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Duzzy Funlop posted:My 4th (or 5th?) knee surgery resulted from rupturing my meniscus... I ruptured mine stepping on a Kong toy. That I had just told my wife I should pick up before someone trips on it.
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May 9, 2020 12:24
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bird food bathtub posted:That is a pretty righteous and well-earned nut shot, gotta give him props for that. Military punishment is cyclical.
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May 21, 2020 22:46
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Godholio posted:It's InitialDave and an Aussie known for shitposting. That's like judging GIP based on Smoke Crack and m0t. Yeah, nah. I called someone out for being racist and had someone try to dox me, to which the mod at the time said "yeah, well, don't call it out, you're pretty left" like that was an excuse. I loving love cars but gently caress that forum is incredibly insular and stuck in the past, and loathes any form of progress. Automotive or societal.
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Jun 14, 2020 22:35
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Scratch Monkey posted:What does “mosit” mean? Wish I hadn't googled it
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Jun 15, 2020 12:09
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Kith posted:1st Lt Steven has successfully given herpes to a colonel's wife. The senior chief of my c schools (and well known in the community, as it was small) was a well known wife swapper/legit cuck. Stories were everywhere of him watching junior enlisted rail his wife while he beat off in a corner. Dude was super creepy, vaguely religious. Wife spent so much of his money he had a side career at HD that was almost as long as his naval career. Rythe posted:Holy poo poo my favorite part of being a Shirt is trying to piss off spouses that are calling to get my member in trouble. If they call with a valid issue I'm all over helping but the second they sound vindictive and want my guy in trouble I shut down and go into passive aggressive mode. Even better if I can get them trying to call the Wing and complain..... Its even better when the spouse brings a guest on base who happens to be a Hells Angel, wearing colors, and the guard let's them on. Then our compound gate guard lets them in because, and i quote, "dude was a loving hells angel." They then go to the quarterdeck, where a very nice but very dumb 2nd class lets the CO know that a spouse and her guest are waiting outside his office for their meeting. (Prior to this she had been calling the QD for weeks, and most watchstanders hung up on her. Unless the CDO was a true cock of a chief, at which point you forward the call to their duty cell every single time.) Cue every masterchief (we had 4, including CMC) at the command showing up on the QD, followed by MAC in a loving plate vest and M4 to "question" them. Nothing happened to either watchstander, and im not even sure if they reported it to base security.
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Aug 21, 2020 13:38
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Ugly In The Morning posted:Yeah, my desks at various jobs have been messes but when I clean it up I can’t find a goddamn thing. When it’s just wherever I always remember what I was doing the last time I had it and can find it in a snap. I usually remember stuff by associations, too, so I can put together weird connections in a snap but trying to sit down and memorize is a bad time. Same. I can give you a sheet of paper from 3 months ago in a stack of nothing but oddball papers, but God help you if i clean and organize everything. You'll be waiting hours. Or rather forever because I will give up entirely, until my desk goes back to its natural state. I love a clean, super organized tool cabinet at work but every attempt at home lasts about as long as the first time I need more than one tool at a time.
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Sep 8, 2020 10:41
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Milo and POTUS posted:Muffins is an insanely cool call sign Then you find out he got it because one day he wore some tight pants and had a muffin top.
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Sep 9, 2020 03:13
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Then whys her pee sweet
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Sep 9, 2020 07:59
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madeintaipei posted:It's so bad. There is a CFA in Valrico, Florida in front of a Super Walmart. The place is so busy people park in the empty lot across the lane to eat, cheerfully tossing their trash out the window. Holy poo poo. I was scrolling down to post this one. Bonus for the giant trucks that end up blocking the lanes to and from Walmart and home depot so they can get some not gay chicken.
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Sep 26, 2020 20:40
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madeintaipei posted:Lol. Nope, but I was at Sonic the day a truck caught fire back there. That place is a cesspit, but it's somehow the nicest one around still. The CFA is the only major ballache in that whole complex. Edit: And I got mine in 3 days. Took less time than my loving library card.
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Sep 26, 2020 21:13
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PathAsc posted:I was also the idiot this week when I felt ~feelings~ about whiny fucks flying the flag upside down lol. I mean it's not like they follow any other rules for flying the flag.
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Nov 10, 2020 14:34
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Steezo posted:Does look like a geek strap. Looks like the one for the weird version of the glasses to go under gas masks and such
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Dec 30, 2020 07:21
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Not an ND, but last shoot I went to before I got out of the navy we were dicking around like 60yds from the firing line playing spades. Suddenly hear a round hit the box truck to our side closer to the line, and then the van window 6" to the right of a guys head shatters. Some dink on the line shot low enough to hit a rock, which ricocheted back and somehow didn't kill anyone.
