Beast of Bourbon posted:

sfbay goons, come meet esteban from dec 1 - dec 16th then we're moving.

i'm unemployed so just come chill with them and take pics and rub his belly and feed him treats.

you can even brush him and i'll show you a special trick for making him drool

Portals posted:

if I weren't concerned about being murdered by internet strangers I'd take you up on this

Roosevelt posted:

the notorious cat poster murderer yes seems likely

Base Emitter posted:

cat food aint cheap man

Magic Hate Ball posted:

All I remember about third grade was that we had a sea monkeys tank that a girl knocked over, and then she cried a lot because she "killed them". Also our teacher put stuffed animal keychains above the whiteboard and when you memorized all your times tables you got to pick one and take it home or put it on your backpack or whatever. As the year progressed, and everyone else memorized their times tables, the stuffed animals dwindled until there was just one left. The teacher let me sit the test one last time on the last day of class, but I still wasn't able to do it. She took the stuffed animal down and put it in her desk, and told me that, maybe, if I came back after summer and passed the test I could have it. Then we moved and I never saw it again.

I still don't know my times tables, out of SPITE.

System Metternich posted:

the Liturgical Christianity thread has been good lately

cash crab posted:

It's so weird how she's looking at me and my cat at the same time

Red Suit posted:

Its a disease called Atchafoya. One eye's looking atcha and the others looking fo' ya

Shirley Crabtree posted:

Hello ladies, it is I, the virgburglar and I am here to burgle your virgle.

kedo posted:

"...and coming up after the break, we've heard of children raised by wolves, but have you ever heard of a child raised by Star Wars figurines? In this astonishing NBC 7 special report we learn how little Anakin Blue Story Veggiehater survived for four years, locked in a room with one hundred tiny Boba Fetts. Stay with us."

Pick posted:

If I want a story I want an Enhydra lutris post.

Pulp Can Move posted:

"Hold my beer." - Spirit of Killdozer guy, moments before quantum-leaping into the body of a Canadian.

Verisimilidude posted:

It's the saddest thing when your nipples point straight down.

goose fleet posted:

It's not like they have anything to look up to

various cheeses posted:

If you break line of sight with your dog it will despawn and you'll have to start the adoption process from scratch.

Selachian posted:

I'm just amused that Mary is picking up an avocado for the old-fashioned home-cooking Christmas meal she's making. Or is avocado actually a California Christmas tradition? Do you carve it into a little tree shape and sing avocado carols?

gandlethorpe posted:

I bought myself a zoodle (zucchini noodle) slicer for Xmas. You can get one online for about $15. Zoodles are pretty delicious.

Unfortunately, after zoodling, the zucchini can no longer be used for anal insertion.

holocaust bloopers posted:

Shifty Pony posted:

Japan's pussy censorship has gone too far.

Illegal Username posted:

"Adenoid Dan posted: detox"

I hate this word so much.
Why did i pay thousands of dollars for a man to use a pitching machine to fire baked potatoes up my rear end in a top hat? It's a detox regimen you NWO sheeple.

A FUCKIN CANARY!! posted:

Is it okay to just use a chamber pot or have hipsters started using them?

GnarlyCharlie4u posted:

I put a mic in a brass chamber pot when recording to get that eerie/old timey feel.

Sorry bro, hipsters ruined it already.

Sham bam bamina! posted:

That's hardly "niche" to an audience of goons.

Sham bam bamina! posted:

I was quoting the post with the Bloodninja reference.

Bobby Digital posted:

What, you're not excited for the upcoming Aliens/Matrix crossover, Xenomorpheus?

Snapchat A Titty posted:

I always love it when people are like "what is this reference? idgi!!! oh ok thx for telling me, but im still not going to look it up because u see im above that"

Snapchat A Titty posted:

its not a video game derail at all, also pro tip: the way to not start a derail is to shut your drat yapper

Eponine posted:

This is not a time to celebrate Scalia's death. Truly, let us mourn his life.

The MSJ posted:

I hope they show more diverse Predator body types. There's a swole one, a slim athletic one, and goon predator sitting at a console in their ship.

Kavak posted:

Do you also get Canadian geese in Florida?

