/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Bonzo posted:

I shower when I get up to help wake myself up and also take one a few hours after dinner.

Yes, but how many months do you go without washing your jeans?

# ¿ Nov 29, 2016 01:26

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 01:29

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Improbable Lobster posted:

Neither does ginger but you don't want to leave that on you mucous membranes

You don't enjoy a good figging every now and then?

# ¿ Dec 7, 2016 22:07

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I [25 M] have a serious problem with my [25F] GF of a few years and her unusual bathroom habits.

...

tl;dr: My GF fingers the poo poo out of her rear end when she's constipated and it freaks me out

I always read the tl;dr first, so I thought he meant she was fingering her rear end vigorously, not that she literally fingers the poo poo out of her rear end.

# ¿ Dec 9, 2016 07:05

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

loquacius posted:

I'm gonna go my OWN way *constructs an elaborate Rube Goldberg machine that kills me with a garrote at the end*

This has no right being as funny as I think it is.

# ¿ Dec 11, 2016 20:07

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

My favorite is when one partner doesn't want to have sex ever, but gets upset if the other masturbates/has toys/whatever.

# ¿ Dec 12, 2016 02:09

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

datajugend posted:

The Break Up maybe? They break up and become petty or its the other way around, and iirc they dont end up back together at least.

She doesn't want him to do the dishes. She wants him to want to do the dishes.

# ¿ Dec 12, 2016 18:58

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

I like that the sister-in-law is a "permissible alternative".

I think the dad's gotta be the least autistic of the two. He wanted her to take six weeks off for maternity leave, had purposely saved up days off to do the same himself, and was concerned for he health of the fetus because of his wife's job. Those are all reasonable and thoughtful. It feels like it came down to picking between his wife and his daughter and he chose his wife.

# ¿ Dec 15, 2016 06:07

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

underage at the vape shop posted:

Feet and inches are stupid. Can you please adjust to normal numbers and use celcius tia.

8.96 links tall at 293 Kelvin

E: and she weighs just a tad bit over 10 stone.

Batterypowered7 fucked around with this message at 08:31 on Dec 15, 2016

# ¿ Dec 15, 2016 08:28

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Baron Corbyn posted:

Jokes on you, British people actually weigh themselves in stone.

4.351 Slug

# ¿ Dec 15, 2016 11:56

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

underage at the vape shop posted:

Idk dude taking a dick to your vagina is pretty solidly feminine...

What if you do it in a masculine way?

# ¿ Dec 17, 2016 01:44

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

underage at the vape shop posted:

Is he a single child?

E: You missed the part about his twin sister.

# ¿ Dec 17, 2016 23:34

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Clearly they just need to play a nice, relaxing game of Battlestar Galactica.

# ¿ Dec 30, 2016 18:46

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Bonster posted:

My (34M) wife of 5 years (37F) and I are, or were, TTC. She went on a natural health kick but now she smells and possibly has an infection. I can't stand to touch her and she thinks I'm "disgusted" by her. She's kinda right.

EWW! Eww ew ew!

I had a good laugh at the caramelized onions mixed with feet mixed with maple syrup part.

# ¿ Jan 2, 2017 01:04

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Principals Orifice posted:

It's called a convent

That's for witches, not for nuns, you dope.

# ¿ Jan 3, 2017 19:13

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Didn't goons go on and on about how great sink pissing is in one of the bachelor threads a while back? Pretty sure I remember someone saying they'd put up a sign in their bathroom whenever they threw a party instructing the guys to just piss in the sink because it was easier.

# ¿ Jan 3, 2017 23:29

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Chomp8645 posted:

Pee Pee in Hoo Hah

Ponos in vagoo

# ¿ Jan 6, 2017 19:28

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Leon Einstein posted:

Only doggy is so he can't look them in the eyes while loving them. I guess she's ok with him looking them in the butthole though.

Edit: beaten

Ps. There's no way he followed those rules.

Lookin' 'em in the ol' brown eye instead.

# ¿ Jan 11, 2017 23:53

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Pick posted:

Yeah, the "friend zone" meme has sort of been used to describe a range of phenomena, some real and some not.

The real fallacy is thinking that being a friend prevents you from being considered as a partner. This is not true, and I've never seen it be true.

