Sham bam bamina! posted:

science writing by Trig Discipline

electric funeral posted:

Wincing Urethra is a classic Australian folk song.

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

Wincing urethra! Wincing urethra!
You'll have a wincing urethra like me!
And we cried as we sat and wriggled while our willies winked
You'll have a wincing urethra like me!

Solice Kirsk posted:

I feel like I'm missing out on something.

HEY GAL posted:

A street in London. JOHN MILTON, center stage

MILTON: Finally, I get to teach a whole lesson all by myself. And I'm going to teach something relevant, something modern. The printing press!

The printing press is really really great

SAMUEL PEPYS, sticking his head out an upstairs window: FOR PORN

MILTON, looking discomfited: It prints real quick so you don't have to wait

PEPYS: FOR PORN

MILTON: You can go down to St Paul's

PEPYS: FOR PORN

MILTON: In God's greatest cathedrals

PEPYS: FOR PORN

MILTON: And there the masses line up to be enthralled

PEPYS: BY PORN

MILTON: Hey!

PEPYS: THE PRINTING PRESS IS FOR PORN

MILTON: Samuel!

PEPYS: THE PRINTING PRESS IS FOR PORN

MILTON: No!

PEPYS: CRACK A BOOK AND TAKE A LOOK AT PORN, PORN, POOOOOOOOORN

The MSJ posted:

Dejawesp posted:

Why does D&D and PYF turn everything I love into poo poo!?

GonadTheBallbarian posted:

It was already poo poo. They just wafted the smell over your way.

Kemix posted:

Wat. Seriously. WAT? Jesus christ. Shutting down your IRC is one thing. Making god drat loving -safe spaces- to control any and all criticism is even loving worse. gently caress, that's nost just shooting yourself in the foot. That's blowing your own god drat head off in front of everyone like some sort of macabre show and tell.

Jedit posted:

Jesus, this forum. People can't even succeed at kink. Someone links to a kickstarter for a fleshlight rip-off and within 45 minutes you'll have three goons saying "well I tried masturbation once but it felt too much like a social activity."

oldpainless posted:

My two fav thing s combined, cheese and squirting

SLOSifl posted:

Anyway, the idea of having to explain a post on an Internet forum in court sounds terrifying. Your honor, you'll see by my regdate that I'm...it's a ferret your honor...well user dicknipples was making a joke and...like dicks for nipples? I do actually think the Vice President had sex with a horse, your honor.

Spanish Manlove posted:

What is this thread, a salad?

SpartanIV posted:

I bought a sofa for my apartment that I'm finally starting to furnish proper. Next up are some side tables and curtains.



Knoll Salsa Settee for those interested

cyberia posted:

I respect the 'expensive doctor's waiting room' aesthetic you've got going on but how can you chill out with a sofa like that? Sofa's should be big enough that you can lie down or slouch on them and get comfortable when you're deep into a Netflix binge. That thing looks like what you sit on when you're awkwardly waiting for your prom date to come downstairs while her parents make small talk with you.

Magic Underwear posted:

To his credit, it does look like a great place to read the march issue of time magazine.

colas posted:

Please sign in, Dave will be with you shortly.

SpartanIV posted:

I'd invite you over to try it out but I don't accept Medicare.

Punkin Spunkin posted:

Seems like [Mt Everest is] a pretty dope place to die honestly. Just wait until you're like 90, get as high as you can (and then get as high as you can on Everest) and then future generations have to deal with your stupid Ice Mummy forever and name some landmark after you like The Dead Chode With Zubaz Pants On Cave.

Kelp Me! posted:

You know how there's that Peanuts character that walks around and there's like a visible cloud of dirt around him at all times?

That's Pick but the dirt is E/N

Pastry of the Year posted:

I want to give that loving dork a wedgie so severe that he'd burn up in the atmosphere trying to remove it

We Know Catheters posted:

It's none of your family's business what you stick in your dick. Unless it's a catheter.

MisterBibs posted:

Spencer banned from 26 goddamned European countries.