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Jan 5, 2021 05:18
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Scratch Monkey posted:What is a “returnee” here? Guessing another service member who just came back from abroad and is now in quarantine
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Jan 17, 2021 16:34
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Collateral Damage posted:I never imagined that "army wife" was a desirable state. I know two different women that between them (since I've known of them, so 2008) have been married to 9 different sailors and marines, 1 cop, and engaged to numerous others in that time period. In the almost four years since I got out (jfc), my wife has worked in salons with 3 separate women that specifically sought out military to try and get hitched. Also know a guy who makes his baby momma (and kids, for that matter) wear proud ___ of a former marine clothing.
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Apr 19, 2021 22:54
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Crab Dad posted:Yeah. Going from a port in Italy to the middle of the med was amazing to see how fast water quality changed. That may have something to do with them dumping poo poo barges straight back into the water. Or bringing barges meant for a submarine or possibly a small raft out to a carrier and then not wanting to swap it out, and then someone sinks said poo poo barge because they fell asleep on the sponson and didn't notice anything until the line snapped off the header and sprayed them with poo poo. FrozenVent posted:I’ve seen lots of girders and floor but never a bulkhead to limit sloshing. A few of the CHT tanks on the carrier had bulkheads in them with manhole sized openings, iirc. I think the midship port side ballast tanks did as well, trying to remember that long ago is a bitch now. I guess I'm an idiot because I've honestly thought about going merchant marine because I legitimately miss being underway.
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May 24, 2021 14:49
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Wingnut Ninja posted:
Not two DUIs, but had a guy get two hit and runs which resulted in a DUI. Hit a car out in town, somehow got back on base, smashed another car in the parking lot, then got on the ship and went to sleep like nothing happened. MAs came and drug his rear end off the ship and ended up getting bounced for missing ships movement. Also had a guy get popped after walking onto base with no ID, took off running when MA told him to stop, then hid in a bush until he thought he was clear, went and got hammered at the bowling alley, got spotted by patrol car. When they turned the lights on he attacked the car. He had been off restriction for ~3 weeks, from his previous incident of...attacking a patrol car.
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Sep 3, 2021 14:29
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brains posted:discharge is only one of several options a commander can take, so if there was an urgent need for retention you'd probably see a lot more confinements and other punishments handed out to make that choice a lot more unpalatable. Which is why I did two deployments with multiple nukes that pissed hot.
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Sep 27, 2021 22:20
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not caring here posted:My company had a platoon sergeant whose paperwork was so bad that they thought he had a severe undiagnosed TBI and ordered him to get evaluated at the TBI clinic. Turns out no TBI, and the only thing he would ever say about it was "no child left behind hooah". Was an ASVAB waiver so I guess it checks out. We had a kid in basic who somehow knew enough English to pass the asvab, and got through p days alright, then made it 2 days in actual basic before getting sent to ESL classes. He was Chinese American, born in the states, but spoke literally zero english.
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Oct 1, 2021 18:26
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BUG JUG posted:No one wants to see a troop dead more than their fellow troop though Found the ANA
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Nov 29, 2021 18:47
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not caring here posted:I don't give a poo poo about any of this. Leave me outta this
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Jan 9, 2022 13:40
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Lemniscate Blue posted:My first assignment in my tour at Jacksonville Naval Hospital was in the Urology clinic, run by an old-rear end O-6 who was widely recognized as one of the best in the region - like, he would occasionally fly down to Miami on weekends to consult with the civvie hospital there. I'm pretty sure the closest thing he had to combat experience was when he got mad at the OBGYN who kept nicking bladders in the O/R and roughed him up a bit. On first read I was wondering why the hell someone was stealing bladders.
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Jan 18, 2022 14:30
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What a dink, that sounds hilarious.
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May 28, 2022 15:17
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Elviscat posted:There were a lot of urban legends made by idiots floating around that the aquaflage would release orange dye in Salt water. The blue digis loving sucked. I swear to God that was the worst uniform and the boots they wanted to be worn with them literally destroyed your loving feet. I had a pair of the flight deck toe cap boots that got worn any time it wasn't a uniform inspection and got yelled at constantly. The smelter boots were baller af though. The type 3s weren't too bad and at least you could get some mall ranger tactical boots that were comfy as hell without getting screamed at. Dress whites were comfortable and people loved them but holy poo poo they were basically one time use items. Blues are baller but holy loving uncomfortable batman. Plus having to get them altered to where you could take a piss without undoing 13 buttons. Work pajamas aka coveralls were the goat. Go to the thrift store, find a pair about 2 sizes up, wash till they feel like cotton sheets. /uniformchat
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May 29, 2022 16:41
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Elviscat posted:My brother went to college in N.O. and I think the scariest hurricane stories were the fire ant rafts floating down the street. I legitimately have a nightmare that has occurred since I was about 8 of waking up in the middle of a flood and being swarmed by a flotilla of red ants. Happens every year or so, and guaranteed to happen if I actually get popped by one.