The idea that women will have friends that they don't see as partner material (and vice versa) is completely true and completely justifiable. Obviously, I have friends who are men who I don't think are romantically compatible with me, and they know I am not romantically compatible with them.

There are ways that current friends could change that would make them compatible with me, or ways I could change to be compatible with them but that's just a function of how people develop over time.

People's standards for friendship are different than their standards for partnership, although I don't think I've ever met someone with a healthy attitude who would only want someone as a partner and would have zero interest in them as a friend.

However, knowing that someone is into you and abusing that, by stating you are friends and insinuating you could be more, is completely crappy and yes, it does happen, and I have certainly witnessed it.

Reported for misandry.

(Just kidding)

# ¿ Jan 15, 2017 03:52

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Pvt.Scott posted:

Hotwifing sounds like hotswapping electronics to me. Dangerous.

Came here to post this. Glad I'm not the only one.

# ¿ Jan 16, 2017 04:08

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Need help still: I [17M] am homeschooled and my parents won't let me have friends. I'm lonely and isolated and just looking for some help.Personal issues

submitted 7 hours ago * by The-Zesty-1

I posted back in August asking for help since I'm a sheltered homeschooled kid who hasn't been allowed to have friends, and I just wanna say thank you for all the help and advice; and I figured I'd give a little update, since I'm still feeling like I need help. I'd say things haven't really gotten any better since that post. Nothing's really changed, I'm still practically friendless, just taking each lonely day as it comes. My mom is still clinging to me since I'm practically taking my dad's place because he's still never around. He and my mom had one of the biggest fights they've ever had on Christmas Eve that I was dragged into and forced to take a side, and it really hurts having to tell both of your parents how you think they've messed up, and dealing with their reactions. They're probably going to split up at some point (probably for the better in my opinion), but still, it's a living hell here. They're going to let me get a job now that the new year started, and hopefully some place will hire me.

I visited the college in Florida I want to go with my mom back in November, and I will end up going there in the fall to major in accounting, so that's pretty exciting. It will be really nice to be hundreds of miles away from home where I can make my own decisions and do what I can to stay away from my family. I'm excited to be able to make friends and have a life, but I'm kinda nervous about the academic part of it. I haven't been in a classroom setting in about a decade, and I'm just concerned whether or not I'll be able to actually do well. I have done my best in my homeschooling curriculum (which has been pretty tough to say the least) in order to do my best to prepare for college, and although I feel like I've been doing my best and will be fine in college, I'm still a bit nervous.

I'm thinking about quitting saxophone even though it's been the only thing I've been this passionate about in a really long time. I just feel like I've hit a wall in my playing and no matter what I do I can't get past it, and the stress from my family (which has skyrocketed recently) has really hit me and can be seen in my playing since I'm not getting any better. I'm still practicing like crazy, but I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. My mom yelled at me when I mentioned possibly giving it up, since apparently I've put in "too many hours of practice just to throw it all away". my family is absolutely sick of hearing me talk about it and listening to me play. It just seems like because I'll never be able to play music as much as I want, not practice enough, and not feel supported, it just feels like a waste of all my time. I love it, but it just feels like a waste since I'm not getting any better, no matter how hard I try.

Other than that, things have been decent. That girl I mentioned I met in my last post hurt me pretty badly; I now only have one friend who's incredibly far away (my mom is actually letting my skype her, which I can't believe); school's been stressful; my mom's cut off most of my ties at church now. I just feel like I have nowhere else to vent. I need some help; all of this has been taking a toll on my mental health too. Suicidal thoughts have been frequent, as well as thoughts telling me to run away or crazy stuff like that. I just still need help.

tl;dr: still feeling under pressure because of homeschooling/sheltering parents, and it's making me want to quit the things I love and mess with my mental health. Just looking for some more help.

I really hope he does well in his classes and makes lots of friends. I wasn't homeschooled, but I did go to a very small private school my entire life, and while making friends was never an issue, the freedom and lack of rigidity that came with college classes led to a pretty abysmal performance my first year.

# ¿ Jan 16, 2017 17:53

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Any good r/relationships posts about weed for thread page 420?

# ¿ Jan 16, 2017 19:12

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Waterbed Wendy posted:

poo poo post inc:

My (25F) future FIL (59M) lives with me in my home, and won't stop doing my laundry.

