿ Oct 26, 2016 21:55

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Have any of these open relationships stories been open from start? Probably not but lol at people who try to do that instead of just breaking up god drat.

# ¿ Oct 30, 2016 02:42

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Manticorny posted:

You're right, smacking someone on the rear end is sexual assault.

Lol holy poo poo you are stupid. And then shared it with us like you're proud of your busted brain hahaha.

# ¿ Oct 30, 2016 19:14

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Much as we were just ragging on the poly folks this seems way worse, wow

# ¿ Nov 4, 2016 08:39

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I'm [F19] celibate and my partner [M23] might break it off or hook up with another woman unless we have sex

I told him on the very first date that I am chaste so I allowed him to be prepared for that. I'm chaste for personal, spiritual, and health reasons.

The flag is so red it practically glows in the dark

# ¿ Nov 4, 2016 17:35

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Anime is poison to the soul

# ¿ Nov 7, 2016 01:43

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

I'm not sure what stripper lady wants advice on.

# ¿ Nov 9, 2016 18:19

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

lazorexplosion posted:

lmao this sounds like a good time. 'Hi, today we prepared a presentation on how dumb you are. Save your questions for the end.'

Such stupid thinking needs to be nipped in the bud so my non existent hat to these folks.

# ¿ Nov 11, 2016 07:58

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Glenn Quebec posted:

Next time my wife and I have a bad argument or an ongoing lowkey one that explodes, I'll take away her phone from her and then physically restrain her after blocking her attempts to leave. As she's being whipped into a frenzy because I'm robbing her of any physical agency, I'll whisper at her (cool, calm and collected) "Lohli says there is more than one bad actor in this scenario. You might harm yourself."

thank you

# ¿ Nov 15, 2016 06:56

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

bone app the teeth posted:

The Internet does a great job at reminding me how insufferable nerds are

# ¿ Nov 16, 2016 00:52

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

The trans foster dad situation is proof life is stranger than any fiction you could dream up

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 19:29

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

My ex used to go on about how much more poo poo she got as a woman for being childfree than I did and developed a huge rear end complex about it and I'm sure posted in that sub at some point. (fake edit: checked, yep she did!) Even I started rolling my eyes at her when she started saying poo poo like breeder and crotch droppings.

Meanwhile she steps in with her twin sisters' 7 kids between 5 men all the time because obviously someone has to be the adult there. Or least did, I stopped talking to her cause as you can imagine she's a giant drama generator.

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 21:31

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

boner confessor posted:

it's way easy to be radically anti-child in your late teens/early 20's because it doesn matter but now that the average goon is pushing 30 that's when poo poo gets real re: child having

Friend started dating a guy* and they're both 30+ and I had to tell her she needs to drop this "I can't ever be around the kids" poo poo as at our age it's pretty much going to happen unless you never want to date again.

*She could be a pair of /r/relationship posts on her own. Her ex is an asexual poly super sadbrain and the new one got busted for a very high DUI recently and seem to have anger issues. It's all started to get very old to listen to.

# ¿ Nov 22, 2016 22:51

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

I want that dude to take a wet wipe to her face and just take a big part of it off before she knows what's happening and watch the resulting melt down

# ¿ Nov 28, 2016 07:09

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 09:20

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Ratjaculation posted:

Is there a single open relationship success story?

This

loquacius posted:

Those middle-aged people with grown kids who go to swinger parties and all gently caress each other's wives and husbands seem pretty happy most of the time

and this

mfcrocker posted:

Yeah, they're just not posting on r/relationships, for obvious reasons.

They're really loving rare though, to the point where I would say not opening up a closed relationship is a dang good rule to live by.

The couple I know fit this profile. They're 40+, one already had olderish kids, and they got together as a pair of slutty people who didn't want monogamy from the get go. Been least 10 years far as I know, seem perfectly happy and I don't hear any bullshit about them.

Meanwhile I got that previously mentioned crazy friend who found a guy she really likes and he's not ok with her loving around, but of course she's trying to leave that door cracked even though she wants to make things work and it's going to blow the whole thing up.

# ¿ Nov 28, 2016 17:45

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›14 »