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Jul 11, 2022 13:33
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Steezo posted:Yes but also, big tiddies. Mother fucker now all I can think of is the part in Next Friday with joker counting his money. "Hundreds and fiddies... or big rear end titties...hundreds and fiddies...sucking on, those big rear end titties." Edit: also reminded of my roommate in a school who was from like 30 minutes away from there, so he had someone bring him a big rear end flat screen for the room. Cool. Except all he did was watch weird rear end porn. Walk in every day to "dude check this out, he's standing on her head!"
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Oct 2, 2022 13:06
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Grip it and rip it posted:Les allemands were in Canada first right? I think it's too cold for almonds there
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Dec 9, 2022 17:07
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Guest2553 posted:That's generally what the Australians do. Lot less potential for sexual misconduct including dude bro aviators that way I guess? My first exposure to Australian military was walking into a bar in Hong Kong, having the bartender warn us not to go in, then seeing a naked conga line.
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Dec 24, 2022 16:19
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Wrong Theory posted:A bunch of us took parts of the metal wiring off of a hesco and used it to hold food over our trash fire. Then our medic yelled at us for probably ingesting heavy metals, but that made us want to do it more I cannot even begin to describe the amount of cookies that got baked and pizzas reheated in the weld rod oven.
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Feb 27, 2023 14:16
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I lost count of the number of recruits that either got talked or tackled off the bridge over I5 going into acu5. Half of our command getting yelled at for yelling jump cause we couldn't go to lunch
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Jul 4, 2023 16:36
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CainFortea posted:he is unlikely to get fried chicken though Wtf
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Jul 22, 2023 23:01
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BUG JUG posted:God you guys are such welfare queens. If it's not "oh I got shot and blown up and now i need medical care," its that ducklady going on TV scamming America with her "poor me I lost all my legs in a helicopter crash." YOU GOT TO BE IN THE SEX CLUB!!!! Don't complain so much! Probably because that one influencer dude just got popped. Went in on a cane and poo poo to get his rating upped, won the case saying he couldn't lift anything, etc then immediately afterward went home and recorded an Instagram video doing an 800lb squat or deadlift lol.
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Jul 28, 2023 13:34
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Is that even a full paved runway? It almost looks like he got stuck in a rut
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Aug 4, 2023 15:17
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Punished Ape posted:Similar story in Grafenwoehr. During an observer controller rotation there was a guy who came into the sleeping tent drunk and pissed all over another OC. This is probably the third or fourth piss story in this thread, it just keeps happening! Woke up on the ship, in home port, to the sound of someone squealing in pain and loud thumps. Rolled out of my bunk, look over to the other side of the berthing to see a very wet first class beating the absolute poo poo out of a new (like, first week onboard) DC fireman. Said fireman was taken out drinking with his shop at someone's house, since he was barely 19. He came back to the ship, got lost trying to find the head and came into our berthing and proceeded to piss all over the guy. He was still peeing while he was getting rocked. Dude was admin separated a week later. Similar: on deployment, pierside in Turkey. One of our new firemen came back absolutely shithoused, woke up needing to puke, rolls out of his rack and immediately starts projectile vomiting. Covers his mouth with his hand, and directs the stream straight onto a 2nd class in the middle rack. He woke up, realized dude was way bigger than him, so grabbed someone's boot off the floor and brained him with it. No one reported it so no issues.
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Aug 17, 2023 18:53
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MarcusSA posted:I work with a lot of people from the Philippines and the people were pretty mad that it went away God I miss garlic rice every morning for breakfast
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Sep 16, 2023 00:42
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MarcusSA posted:Good news! Oh nice. Ordered. I make it myself every now and then, along with lumpia and random other things. I loving miss Filipino food. My wife was born and raised on FL, never met a Filipino, and since we went to Guam most of her close friends are Filipino and the food is a requirement, along with Chamorro.
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Sep 16, 2023 01:08
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Lemniscate Blue posted:Some days it feels like a bit of a shame that fragging fell out of fashion post Vietnam. As long as you aren't a former NFL player
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Oct 12, 2023 13:58
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Steezo posted:It could be raining titties and the Corps would still catch a dick to the face. Only cause they ran for it, mouth and rear end agape, screaming no homo Also a personal idiot moment in line with combat jacking, definitely had to suddenly blue balls myself at least twice due to a fire and a medical emergency getting called away. Can't even get the post watch pre sleep deployment jack finished cause BM3 fucknut doesn't understand how stairs work.
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Nov 13, 2023 19:45
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Humbug Scoolbus posted:I never saw a ladder go over the side, but I did see the cleat a fast rope was attached to, tear free and go yeeting out the side of a Blackhawk as the crew chief kicked out the coil. Way safer but also way less funny than it happening once loaded
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Jan 11, 2024 14:58
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Malachite_Dragon posted:I mean I've got PMs, if you've got the evidence you can share it with me instead of just throwing insults at me, but if you wanna do that instead I won't stop you. Sorry this is how you find out solid snake x Mr and Mrs Smith was in fact a liar and you got conned But also lol that you won't believe it. All those poor hippos he shot in the face and his twice 14 dead daughter, and son who did digital crayon drawings for his LPs.
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Mar 4, 2024 13:30
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