I'm think this one was posted a couple hundred pages ago.

# ¿ Jan 17, 2017 19:30

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Pick posted:

Racist: *sees blonde woman with black man* *immediately and furiously imagines that black man's incredible whopper of a penis thrusting, nay, slamming into her pussy with manly grace neither he nor any other white man could ever match* *votes*

Go on...

E: My wife's black, I'm hispanic but pass for white. Most we've ever gotten was a "You go, girl." from another black girl while walking in the mall.

# ¿ Jan 23, 2017 06:40

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Pick posted:

I assume it also depends on where you live, I was in the south so .

Florida, which is the south and not the south all at the same time.

# ¿ Jan 23, 2017 14:04

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

WampaLord posted:

I'm still reacting to the realization that not being able to control your farts means I should see a doctor.

Can everyone else control sneezing too? Is it just me?

Can you really not hold in your farts? I've been laughing for the past five minutes at the thought of some poor goon completely at the mercy of their own farts. Like, you're at a meeting with your boss or an important client and a look of terror comes over your face as you realize you're about to fart and there's nothing you can do about it.

# ¿ Jan 24, 2017 21:50

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

Just put your hand down your plants and plug it up. Don't want your boss thinking you're disgusting.

Boss: What are you doing?!

WampaLord: Well if you know of a better way to stop yourself from farting I'd love to hear it!

# ¿ Jan 24, 2017 22:08

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Better than 10 grand worth of half naked conspicuously young looking anime figures

That's like four or five anime figures, tops.

# ¿ Jan 24, 2017 23:42

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Mirthless posted:

You can't take it with you, dude

Well of course you don't take your money with you; it's in the bank. You take your debit card with you.

# ¿ Jan 25, 2017 16:51

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

What was that terribly depressing forum about people married to Aspies?

# ¿ Jan 25, 2017 18:38

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Andrast posted:

reddit

You got me, you cheeky oval office.

# ¿ Jan 25, 2017 18:44

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

WampaLord posted:

Show of hands, who besides that goon does the "push your balls to empty your pee more" move?

Nah, I just wring it out like a wet rag, then I slap it on the wall/stall wall to get the wrinkles out.

# ¿ Jan 28, 2017 18:00

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Pick posted:

A serious one but an interesting one, just complicated feelings and an odd situation:

The update: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4edg6i/updateme_30f_with_my_family_and_friends_im/

# ¿ Jan 29, 2017 04:47

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

WampaLord posted:

Behold, the dumbest argument ever:

I [41F] had a somewhat troubling conversation with my husband [42M] about dating after the death of a partner, married 14 years.

Lady, just lie and say you'll never remarry. This is one of those white lies we all tell, like "You're the best sex partner I've ever had." Then you can do whatever if he dies, because guess what, he'll be dead.

But he'll know when they meet in the afterlife, you see.

# ¿ Jan 30, 2017 15:27

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

WampaLord posted:

Short of someone being dressed in a Phish shirt, how do you tell someone's high in public anyway from a distance?

Grateful Dead t-shirt.

# ¿ Jan 30, 2017 18:43

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

WampaLord posted:

My (23/M) girlfriend's (23/F) kpop obsession is out of control.

What in the gently caress?

Got a link for us, boss?

# ¿ Feb 1, 2017 19:37

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Is someone gonna do a search using the term "circumcision" and start the next derail?

# ¿ Feb 3, 2017 22:35

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Zelder posted:

Jesus Christ, I'll ask because you're clearly angling at it: Mirthless, how often do you poo poo your pants

At a rate inversely proportional to how often he cuts his hair.

# ¿ Feb 5, 2017 22:22

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

WampaLord posted:

Every post, there's a race between Mirthless and ArbitraryC to play Devil's Advocate.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2017 16:57

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Charles Get-Out posted:

I might get poo poo on for this, but gently caress him. This seems like the perfect time to teach him that loving over people who care about you means you get to die your horrible cancer death alone.

Life's about more than getting your dick wet imo.

I think loving is exactly what he wants, though.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2017 18:22

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 01:29

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Punkin Spunkin posted:

The real revenge would be getting cancer and then cheating on him
Stand next to some microwaves while smoking a pack of cigarettes while using eight cellphones at once or something

Cure his cancer so he has to live with the consequences, clearly.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2017 18:27

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