Radio! posted:

yeah but they're real small

tuyop posted:

Why do they like those sim gams so much?

Earwicker posted:

Germans like to Do Things Properly and the sim games allow them to experience things like driving a truck Properly or managing a farm Properly without any of the physical or financial risks involved in doing those jobs for real. Kind of similar to how we in America have a lot of games about shooting people in the face.

LORD OF BUTT posted:

I mean, the key problem in here is that his weird fetish is repeatedly putting him in the hospital, not that he has said weird fetish in the first place. Wouldn't teaching him how to fulfill it in a safe way (provided said safe way actually exists- I'm not exactly familiar with sounding and like loving hell if I'm googling it) be the more constructive way to handle it than trying to cure the fetish (which I'm... not even sure is possible)?

PBS Newshour posted:

This isn't your jurisdiction Lord of Butts, I will wait to hear the opinions of Lord of Ding Dongs.

-Troika- posted:

heres some cask strength millenial.png:

symbolic posted:

to be honest if we actually do find Martians or aliens otherwise, our first response would probably be to see how we can subtly exploit them

insufficient guns posted:

I wonder what the nickname was.

Dreddout posted:

Malcom XXY

dog buttz posted:

This feels like Stephanie Meyer found a disabled guy and decided to use him to write a real life Twilight story.

I know what you are

Type it. Type it now.

an ally.

OMG JC a Bomb! posted:

Slowmeo and Juliet

Pigsfeet on Rye posted:

The Silo That Wanted To Become A Yurt is just amazing, I'm happy every time I see it.

Solice Kirsk posted:

Is there a scientific explanation as to why everything seems super dark around a huge fire/explosion even if it's outside and well ventilated. I know smoke could account for some of it, but it always just seems like it pulls all the light into it and it's kinda weird. I'd say it could be a trick with cameras but even in real life I've seen it with like building fires and what not.

satanic splash-back posted:

You're loving stupid, do you not understand how light and eyes work or what?

Solice Kirsk posted:

Obviously not because I asked the question.

jamal posted:

You can try this yourself at home. Go outside and stare at the sun, everything else will look darker.

Jesus Christ posted:

And don't stop staring until you become a math genius.

Booblord Zagats posted:

If I could legalize the murder of one entire segment of society, it would be Furries, if it were two, it would be Furries again, but with an underline

gadget arms posted:

The

sudonim posted:

Wait.

The The?

Holy poo poo that changes everything.

Javid posted:

Load-bearing poster.

Bad Munki posted:

Aren't we all.

Forer posted:

1 easy way to burn to death because the fire department doesn't know about your stupid hidden room.

1: make a hidden room.

kiimo posted:

Funny story when we delivered these somebody stole the Jennifer Lawrence standee so we had to replace it.

Girl in my office: what would anybody want with a Jennifer Lawrence standee?

Me: are you sure you want the answer to that question?

Rough Lobster posted:

I had a friend who worked at a movie theater in high school, and he gave me two Will Smith cardboard cutouts from I Am Legend when the theater was done with them. I brought them home and put them in the garage. One night I come home from work to a police car with lights on outside my house so I run inside and meet my pissed off mom and two cops. My mom went to grab something from the garage and saw two black guys standing right on the edge of the light, locked the door and called the cops.

This is literally the only story I know involving these things, so yeah.

Glamorama26 posted:

This is a good story, but I have one question: Why did you want those Will Smith cutouts in the first place?

I'm eyeballin' you Rough Lobster.

Jedit posted:

Are you sure you want the answer to that question?

Mierenneuker posted:

If Home Alone taught me anything it's that a cutout of a tall black man is tremendously useful.

Noblesse Obliged posted:

You look like something that should go into a cocoon once you eat enough garbage

chitoryu12 posted:

Back in high school, a girl in drama club faked amnesia/ She was either pretty mentally ill or just a raging bitch, because she managed to gradually alienate everyone she was friends with in the lead-up to 11th grade. So one day in the back halls of the auditorium, as she talked to her friends, she suddenly "tripped" and "hit her head"; people who were watching her said that she caught herself with her arms and very gently bumped the ground with her head. Upon "waking up", she began asking everyone who they were and where she was.

