asdf32 posted:

My pet experience

Hamster - D-
Don't remember the name, it sucked and bit and didn't' play with those fancy hamster toys much and then chewed through them and escaped and died.

Rabbits - D
Took care of one for a summer. Almost braindead and useless but requiring a huge cage. I guess you can eat them but if that's not the plan there is little point.

Beta Fish - B
Tough bastards. We had one in my father's apartment which was a dump and the fish bowl ended up the same way. You could barely see it through the dirty water but it kept going for a long time. Pretty much the minimum work for a pet possible.

Jake the Snake - C
Scared the poo poo out of the neighboring old lady when I walked by carrying it so that was a plus but not much else going on. Only lasted a month. C for the novelty factor. Also requires keeping live food which meant surprisngly disgusting crickets.

Myrtle the Turtle - C
Life routine: Sleep, eat peas (only peas), climb into water bowl take a dump then drink the water. Climb back under cardboard house and repeat tomorrow. The scary things about turtles is that this cycle can repeat for 25+ years. Don't get a turtle unless you want a cold-blooded life long non-friend. Myrtle got donated to a petting zoo that got shut down for mistreating animals.

Browny and Blacky the Rats - B
Rats are the standout small rodent pet. They get super excited when you come home or walk to the cage and love licking your fingers or hands. Never bite and are very clean though they usually die of a horrible huge leg tumor and the males have testicles far closer to your own in size than is comfortable. Get the females.

Molly the Cat - B+
When my father was unemployed and deep in depression the kitten I showed up with one day made a huge difference (after various initial threats of disownment etc.). Though it turned out his physical decline wasn't depression but was undiagnosed lung cancer that killed him a year later. The cat was a great companion in that year though and then moved on to my grandparents where it outlasted my grandmother too. My grandfather says it's a lifesaver to have the cat around in the empty house despite recognizing that it's probably going to outlive him too. With his current back problems, a dog wouldn't be possible. So while it seems to bring death the cat gets pretty high marks as a pet.

Wife - TBD
By the standards of this thread in terms of "ability to show affection" she has that. Though along with those verbal skills comes the ability to show various forms of [not affection] as well, often in larger quantities.

Human Child - ask in a year. I hear mixed reports.

VendaGoat posted:

and a single slice of tomato on the floor

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Wait, you were fine with the original colon-making GBS threads story, but a metaphorical reference to one detail is what turns your stomach?

Snapchat A Titty posted:

gently caress everything.

Iron Crowned posted:

I had an ex that made me wear a fedora

Your Dunkle Sans posted:

Fishmech actually made a clever post? Holy loving poo poo!?

Bobby Digital posted:

Genesplicer

Shbobdb posted:

Remember: committing murder is a bannable offense.

Sham bam bamina! posted:

...

Alain Perdrix posted:

Imagine building a house so stupid that god sends an entire hurricane to erase it.

Solice Kirsk posted:

Oooh. Like the small pastries meltdown that goldmined the old anti-food porn thread.

Karate Bastard posted:

If I make it through that quote without laughing the fact that the two last chars are lowercase get me every time and I don't know why

Oxxidation posted:

Weren't they an Avshalom alt?

Neddy Seagoon posted:

Wait, what? Way to go, Oxx, why don't you tell me Santa isn't real next .

Six-Of-Hearts posted:

I dont think its "rolling with the punches" if you're not smart enough to understand why everyone is punching you.

Somfin posted:

These forums are a fine example of how much damage even something like radium can do, dude. It's absurd, but people need to know that they need to stay the gently caress away from that poo poo.

Breetai posted:

I have never been prouder to be baffled by an analogy.

Karate Bastard posted:

Yeah, like that otter guy was funny, maybe you could find some of his to post?

Alaois posted:

what is it with goons and jazz, for fucks sake

Somfin posted:

And this right here is why video games are the worst art form in the world

Big Centipede posted:

Huh?

Chichevache posted:

I really want to see a picture of him irl.

FruitNYogurtParfait posted:

I'm betraying myself here, but no they just swapped control of one part of the game for another part and are still #1/2 power in bad dumb game

Cindy Shitbird posted:

Only one thing posted in this thread makes me cry with laughter until I ache every time I've read it, and that's Kirk's meltdown at the Razee gaming tablet thing.

On that note, how did Kirk handle news of the Nintendo Switch?

RyokoTK posted:

Repeatedly wishing death upon the sitting US president kinda forced his hand.

syscall girl posted:

Probably more than once and since he's closed the office they might be at his house which is loads of fuckedupedness

Away all Goats posted:

We Know Catheters posted:

Charles Bukowski posted:

I never finished that book. Does he chug miles of cock like the beginning suggests?

Glenn Quebec posted:

Wrong. It's because I post on a phone and you're out of your mind if I'm gonna write some huge diatribe in lieu of calling someone a colossal fag

HerStuddMuffin posted:

How much of a shrimp does a man have to be to be mistaken for a woman just based on the length of his hair? Alternately, how much of a misshapen blob that people have to ascertain his gender using contextual clues like length of hair.

WrenP-Complete posted:

The quote is complaining about Koalas March (not a D&D mod).