UP THE BUM NO BABY posted:

I see the Poles are making the first move this time

Dave Grool posted:

I wish I had the ability to just poo poo out a ton of words, would make my academic career a lot easier

Slime posted:

shove a book up your rear end, that'll do the job

Pastry of the Year posted:

CD has some nice threads. There's one dedicated to identifying movies based on faint memories which can be alarmingly quick and accurate

BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

I walked into the local fetid nerd dungeon with my VERY ATTRACTIVE wife and BOTH of her huge boobs on one of the rare occasions when she has an off-day from lingerie modeling. As the disgusting hamdemon rang up my Funko Pops while leering at her DD cups he casually asked me if I was going to have sex with my "very attractive wife" (his words not mine!).

"Yes!" I shouted so that the whole store could hear, "Me and my very large dong are absolutely going to be having sex with this SUPER-HOT chick who I AM in a relationship with." I then took the Funko pops, my hot wife, both of her huge boobs, and rode off on a Harley-Davidson motorcycle, plotting on how to relate this story and the great sex I'm having in order to increase my social standing on the Something Awful forums.

cda posted:

I came to where you work to slap the dick out of your mouth but they said they let you go because you were costing too much in overtime.

SpaceGoatFarts posted:

"im not bankrupt! im not bankrupt !!", i continue to insist as i slowly buy my first modular synth and disappear into a robot fart

Kevin Palpatine posted:

I injected my cat with heroin and he started playing saxophone

I haven't seen him since he went on tour in ny but at least leonard feather had some nice things to say about his playing

MrJacobs posted:

it probably was, I first heard Scope out the field mice but it made more sense to be scoop up. Doesn't matter if the story is true and he was blacked out on drugs.

Outrail posted:

JFC, I can't tell if you guys are the idiots or I'm the idiot.

Jeza posted:

my morality system is also butt based

Spanish Manlove posted:

He's like Johnny Appleseed but with a severe head injury.

text me a vag pic posted:

AlbieQuirky posted:

The South shall rise again, but really slowly and with a lot of weird cracking noises. Then the South shall get a Dr. Pepper out of the kitchen and sit down to watch its stories.

walrusman posted:

Vicksvaporubburg

edit: Sherman's March to the CVS

Untrustable posted:

They should boil it. Everything comes out in a good boil. Afterwards make some pasta in the resin water. Not to get high or nothin', just to not waste water and you get to have pasta to reward yourself for a bong well cleaned.

Pookah posted:

Bong Appétit!

Deptfordx posted:

Starting to think Piers Morgan is sexually aroused by publically humiliating himself.

Lobok posted:

Jesus Christ, this is the funny quotes thread, not fuckin'... uh, triangle class, or whatever.

yippee cahier posted:

Has anyone compiled a list of alternate brand names to search for to evade the IP filter? Just in case this is too , I am looking for an accessory that works with a brand name product.

Bored posted:

This sounds like some super spy poo poo. I have no clue what you are requesting.

heeheex2 posted:

i.e. instead of gucci, look up 'guucc' to get the knockoffs

(i just made that up but thats the idea they're going for i think)

Former DILF posted:

the preferred nomenclature is asian american

Ornamental Dingbat posted:

The owner of my company recently went to the Kenworth factory in Circleville, OH to inspect the first of our new fleet of trucks that we're purchasing for our mill operation in Syracuse. Since they need to be specced specifically for our needs and have to fall within specific length and weight tolerances, the trucks run around $140,000 apiece.

When he got to Circleville, he got a surprise- the first truck in the order wasn't rolling off the line but the 50th was- the first 49 were already being shipped to Syracuse. We scaled it, and the weight was perfect, measured the frame and discovered that the first 50 trucks that they produced were 8" too long.

I think the only option now is to chop up the frames and shorten the length of the bodies- but that's Kenworth's problem to figure out. Either way it's a multi million dollar mistake.

BrianBoitano posted:

Trump only had to pay $130k, but that was only a 4" mistake, so

Antivehicular posted:

I've always been fond of Jack London's adventure stories about drug-resistant gonorrhea. To Build a Groin Fire is a classic.