The amazing part is that she kept it up! Even after being taken to the hospital and tested (where absolutely zero damage was confirmed), she still insisted that all her memories of high school relationships were just wiped clean from her brain. The stuff she learned in class was okay! She just mysteriously forgot about everyone else. I guess somewhere in her crazy brain, she decided that the only way to fix all her hosed up relationships was to find an excuse to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. But it would be too much effort for a high schooler to be introspective and admit to being an rear end in a top hat and make amends, so time for a brain wipe!

Everyone just kinda went along with it. It was the most obvious bullshit ever and got talked about behind her back, but I think they all just felt sorry for her and it was better to have her pretending to be a brand new person than antagonize someone obviously not well.

The Great Autismo! posted:

I've gotten some really weird gifts in China. A girl I was kinda dating gave me a pillow with my face on it as a gift. She had me open it and she spent the night that night and slept with it and I expected her to take it the next day but she left it on my bed, so that next night I was getting ready for bed and my pillow was just staring at me. It was really awkward.

It became a joke and people started taking it to the expat hangout we go to when I didn't go out and everyone would tag me in their pictures as my pillow face was floating in the background at times

CharlieWhiskey posted:

Yeah, also Chuck Yeager and The Wright Brothers both independently calculated that the drag coefficient of exposed labia is 23%/32°K, so that configuration would send both skydivers into an uncontrollable spin. However, the drag coefficient of an exposed scrotum is 69%/212°F, which cancels out, so a true nude skydiving couple is scientifically proven to be the most aerodynamic shape. It's so fast that Donald Trump's defense advisors have already started selecting the smoothest couples to be deployed as weapons in the war with Mexico. Gonna take that oil like we should have the first time.

Miranda posted:

Do a few Australian folk songs count??? That's all I got.

What are y'all's tricks for getting the gently caress out of bed and going when you want to die?

Ravenfood posted:

I smear some brandy on my gums and scream Finnish folk songs.

cyberia posted:

From the campaign page it looks like the case opens so you can take the sleeves out to clean them. I don't really understand what advantages this has versus owning multiple fleshlights (or even one fleshlight with multiple sleeves) but I guess some people just really want a set of panpipes they can play with their dick.

Mezzanine posted:

Not nearly as traumatising as that story book with the big kiss from "Auntie Sphincter-mouth", which I prefer not to GIS at the moment as I have just eaten.

whiteyfats posted:

... What?

Anosmoman posted:

Don't be coy. We all have a sphincter aunt.

various cheeses posted:

The healing power of GBS is fixing your wife

Nether Postlude posted:

It's what kept Caro safe all these years.

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Ork of Fiction posted:

Bundle of Keys posted:

How does blowing up the ground rejuvinate small trees, and can I use it on my dad's grave?

Single By Choice posted:

I am not broken!!! The last week of senior year the whole class got together during lunch, and told me how much they hated me and how they deliberately isolated and attacked me with the sole intent of pushing me to commit suicide so that they could be on tv when the news cameras came. The humiliation, isolation, and beatings I endured for five years would have broken a navy seal. Every therapist I have told about my past has said they were surprised I didn't kill anyone or myself. Now I face a new bully. Feminism.

RiotGearEpsilon posted:

So here's another insane question: is there any medical treatment for eye floaters that are persistent enough and severe enough to actually impair vision?

Roki B posted:

Name them.

Bum the Sad posted:

I named mine Wiggly Jim, Bobbin' Pete, and Francis.

syscall girl posted:

Wowie Zowie! Eugenics and justification of IQ tests in one post! In a thread about movies no less!


I had the highest IQ score evar when I was a grade schooler and the highest SAT my high school guidance teacher had seen. Didn't even study for the loving thing as I had zero ambition. When he asked where I was applying my response was "huh?"

I failed out of HS, slid into community college and slithered through a series of gullible women and poo poo jobs.


But these statistics matter, damnit! Ignore your BMI at your peril, citizen!

Aphrodite posted:

Yeah but how big's your dick?

syscall girl posted:

Undetectable by modern science but I pray that one day its existence will be proven.